No Dead Ends
by Lovelytales
Summary: How did this happen? She couldn't lose him; he was the last bond she had left. The last bond that kept her here… that kept her grounded. There wasn't anything left without him. But he made her promise. They both knew he wouldn't last without her. So she had to go on for him. Eventual Sunstreaker / OC. (Cause there really are not enough Sunny stories out there.)
1. Sparked to Die

**Disclaimer: I do not own transformers in any way. I am only responsible for my two OCs Groundstriker and Nova and the plot line.**

**A/N: Right now this is rated T. Please let me know later on if you guys think the rating needs to be changed. This isn't really set in any particular universe (i.e the multiple cartooniverses, comics or movie-verse). I'm kind of just combining the bits that work together. I suppose it mostly fits the movies, but not the time frames. Also, forgive me if I start out rough. Like I said, this is my first fic and my writing experience consists of writing excessively long research papers. This chapter will probably be longer than the others as it has a lot to introduce. I'll be introducing each chapter with a song, as music is a major part of my writing process, and I want to be able to share some of my inspiration for each chapter.**

**Enjoy! (〃**

_"Don't make me sad, don't make me cry, sometimes love is not enough and the road gets touch I don't know why._

_Keep making me laugh, let's go get high the road is long, we carry on, try to have fun in the meantime._

_Choose your last works, this is the last time, cause you and I, we were born to die."_

_Born to die by Lana Del Rey_

'_Thoughts_'

:Speaking through a Bond:

::Comm. Link::

**Time intervals I may use:**

Nano-klik: 1 second (IWD)

Klik: 1.2 minute (IWD)

Breem: 8.3 minutes (DWC)

Cycles: 1.25 hours (IWD)

Megacycle: 93 hours (IWD) [I'm going to refer to this as a Cybertronian day.]

Rotational cycle: 1 Human day (animated)

Orn: 13 days

Deca-cycle: 3 weeks (IWD)

Quartex: A month or 4 weeks (TFP)

Stellar cycle: 1 year (Animated)

Meta-cycle: 13 months

Vorn: 83 years

**_Chapter 1: Sparked to Die_**

Summary: How did this happen? She couldn't lose him; he was the last bond she had. The last bond that kept her here… that kept her grounded. There wasn't anything left without him. But he made her promise. They both knew he wouldn't last without her. So she had to go on for him. Eventual Sunstreaker/OC. (Cause there really is not enough sunny centric stories out there.)

R/R! No flames, this is my first full on fic writing experience, please don't ruin it. Constructive criticism is very welcome.

* * *

**[Approx. 2 Stellar Cycles Prior to Impact]**

They had been coasting forever, headed towards earth at Optimus's request. Nova had taken to starring out of the starboard observation windows in much of her free time. The void of space seemed endless along their travels. The once gorgeous and beautiful spacescapes were almost boring now…almost. At first they had provided a welcome comfort and relief from the long war being waged. But even if Nova couldn't see it, she knew it was still out there. Somewhere out there mechs and femmes were fighting and dying, but there was nothing she could do about it here. So why not enjoy the view for a little while?

That had worked for the first quartex, but as time went on she started to get restless. It just didn't feel right, her being here, safe and sound while her comrades in arms were probably dying out there somewhere, without her, without help. Back up just didn't exist anymore. There were so few of the Autobots left and she hated to admit it, but they were getting crushed. Their numbers were continually diminishing and there wasn't a thing any of them could do about it. Everyone was spread so thin. They were getting picked off one by one. There were so many dead. It was spark-breaking to think about.

'_It'll be worth it in the end.'_ she reminded herself. It had to be. Sure there was a lot of loss on all sides. She lost her creators after all. But as long as the two of them were alive there was still hope. Her brother was still here, more accurately her spark's twin, and that was something incredibly rare back on Cybertron. There was once a mech who made fun of her for being the weaker of the two for having been created as a femme. Needless to say, no one ever made a comment like that again. The corner of her lip plates twisted up at the thought. Now, if they could just make it through to the end, they could rebuild together. She sighed as she looked out into the vastness. Her planet was desolate. It would take millennia to rebuild, and there were so few left to help. She used to be so optimistic in the golden age, before the war. Everything seemed so much easier back then, and so beautiful.

:Don't think about it.: Her twin's voice suddenly muttered over the bond.

:Sorry.: She muttered back. Reminiscing was a luxury she shouldn't have been indulging in, at least not any more. It was dangerous now. It was distracting. With all the time they had on their servos she couldn't help but fall back into memory, but those memories only brought pain now. Groundstriker must have felt the longing feeling over their sibling bond.

She closed her portion of the bond. She just needed a moment. He would understand. He might complain later, but he would get over it. He always kept her focused, balanced, and in the game. She doubted she would have lasted as long as she had without him. In fact she knew she wouldn't have. There were so many times in the war that he had arrived just in the nick of time -although she'd never admit that to him-, and although he wasn't doing it intentionally, he also kept her stable.

The loss of their creators had been really hard on the both of them. They had woken up from their recharge in a panic, grasping at their spark chambers. Their sparks felt the wild thrashing of loss and the emptiness from their missing bonds. At first she insisted that maybe their creators were just hurt or captured, but Groundstriker wouldn't even respond. He sat there with hollow optics quietly staring at the floor in front of his berth; they both knew it wasn't true. Their creators were gone. The universe wept at the loss but it didn't stop. There had always been an emptiness somewhere in their sparks ever since... but they still had each other. Nova spent megacycles radiating comfort and reassurance over the bond to Striker before he started to open up again. It was then that she realized just how much they depended on each other. She had been extra careful ever since. After watching him recover, she knew he wouldn't last the loss of their bond. She knew he couldn't live without her anymore. He was never really the same after that. He hated it when he felt her thinking about the past and she understood why.

But it wasn't all like that. They were ultra-competitive but they were also always a team, well… almost always. There was this one time where they got in a fight and fought solo for a couple vorns. Striker wanted to be a wrecker, and Nova just didn't like the reckless ways they worked. Then again, front-lining wasn't much better and it was agonizing being apart, but they had made up when Striker came back. Nova didn't know what made him change his stubborn mind, but they were inseparable after that. The way they were always meant to be and had been before. Two halves to a whole. A team united against any and all other enemies, always on the same page, and always there to support and defend the other. They fought together like a elegantly coordinated work of art. Their fighting technique rivaled a dance… or maybe a beautifully orchestrated symphony, a mix between the devastating base of her bother and the fluid melody of Nova's graceful strikes, opposites that perfectly complimented one another. Although they were similar in height at a decent 19 ft, that was where most of their similarities ended. Striker was bulky but not overly large. He was a well-built mech who used his size and physical strength to dominate the battle field. He championed a deep metallic red paint and a black optical display visor that assisted him during combat, as well as a face plate that reinforced his lower jaw when he was hit. While Striker sported several high powered cannons, both he and Nova had preferred close combat and carried specialized targeting interference software for just those occasions.

Striker was mostly brawn but Nova, she was cunning and she was formidable. Striker could certainly overpower her, but only on the very rare occasion that he could actually get a hold of her. Nova was beyond brilliant in servo-to-servo combat, an expert in predictive programing. She could anticipate her opponent's movement before they made it, create a counter, continue striking in rapid succession, and finish her opponent by transforming her servos into her deadly blades that would extinguish their spark once an opportunity presented. She kept a long range pulse rifle for when her brother got in over his helm and he was in need of cover, but most of the time he served as a most valuable distraction for her. He would keep their enemies busy and she would easily flank them, quietly cut them down with her blades; the remaining enemies never the wiser. She couldn't take the punishment her brother could, and she would be in trouble if there were too many enemies within range of her, but overall it was advantageous to be underestimated. She wasn't as large as Groundstriker, and her slender form usually caught less attention. She sported a bright azure blue paint with dark grey accents as well as her own black optical display visor. These visors had been amazing. They boosted signals that would otherwise have gone completely unnoticed. They made tracking targets a breeze, and they enhanced their other optical abilities at least twofold. Why everyone didn't have one of them, she had no idea.

When Nova reopened the bond she could feel her twin's irritation. :Don't do that.: He scolded.

:Don't do what?: She had always feigned innocence when he scolded her, and on some days he'd even let her get away with it. Though in general, Striker hated not being able to feel her side of the bond.

:Just stop.: He wasn't it a mood to fight today either. It almost bummed her out; he could be so fun to mess with sometimes, but he wasn't playing back lately. It seemed their long travels where starting to ware on her twin's patience.

They had left what was left of a colony planet at Optimus's request nearly two quartex ago. They salvaged their midsized carrier they dubbed the Exodus while under heavy fire. The colony had been destroyed that same megacycle. It was a miracle they had even made it off the planet. Unfortunately, the bucket of bolts was barely considered space worthy. Had there been any other option the twins never would have considered boarding the vessel. They soon found their skepticism of the ships capacity to travel to be well founded, as after the first quartex the propulsion systems started to fail. They had managed to get them back online, but the ships parts were old and the systems would still occasionally go offline again. Luckily the problems hadn't carried over to any other essential systems, at least not yet anyways. They were nearly an orn off from reaching communications range with the organic planet, and if they managed to maintain their speed, they would reach their destination in a deca-cycle. They were almost to earth.

:Look, just come to the training room, we need to be prepared for when we land.: Groundstriker had certainly upped the frequency of training since they boarded the empty carrier, but it was only because they weren't on the front lines anymore, and he didn't want their reflexive circuits getting rusty.

Taking a last look into the distance, Nova complied with her brother request. It felt good to work off those helpless feelings.

* * *

"Ready?" Groundstriker asked, and Nova nodded.

Her optics narrowed getting ready to anticipate her twin's movements.

"Good."

He was already running at her, but she held her ground. It was best to redirect a charge. As he came within range she quickly ran forward diverting just slightly to the right to narrowly avoid him as she rolled past him just outside of the range of his grasp. She quickly rolled onto her pedes standing in a fighter's position as he swung around with his hidden ax, now raised in his right servo high in the air. He had kept one for close range, but he rarely ever felt the need to forgo his cannons in favor of it. She transformed her servos into their long bladed counterparts. Sparks few as she parried his heavy ax towards her right, shifting its weight and effectively lodging it into the floor. Not missing a beat she launched her left pede into the red mechs main energon cables just below his helm. He stumbled back, hacking as his air intake manifold faltered. As he bent over she moved forward connecting her knee to his tanks causing him to grunt and fold over further, exposing the back of his main processor's circuits (The back of his neck). She grabbed her transformed servos together and slammed them against the back of his exposed circuits effectively stunning him as he fell to the ground. His optics offlined in the haze of disrupted systems signals. He rolled over when he felt them start to re-online only to open them to the view of the end of Nova's blade carefully placed an inch from where he had rolled, ever ready to slice into his main energon line.

"Come on Striker, we both know I'm the better servo fighter," she arrogantly smirked, crouching down while still holding her blade against his main cables. Her twin scowled a scornful glare.

"Two out of three." He mumbled swallowing his embarrassment, his optics softening. He usually lasted a few more kliks in their training sessions, but today she was in the zone. She smiled softly retracting her blades and held her hand out to her lovable twin, which he promptly took. She dominated servo-to-servo, but he had to try. Training with Nova made him a better servo fighter. Now if his cannons were allowed in training exercises, the tables might have been turned. "You know, we can always work on pain tolerance training." He smirked.

Nova's smile faltered as she huffed. "I think not." Her brother bellowed a laugh at his smaller twin who was shuddering at the thought. That was certainly a competition she was sure to lose.

* * *

Later on that megacycle, Nova and her brother met together to refuel. After their training exercises, they went on to perform some basic maintenance throughout the ship. There was always something falling apart, and the repairs were never finished. It didn't really bother them too much. It kept them busy and it made the tediously long journey a little less boring. The hard work made the mega-cycle's end feel so much more rewarding. It almost reminded Nova of the golden age.

:Stop.: It had been so natural for him to scold her over the bond now.

:Sorry: Nova hummed, she hadn't even realized she was drifting again.

Groundstriker frowned. Sometimes he felt like he was losing her to the past. :What's gotten into your processor lately, Nova? It's like you're a whole different femme since we boarded.: He was starting to become concerned for the smaller twin.

"We just have so much extra time on our servos." She replied aloud. There was no reason to use the bond. There was no one around and they were in the same room, but then that logic could also carry over to not needing to speak aloud. "I just can't help it. My processor is going to stall out if I don't have something to keep it going with... and I can only recharge for so long."

"Then we'll have to find you something else to think about." Groundstriker paused trying to think of a good distraction, but he really wasn't the philosophical twin, that had always been Nova's forte. He was more of a servos-on kind of bot.

"Well, actually, there has been something on my mind lately." She paused gauging his reaction. He raised a brow plate and she continued, "It's you actually. You seem bothered, what is it that's been on your processor, Striker?" Normally she would have added in some small but well-meant insult about how processing wasn't really his thing, but she was genuinely worried. He had been extra grumpy lately, and some days he just didn't have that spark that made him… him.

He frowned again, he had been meaning to talk to her, but he didn't really know how to approach the subject. "I've just had a bad feeling since we boarded this ship." Nova watched him intently, trying to decipher his meaning. She didn't like this rusted scrap bucket of a carrier either, but she couldn't help but feel like there was more to this. "Like you said…there's just too much time to process."

She had been hoping for more of an explanation that that. "And?" she prodded, but apparently she had pushed too hard.

"And, never mind." Frowning he stood up preparing to leave, but Nova stood and grabbed his arm.

"What's going on Groundstriker?" She was returning his frown now. It was so rare she would actually use his full name. He looked down at her with something in his optics that she hadn't seen since the beginning of the war. There was fear, genuine fear. Her own returned the emotion, she could feel it over the bond now, and it was permeating her systems. She was afraid to know what it was now. She opened her mouth to question him, half worried the ship would implode, but he grabbed hold of her and sat her back down.

"What if something happened to one of us?" She wasn't even sure she'd heard him right.

"What? What do you mean?" Confusion flowed towards her larger twin.

"I mean, obviously, we are in the middle of a war, on a scrap heap in the middle of nowhere, headed to some organic planet. Anything could happen." He stared down into her optics, willing her to understand.

"Don't talk like that!" She snapped, "I never thought you would be the one to talk about something like that. Not after…you know…" she was clearly referencing their creators.

"I know…it's just… look." He gestured harshly, "once we reach Earth, if Optimus _is_ on that planet, then that is were the war is going to rage. Not like the colonies we fought in. We're talking about Optimus Prime, which means Megatron and his highest officers won't be far. This is serious Nova. If something happened." He paused, heavy emotions fleeting his optics. She was looking away now. She didn't want to think of such a horrible thing, and guilt filled him for dragging her into his darker thoughts. He smiled softly as his words flowed over the bond, completely honest all the while trying to placate her with a touch of humor. :I'd want you to avenge me.:

He had gotten her attention, but she turned to him with an expression that asked if had lost his processor. She almost laughed. "Seriously?!" She shoved him roughly. "That's what this is about? Avenging you? Like that would ever be in question." She was bewildered, "I thought you were going to tell me that the Exodus was going to explode!" She was half yelling at him, but her lip plates were cracking upwards in relief. Her twin chuckled lightly. She was taking it better than he had expected. "Well, then the same goes for you." She demanded, staring him down until he agreed.

"Yeah," he muttered in response. They both lightly chucked.

She couldn't bring herself to accuse him of lying. She just didn't have the spark. Sometime after his temporary rendezvous with the wreckers, Groundstriker had come back changed. He was no longer the carefree, reckless bot that he was before. He'd seen something he shouldn't have, she was sure. The bond had felt different when he showed back up, but at the time she pushed it off, reasoning that she just hadn't felt it in so long she'd forgotten what it was supposed to feel like. Eventually, she realized it really was different. Nova had wanted to ask what had happened but when she tried to approach the subject Striker just shut down completely. She respected him too much to force her way in, and as long as he was functioning and interacting with her then she was doing her job…at least that's what she told herself. But no one came out of a war without at least a few scars, right? She tried to give him his space when he needed it. She was sure he would recover from whatever it was in his own time. But if something happened to her, she didn't know if Striker would make it out, not after seeing his reaction when their creators offlined. Since that day, they had fought for each other. Without each other, they wouldn't have much of a purpose.

"Seriously though," she scoffed, "I'd never forgive you if you didn't wreck the entire Decepticon fleet in my name." She had been smirking but he had visibly flinched at her words, and she frowned again. He obviously didn't want to think about it. However, it confused her when he suddenly looked up and smiled at her.

"I'd never let them get their dirty servos on you in the first place. That you can count on." She smiled back fully, because she knew that was true. He pushed reassuring and warming feelings through the bond, and she returned them as well.

"Fragging right." She chuckled. It was rare for Striker to ever openly display any of his darker thoughts, but she was happy that they were able to confront this one, even if it was ridiculous, it was a step. She didn't much like the topic but she could feel his spark lift over the bond. He really was getting better. "Hold on a nano-klik," She popped up out of her seat and ran over the energon storage sub-room. It was mostly low grade, but there were a few higher graded cubes hidden in the stores. They planned on using the few high-grade reserves before they launched to the surface of the organic planet they were headed to. The boosted charge to their systems would be a good preparation for combat, but sometimes they just needed to let loose. She grabbed a couple cubes of the high grade and ran back to the table. Striker looked at her skeptically, but she pulled her best sparkling pout. "Just this once!" She begged, and he just couldn't resist.

"Just this once." He repeated feigning annoyance. They knocked their cubes together before downing the energizing liquid. Their conversation remained light and happy after that. They talked about what kind of disguises Optimus message spoke of. About how Prime had talked about an earth information hub, some kind of earth vehicles, and they sat there speculating on what they'd choose and how they would look.

"As long as it's fast you'll be fine." Striker reassured her, practical and straightforward as always.

She shrugged in response. "Yeah, well, it still needs to be stylish, you know. A femme's gotta keep those mechs on their wheels." She smirked when Striker groaned. There were several times where he had to fend off some battle worn mechs with his ax, but Nova didn't need to know that. If her ego got any bigger she would burst.

"I doubt you could live with anything that wasn't." She outright laughed at his response.

"Well, I gotta make my twin look good, right?" Nova gave Striker the most innocent smile she could manage.

"Yeah, cause that's the reason…" Sarcasm was dripping from his mouth plates and his baritone chuckles echoed in the room. Her spark sung from the sounds as she shared his glee over the bond, but she had a part to play. She playfully huffed and knocked her elbow into his chassis causing him to cough from the decompression of his air pressure regulators. Returning the sibling nature, he scowled at her, to which she responded by putting on her kicked sparkling face again.

"Come on, don't be like that." She whined with wide optics. Striker swung his arm around her shoulders. He pulled her close and squished her as hard as he thought she could handle. She made some over exaggerated noises of discomfort before he finally let go.

"Come on, we have a long megacycle of maintenance in the morning." He order. He pulled Nova up and dragged her from the refueling station. She grumbled some Cybertronian curses but compliantly followed. They walked down the long dark corridors to their shared room. They hated being separated. It felt wrong, and their distaste for it was only reinforced when their creators were offlined and after Striker had come back from the wreckers. Plus, war was unpredictable and the closer they were in proximity, the faster they could defend one another if the need arose. It was a habit they had no intention of braking.

They walked to their separate berths and laid down to a peaceful recharge. Or so they had thought.

* * *

It was the middle of the night cycle when they felt a horrible shake throughout the carrier. The alarms soon began to blare, signaling a hull breach. Groundstriker was quick to react, but Nova remained sitting on her berth trying to think over what could have happened.

"STOP!" Nova yelled as Striker walked over to the door, pressing the access panel, but it was too late, the room decompressed and Striker was nearly sucked out. He had managed to grab onto the door frame effectively denting it with his weight, and as Nova felt herself fly towards him, he grabbed her too. Once the air had completely dispersed they magnetized their pedes and were once again able to make their way -relatively safely- throughout the ship.

They hadn't been too worried. There was definitely damage to the ship, but they had managed to strike an asteroid or some minor space debris a time or two in the past. This wasn't the first hull breach they had suffered. The Exodus definitely wasn't a war ship, and had no serious armor or shielding to prove it. They made their way through the main corridor towards the command center to assess the damages. Striker looked down at Nova with a sheepish smile and a quiet voice, "Sorry." Nova couldn't bring herself to be mad at him, but she could sure as pit be annoyed.

She glared at him, lightly muttering her response. "You have to be more careful next time." She scolded.

Striker smirked, looking forward "Me, careful? You wouldn't know what to do with me."

"Primus! Isn't that the truth?" She huffed and almost smiled, but Striker threw his arm up towards her, blocking her from moving forward any further. His visor suddenly flew down around his optics as he silently shushed her with a servo digit over his mouth plates.

:There's someone in there.: He frowned, diligently watching the control rooms large doors :I can see several reading on my thermal optics.: Nova quickly engaged her own visor, confirming what he had just told her.

:They must be responsible for the impact.: Nova started to pull her bother back towards where they had come from. They had to get to the escape vessels. Hopefully they could get there before they were found. :Autobots wouldn't fire on a carrier vessel.:

:That only leaves Decepticons.: Nova nodded, but Striker pulled her to a stop. :We can't just give them another ship.: He glared at her, challenging her silent command to escape.

She returned his gaze with a fire in her optics. :Who knows how many of them there are. This isn't strategic Striker. We need to escape. Plus, this ship isn't exactly a prize to be won.: She did her best to reason with him, and when his optics softened she let out a sigh of relief. :Switch on your signal dampener. With any luck, they think this hunk of scrap is deserted.: She could feel a defiant push over the bond, her brother's fond but silent attempt at defending their ship mixed with a distaste for Decepticon trespassers. She pushed back with a silent reminder to stay focused.

They quickly retreated to the carrier's refueling station, doing their best to remain unseen. They had seen a few groups of the Decepticons exploring the halls. The fact that they had made it to the bridge unnoticed only went to show how absolutely inattentive this crew must have been. Once they arrived, they shoved as much energon they could carry into their subspaces, preparing themselves for the remainder of their journey in their respective escape pods. Once Striker's larger form was well stocked, he looked to his sister. She silently nodded. As they exited to the main pods they found them already under Decepticon guard.

:Scrap.: Nova frowned. :We can engage, or we can check the secondary contingency pods.:

:I say we engage.: Striker always was a headstrong fighter. Nova's frown deepened as she vented a sigh. She liked to include him in her reasoning, hoping beyond hope that her spark's twin would pick up some common sense.

:No.: She stated. Striker's irritated glace fell on her, waiting for her answer. He had wanted to argue, but he knew she was the better strategist. :Whether or not the contingencies are under guard, it is likely they would have posted fewer guards on the ships backup feature. If we are forced to engage we can likely remain undetected longer.: She moved to turn the corner, her twin on her heels.

They stealthily made their way back through the carrier they once claimed as their own, employing the maintenance hatches more than once to avoid unwanted attention. While hiding in one of them they could hear a group of Decepticons patrolling the hallway talking about a lone spark signal. That wasn't good. That meant they had scanned the ship and they knew somebot was on board.

:So much for remaining unnoticed.: Nova sighed. That really didn't bode well. If they did manage to get off the ship, the Con's cruiser would most likely notice and pursue them. An escape pod really stood no chance against any ship, let alone a Decepticon battle grade cruiser.

:They thought there was only one of us.: Her brother looked her in her optics.

:I know.: Nova paused, thinking over their options. :I'll need to find some way to mask the signature of the pods. I might be able to link them to our signal dampeners. It should be enough to hide us...in theory.: She added, distinctly trying to hide her unease from their bond.

Striker looked at Nova skeptically. :Won't that take time?:

Nova continued moving down the maintenance hatch. :Yes.:

:Do we even have that kind of time?: Striker quickly began following after her.

:We'll have to make it.: She had a million ideas running through her processor, but it depended on if they could even make it to the shuttles.

When they were nearing the final hallway their luck ran out. She had turned the corner, but she could hear the heavy footsteps of the ship's intruders behind her. "Stop!" an unknown vocalizer called out. She could hear the static of a public comm link opening "We have found the source of the spark signal." This was bad!

:Slag!: She flew around the corner only to be greeted by the sight of Groundstriker pounding one of the two Decepticons into the ground. The other was about to hit him but Nova pulled out her rifle and opened fire. Once the Con under her twin was sufficiently incapacitated Striker stood up and blew the second Con away with this high powered cannons and tore off one of the offenders comm links. It was a good idea. They could listen in on their attackers. They hurried as their audio receptors began to pick up the echoing sounds that undoubtedly came from their soon to be pursuers. After proceeding to the end of the hall they entered the engineering bay. Nova ran to the sub-room that contained the additional pods, but when Striker didn't follow she ran back out to grab him.

He stood his ground as confusion filled her. :Head to the shuttles, I'll follow after you!: He commanded.

:No! Let's go! I'm not leaving you.: She didn't want him facing down their enemy alone.

"Go! Get the shuttles ready. We'll never have enough time if I don't slow them down." He yelled back but his optics were pleading. She winced, knowing he was right. His brute force would buy them time and this was their only chance. It didn't mean she had to like it.

"Be safe," she implored him, quickly wrapped her arm around him in a half hug and ran across the bay to the shuttles in the sub-rooms. She programmed them as quickly as she could but her focus was stretched when she heard the sounds of cannon fire and clashing from the next room. Striker was definitely losing ground. She directed the pods destination to the organic planet but didn't bother to finish sequencing the location. As long as they were in the right general direction they should be fine…hopefully. She then set the control modules to link with their dampeners. It beeped back in confirmation.

:We're good!: She yelled through the bond. :Let's go!:

:Get in and launch, I'm right behind you!: Striker replied. It sounded strained. Fear struck her spark. He was definitely pinned down and she was scared he was trying to do something stupid. The Cons knew at least one of them was on board and if they saw them launch and were in visual range then the cons would undoubtedly try to shoot them down.

:Not until I see you!: She stopped to think, they couldn't let the Decepticons hit the shuttles at launch, who knew what could happen. They would probably get spaced and out there they were done for, armor or not. :I'll hack the door!: She received confusion through their bond but returned it with unbridled optimism and more than a hint of desperation. She ran over to the large plated door, running a sequence to jam it shut on her mark. It would give them those few precious moments they needed to exit the con's cannon range... she hoped. Once they were able to make it out of optical sight, she was fairly confident that their ships' systems wouldn't be able to relocate the tiny vessels, but then hiding propulsion energy was no small feat. :Get in!: She could hear her twin grunt an acknowledgment. She took cover behind the wall and counted to three through their bond. As she opened to door her twin flew through the separating door plating. She slammed them shut and quickly activated her jammer.

She almost gave a breath of relief when she felt her twin grab her. He held her close in a tight grip. She was about to tell him to get his aft moving, but then he quite roughly tossed her into one of the pods and slammed the launch controls. Her optics where beyond widened. The doors began to seal her in.

"What are you doing!?" She yelled, slamming her body against the window of the pod for a better view.

"Find Optimus!" Was all he said. Through the glass of the preparing pod she could see that he had continued typing into the computers for a long moment. It almost looked as though he was talking to someone.

But then the pod began to detach from its hold on the ship. "NO!" she screamed banging clenched servos against the door, her vocalizer unable to penetrate the prison she was now encased in. He had to get out too. He was wasting time on that terminal. She could feel the vacuum pulling out the pod as she locked her optics with her only remaining loved one. Fear coursed through her being, from her spark to her optics, paralyzing her as she watched what was to become of her other half. As the pod dislodged from the main ship the residual spin turned the vessel and she could see her brother no longer, there was only the bond left. A flash of black and a hideous mech's face passed thought the bond with the inkling of anger and a thought attached. 'Target'.

:Only one of us was going to make it out of here, and we both knew it wasn't going to be me: There was a pause, and her disbelieving optics threatened to spill unshed tears. :You'll be fine Nova. You will survive. You're strong.: He let another pause go by. The silence, -broken only by the muted sounds of propulsion and her venting- had become maddening, until finally there was what felt like a feint whisper among the overwhelming feelings of remorse. :Till all are one.:

Those were the last words she heard when the bond severed like a burning knife piecing through her spark chamber. She banged and bashed at the door, yelling unheard words as the pod soundproofed her piecing screams for all other receptors. It was her job to keep him functioning wasn't it? And she failed him. She failed her own twin. Her spark's other half.

He was all she had left... and now, there was nothing.

* * *

**A/N: Aw primus, I made myself cry. T_T I'm still editing this, because I don't have a beta.**

**For the color reference for Groundstriker you can check the link on my profile page.**

**I'll put all of these references in my profile, listed by chapter so they're easier to get to.**

**You can check out Nova's eventual alt form and colors from the next chapter at youtube dot com**** /fe4Qoy_UZ6Q?t=1m51**** , link's on my profile too.**

**Does anyone else have any songs that fit these kinds of situations? Also, if you love long stories like I do and want to read more Sunstreaker stuff I highly recommend "Golden Gods" by Goldstreak. For a Twin fic, another good one is "What Once Was Lost" by J. . If anyone else has some suggestions I'd love to read them!**

**Feedback would be greatly appreciated!**

**What do you guys like? Anything you don't like? Suggestions? Predictions? I want to hear them all. :)**


	2. No Remedy for Memory

**A/N: Reiterating what I said in the first chapter, this isn't really set in any particular universe. (i.e the multiple cartooniverses, comics or movie universe) I'm kinda just combining the bits that work together. With that said in G1 Sides was much taller than Bee, and he was red... So for my stories sake, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe would be as tall as movie Ratchet. So about 20' ft. Also, I like Wheeljack's G1 and Prime versions better, so he's not going to resemble the movie character much apart from the fact that in G1 he was still an inventor, and he still causes random explosions. :3**

**Oh, goodness! I've written out a good portion of this story, and it's still evolving. All times listed in my chapers take into consideration time differences, travel time, distances and relativity to concurring events.**

**Thank you guys so much for the favs and alerts!**

**To my two wonderful guest reviewers on Chapter 1: Thank you so much for your kind reviews and the first reviews for this story! I'm so happy you both like it so far! I hope you continue to enjoy.**

_"And there's no remedy for memory, _

_Your face is like a melody, It won't leave my head_

_Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine."_

Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey

_Thoughts_

:Speaking through a Bond:

::Comm. Link::

For time measurements, refer to chapter 1. (i.e quartex, megacycle, breem, cycle, ect.)

**_Chapter 2: No Remedy for Memory_**

* * *

Hopeless, blinding pain.

Everything felt empty.

Her spark chamber felt like it had been broken in two and her own spark had been cruelly ripped out. It felt so hollow and empty inside. She could feel what was left, reaching out attempting to reconnect to the bond that was no longer there. One she couldn't let go of. One that couldn't be gone.

Everything was so quiet.

Too quiet.

It was never this quiet before.

Before there had always been the constant rhythmic pulsing of her other half. The soothing reassurance of her other part. Now, she wasn't even sure if she could still hear her own.

Was hers even still pulsing?

Could it still pulse?

Could she still function without him?

She had never felt anything like the quiet empty pain she felt now. So much pain. So much hurt. She couldn't bring herself to function properly, oblivious to the fact that her systems were not venting properly and were slowly overheating, shutting down one by one. But she couldn't feel any of it, too absorbed in the spark devouring emptiness that threatened to swallow what was left. Haunted by the cruel silence that absorbed her every thought, that told her she was all alone, that told her she was no longer whole.

She was only a half. She was broken.

What was left of her spark was crying out and thrashing in pain against her inner chamber, angry and hurt, lonely and lost, empty and so, so very quiet.

* * *

Nova didn't know how long she had been soaring through space when her systems had finally rebooted and came back online, and honestly she didn't even want to know. The endless space outside her pod was a prison and whatever time she had spent here was simply a measurement of how long her bother had been in the well.

Anything that once inspired awe was replaced with utter disregard and an hollow emptiness. She stared blankly out into the oblivion, only occasionally offlining her optics when her frame engaged a forced and unwanted recharge, each time forcing her to relive that mega-cycle's events behind closed lenses. Whenever her optics came back online she would only gaze out into vastness again, presumably towards where her lost twin and their ship would have been, where they should have been.

She was as lost as her brother was when their creators were offlined, but now she had no one to be strong for and no one to keep her going. Her brother asked her the impossible, and alone she had no hope of complying. How could she do anything without her spark's other half. She felt helpless, and utterly useless. Here she was, flying through space, unheard and unseen.

A half without a whole.

It echoed in her processor like information what was incapable of being absorbed. It didn't feel real. It couldn't... be real.

Here in her prison, she couldn't do anything but stare and recharge, until eventually the emptiness outside, and the emptiness inside her spark seemed too much for her to bear. Somewhere in her, deep down, she knew that when the pod reached its destination she would no longer be able to feel sorry for herself. Subconsciously, somewhere in her survivalist programming, she knew that once she woke up on that strange organic planet she would not be able to mourn. Those that took her whole from her would now allow it. She knew that the war would continue, and she would have to too. Like her creators, the universe would mourn his devastating loss, but it would not stop, not for her, not for him.

She didn't want to let go yet. She wasn't ready. It couldn't have been real.

But she was so tired.

She was burning energy in her current condition. She wouldn't have enough to make it to the organic planet at this rate, and she was so tired: tired of space, tired of war, tired of memories, tired of the emptiness, of silence and hurt. Tired of feeling. So when she could bare them no longer she forced herself into a dreamless stasis; she would rest now, only to awake upon impact of her destination.

* * *

**[Impact: 2312 Local Time (GMT+4).]**

Her processor slowly reignited, automatically testing her components one by one. Slowly, and with excessive care, Nova brought her optics and main systems back online. She blinked, trying to focus and remember where she was and how she had gotten there as she felt the energon flowing through her, bringing her back up to functioning energy levels. She had to fight back the tears when the dark memories quickly resurfaced, flooding her like a nightmare that felt too real, only it was.

Her first order of business was shutting down most of her emotional processes, anything that wasn't vital to survival. Even then, the muted pain burned her from the inside out.

She laid there for an extra moment trying to gather the will to move. Everything still felt so empty, so dark. Her mobility returned shortly after as she lifted herself up inside of her long despised prison, motivated only by the thought of escaping it. She was still stuck in the small escape pod. She tapped the control panel in an attempt to open the door but after a few moments with no results she concluded that the entry into the planet's atmosphere must have damaged some of the circuitry. That or she did… when it all happened.

She vaguely remembered slamming against the paneling with all the force of a Dinobot. At least, she thought she had at the time. She had Primus to thank that the pod had even survived her onslaught.

Moving her legs, she positioned her limbs between herself and the exit hatch. Slowly and carefully, she added pressure against the hatch until the door budged just slightly and started to decompress the shuttle pod. After it had finished, whatever circuitry was left finally did its job and opened the hatch the rest of the way.

With care, Nova made her way out of the damaged exit. Dropping down onto the ground, she stretched joints that felt as though they hadn't moved in vorns. In the end, coming out of stasis meant she couldn't have been sure how long it had been anyways. A quartex? Two? She couldn't be sure. Her system flashed with an error. Her chronometer had ceased functioning sometime while she was in stasis.

Her joints creaked loudly as she stretched, trying to get them used to her movements once more. She had to be ready for anything now. Her spark twinged painfully as she remembered Striker's warning of the planet. If only they had been more careful in space. She quickly snapped herself out of her processor, forcing herself to think of nothing but the here and now. She had to assess her survival options.

Seeing that her movement was not too hindered, she began checking herself over for external or internal injury. She hard rebooted each system, watching the feedback as they all reported to be functioning. She had sustained no serious injury upon landing on the planet, at least, nothing external that her repair nanites couldn't handle. She would have to replace her chronometer another time.

Next, she checked her energy levels, 8 percent. She was low and would have to refuel soon, but the stasis had done its job and she still had a decent amount of energon in her subspace. Taking a good look around, the planet didn't look like anything special. She was somewhere in a desert and it was the middle of the night cycle, but she was sure she could make a better assessment later.

She turned towards the pod, the last physical reminder of what had so recently happened. She stood there for several breems trying to gather the strength to look away. She didn't want to say goodbye yet, she wasn't ready... but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew it wasn't up to her. She cycled air through her vents in an attempt to bring some calm to her spark. It felt empty and damaged, but it wasn't up to her. She wasn't allowed to sit here and mope.

She pushed the memories to the back of her processor and started checking the pod for potentially useful resources. Right now was about survival. Right now she didn't have time to think about the past. Had she been thinking straight before, she would have sent a distress message to Optimus while she was still in route, but then she really hadn't been thinking clearly before. As it was, with the crash landing of her pod and the damage from the entry into the atmosphere, the communications relays were fried. So unfortunately, she no longer had a means of long range communication.

Striker would have been mad, had he known how broken up she allowed herself to become. He would have told her there was no time to mourn in war. But he wasn't there, and she couldn't help it; he was her world, her universe, her everything. Her family was what she fought and bled for; what she hoped to rebuild for. She was only half a bot without him, half of their team. She felt useless and weakened without him. Everything had become pointless. There was nothing left for her to fight for, to hope for. He would just a have to understand. If he were still alive, that was.

As she finished checking over the pod, Nova realized there was going to be nothing worth salvaging. Earth's atmosphere had been far more destructive than she had previously anticipated. Looking over the outward condition of the pod, she was simply grateful that she had landed with no serious damage to her own frame.

Her optics began to flash a warning when her energon levels dropped to 7 percent. She knew she should move to a new location as a safety precaution, but she just didn't have the spark at that moment. She opened her subspace, pulling out one of the high-grade energon cubes they had saved for their arrival. She frowned at it, unable to bring it to her lip plating. She just stared at it as she thought about what Striker would have thought about her behavior. Her processor automatically reverted to his last words to her.

She didn't feel strong.

Coolant built up behind her optics, threatening to spill despite her shut down subroutines. She felt so empty without him here, everything seemed so meaningless now. But then she thought about what he'd asked of her, how he wanted her to find Optimus and to put an end to the ones who were responsible for what happened. She thought about the dedication Striker gave to his cause, and the sacrifice her brother made just to make sure she would survive. She thought about the cons who dared take him from her, and she felts the bubbling of anger build within her, mixing with her own despair.

Kicking herself internally, she looked down at the cube with a new determination in her spark. She forced down the liquid as quickly as her tanks would allow. She might have felt empty. She might have been lost, but she would never dishonor her brother by giving up. No, she would take his determination and his cause with her, and she would see the end of this war won, if for no other reason than for him and to spite those who had the audacity to stand against his memory.

After a few moments, she grabbed another cube and downed it as well. Her systems felt revitalized and her energy levels quickly spiked to an acceptable 76 percent. She could feel the high-grade making its way though her systems, rejuvenating her underused circuitry as it went.

She had to say goodbye now.

An impossible task, but one she would have to do regardless. She had to keep moving forward, for him. So she stood up on her pedes, feeling her strength returning. She forced the emotions down when she felt her bond once again unreachable.

"Till all are one." She breathed, pulling out her swords.

She did her best to deconstruct her pod into something unrecognizable. The pile of deconstructed parts would just have to do. If someone found the scrap it wouldn't cause any major harm.

Optimus had mentioned in his message that the Autobots were currently living as robots in disguise. Nova didn't like really like the idea of that. She hated being cooped up in her alt mode for extended periods of time, and she certainly wasn't going to settle on anything that didn't meet up to her and her brother's flashy standards.

She brought down her visor and located the satellite signals for the human source of information that they called the "world wide web." She balked at how ridiculously easy it was to access; it was as if turning on a light to see what was already there. She ran her decryption programing to decipher the native language before tapping into the human's satellite mainframes and cross referencing that information with the human maps, finally locating herself in the Middle East.

_Great, east of the middle of what exactly?_ She frowned, irritated at the poor earthling designations, lack of civilization, and the overabundance of desolate organic wasteland. Huffing in frustration she couldn't help but think; _Who names a planet, Earth? They might as well have called it planet dirt._ Sure, Cybertron was a bit bland, but at least it was a bit more original than 'planet metal.' At least the planet's designation was accurate, she supposed.

Assessing the maps more closely, she found she had landed somewhere between the towns of Margham and Al Shuwaib in the United Arab Emirates. So, pretty much in the middle of nowhere; Which on one servo was good because she didn't need the local indigenous lifeforms knowing about her, but on the other, a complete and total inconvenience.

She set to work, quickly checking the human 'Internet' for any local markets for human vehicles and found an interesting human 'car' that nearly touched her spark. She hadn't expected these humans to be able to craft anything to her liking, but it was perfect, not to big, not to small, and sleek for her speed. It almost reminded her of her Cybertronian alt form. It was a small source of comfort. So, she switched to her Cybertronian alt mode and made her way towards the city of Dubai.

It was nearing 1:30 am in human time according to their information hub when she arrived into the city and fortunately, the streets only contained the occasional human. They stared at her, but she ignored them, continuing on to her destination. She stopped outside of the W Motors main building and looked for a display model to scan. It took a while, but she was finally able to get the scan out of her visor with a bit of extra effort.

_Yes. This will do,_ she confirmed, looking over the schismatics for the vehicle.

She swiftly left to find a secluded area to change forms. Once she was out of the city, she transformed back into her bi-pedal mode and just as quickly began to try out her new alt form. It was a turbocharged 2014 W Motors Lykan Hypersport with the manufacturers logos replaced by her Autobot insignia. The internet specs informed her that it's twin turbocharger hit 0 to 62 in 2.8 seconds. With a surprisingly small -for human tech- flat V6 engine, it was cramped, but the torque made all the difference, maxing out the top speed of the vehicle at an impressive 245 miles per hour. Not that human specs mattered with her superior Cybertronian tech. With diamond encrusted head lights and gold wiring in the seats, it was truly the epitome of human luxury meeting performance. It even had holographic displays, which her visor's up-link only enhanced.

The form was rare among the humans, but it was still a human design. Her dark tinted windows would disguise her lack of operator. Surely the humans would just assume someone decided to customize their car, but she snorted at the thought. _Right, because I'm just a custom car, doing custom car things_. But honestly, she was in no mood to settle for anything less. So what if she got a little extra attention? With any luck it would help her keep her mind off of other things. A sharp pain filled her spark. Despite her emotional processes being suppressed, her spark still knew that had once Striker's job.

Once she transformed back into her bi-pedal mode, she had noticed a slight difference in her frame. There was a certain kind of beauty to it. It was sleek, yet still feminine, and her new suicide doors flipped up on her back, forming door wings. She couldn't help but think Striker would have liked it. Her lip plates turned upwards into a soft smile that barely registered in her optics. He was always trying to get her to act more femme like, despite his playful objections to her vanity.

* * *

**[0149 - Local (GMT+4)]**

Unfortunately, what was left of her mood was promptly ruined, as soon after claiming her alt mode Nova's visor dropped down, warning her of several incoming Cybertronian signals. She threw a challenge over the comm channels, dreadfully hoping to hear the answer signifying friendlies. She had no such luck. She was sure the Autobots should have at least picked up her signal by now, but there had been no effort made to contact her, making her doubt the functioning level of own her comm systems.

No matter. She was itching to do some damage anyways. Anything to keep her occupied. Anything to make her not feel weak, and useless. They were just four scouts. She was sure she could handle them if she needed to, but there was one of them that was a slightly larger, slightly uglier mech in the shape of what the 'internet' told her was a helicopter. He looked like he could put up a fight.

She didn't exactly have back up, but she also knew she couldn't keep running forever. It was only a matter of time until they caught up to her signal. She could have activated her signal dampener, but then the Autobots wouldn't be able to find her either. Even worse, on the off chance they had already located her they might even think she went offline.

Speeding as quickly as she could through the neighboring human town while trying to gather as little attention as possible, she searched for a vantage point that she could use to create an upper-servo against those slagging Decepticreeps. She sped past a long alleyway before slamming her breaks and drifting into a U-turn.

_That will do it._

It was just narrow enough for one to approach her at a time. Transforming back into her bi-pedal mode, she waited a few moments for the oddly slow Cons to catch up. 'Big and ugly' should have been first, but then Decepticons weren't exactly known for their inspirational leadership qualities.

She was just out of sight of the first generic foot soldier as he followed her energy signature around the corner. She patiently waited for the right moment to make her strike. Finally, she lunged out from cover. The con jumped back in an automated response, opening himself up for her attack. She leaped forward, impaling her sword through the bottom of his chassis up into his spark chamber, leaving no visible exit wound.

Surprise attacks were always the easiest. She could use their reaction against them and while they weren't expecting it she could prepare for just the right angle to bypass most of their annoyingly dense armor-plating.

She moved back a few step into the ally with the slagger's form still impaled on her arm waiting for the next cont to arrive. She had kept the life-less form on its pedes in an effort the make it appear as though she had been cornered. The next idiot followed her in, not suspecting a thing. She could always count on a con to not pay attention.

"By running, you only make this more pleasurable," generic Con number two cackled.

His vocalizer was so disturbing it was making her circuits crawl. He had been walking forward as generic number three came up to the alleyway behind him. When generic one didn't say anything, number two seemed to finally figure out something was up. Nova almost chuckled when his optics betrayed his idiocy.

"What's going on!" He shouted but he was quickly cut off.

Nova launched the lifeless form she held onto the approaching bot while he yelled out some obscenities in their native language. Number two then proceeded to shove it back off of himself and towards her, but she simply side stepped, pressed her form into the left wall, and easily dodged it. Without wasting a moment or a movement she brought her arms up to launch a crushing blow against the mech's outreaching right arms joint. She could hear the joint snap with the force. He recoiled, his arm no longer functioning, no more than a dysfunctional stub.

She launched a right kick towards his helm, which he caught with his left servo. She smiled darkly at him as she grabbed his right shoulder with her left, and steadied him as she lifted herself up to sink her right sword through the energon cables below his helm downwards into his chassis to greet his spark.

_One left._

Balancing carefully, Nova released her limb from the second Con's servo, pulling him up to serve as her second shield. As she skewered bot number two, the third bot had started firing at her, no longer caring about harming his fellow Decepticons. She swiftly advanced on the bot but he stepped back just as quickly to match each of her steps. She needed another advantage and her processor was working overtime to create one. Deciding to make a break for it through the back of the ally, she used what was left of the second Con's frame to retreat, turning around the corner and hastily dropping what was left of her foe.

Unfortunately, she had all but forgotten about the ringleader. He must have been watching with some sick amusement because he was in front of her now with a repulsive smirk on his face. What was even more insulting was when generic number three decided this meant he was safe and ran up behind her, placing her directly between the two bots.

_Perfect._ That was exactly what she needed.

"Nowhere to go, fembot." She cringed disgustedly at the implications of his wording, a derogatory term. The larger creep in front chuckled darkly. She scowled disgustedly as he charged his cannon to take a shot at her. However, before he could fire she turned and grabbed the arm of the con behind her, pulling him forward into the shot. She grabbed his other arm, pinning them both now behind his back and used the rest of him as a target for 'big and ugly'. It was only a matter of time until he blasted her decepti-shield away. He growled loudly in frustration, but preceded as she predicted. Cons… they were always so predictable.

As soon as he made the shot she threw the weaker of the two forward into the blast and used the wreckage as cover, taking off in her Lykan alt mode. Human specs for speed didn't really matter with her superior Cybertronian engine, but ground vehicles still had a sever disadvantage to flight, namely freedom of movement and visibility. She pulled up the GPS in the back of her processor and slammed on the gas. She needed as much distance between her and 'big ugly' as possible. She was out of there faster than the larger mech could aim, each successive shot missing horribly.

Once she was free and clear she felt her gears relax. Internally smirking at her superior ground speed and lightly chuckling in this new form, she accidentally tapped into her new alt forms' radio receiver. Her form visibly jumped on the empty highway, the sudden, loud music catching her off guard.

_Thank Primus, no one saw that._

She was irritated by her jumpiness, but took the opportunity to shuffle through the human radio frequencies before falling on a particular station that fit her mood. After a while, she decided that she rather liked human music. The melodies were... interesting. She had very few memories of any Cybertronian music. It wasn't something she she participated in much and most of it faded away with the Golden age. She mused that if human's could make something so acoustically pleasing, then perhaps they weren't so bad after all. She relaxed into the rhythm but didn't slow down, still hitting the pavement with an impressively illegal human speed. Having put a decent amount of distance between her and the last remaining Decepticon scout, it became clear he wasn't pursuing her, but she didn't want to make it easy for him to catch up if he changed his mind.

"Don't leave me now.

Don't say goodbye.

Don't turn around,

Leave me high and dry."

She lurched at the idea that she was alone now. It was almost humorous how applicable the human music could be. Trying to ignore it, she picked up speed until she could feel her tires heating, trying her hardest to keep herself in check while she burned off some rubber and lost herself to the speed.

"I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy.

I'm tired of driving 'til I see stars in my eyes.

All I got to keep myself sane, baby.

So I just ride, I just ride."

"I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast,

I am alone in the night.

Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I

I got a war on my mind.

I just ride, I just ride."

She turned the station off. Maybe human music hadn't been such a good idea after all. She could feel her emotions bubbling over, even with her disabled processes. She knew she needed to remain clam. She was in a war after, and levelheadedness had always been her key to survival. She switched off her radio and instead took to surfing the human 'web' as they had called it. She couldn't help but bemuse the thought that organic earth spiders must have been very intelligent before she downloaded some navigational programs to help direct her on her travels.

She had been driving for several cycles and the sun had since risen. She was sure she had out run the Decepti-creep several of those cycles ago, but she still wasn't ready to risk taking on 'big ugly' again just quiet yet. It was funny though; he really should have been able to catch up to her. But she guessed that a one-on-one was too much of a fair fight for a Con. Her engine audibly growled at the thought.

Assessing her combat readiness, she realized that her ammo reserves were meager. Having made an entirely unplanned escape off of the carrier, she hadn't exactly had the time or the thought to restock. She shuttered at the thought of the Decepticons not only claiming her ship, but also her weapons lockers too. What a shame. She mourned the loss of her grenades; they would have been so useful.

* * *

**[0601 - Local (GMT+3)] **

It wasn't long before Nova began to wonder if other bots thinking she was offline was such a bad thing. As she was rolling near the town of Hail in Saudi Arabia she could see several Cybertronian signals from the north on her long range scanner, approaching her once again. She threw the challenge over the Cybertronian Comm. channels but once again did not receive a response.

Her engine growled as she changed her heading away from the town. It was the day cycle, so she would have to pull the Cons into an unpopulated area if she wanted to stay under the radar. Well, actually she really didn't want to, but the Prime would likely have a fit if she purposely endangered a sentient species when it could have been avoided. That was definitely against the Autobot code.

As she moved closer to the signals out in the uninhabited desert, her systems alerted her to five more signals approaching rather quickly from the south. That could only mean that they were flying. She cursed, and was almost certain it was more Decepticons, but she threw the challenge over the radio anyway. Flying Autobots were rare, but not unheard of. ::Alpha.::

::Supreme.:: To say she was surprised would have been an understatement. Somebot actually answered her challenge. Even better, they gave the right answer. Maybe those Autobots really were paying attention. But it was better to be safe than sorry.

::Pax:: She called.

::Magnus:: The mech answered. She internally smiled, relieved. They were Autobots. But she was caught off guard when he kept going. ::Wheel.::

_Wheel? _That had been was one of the wreckers call signs Striker had told about nearly a millennium ago. There was no reason to call something like that over the comms unless he was expecting another wrecker.

::Whirl.:: She answered, suspicious of where this was going. Someone would only call one of those signs if they were looking for a specific bot, but she never got the chance to tell them she was coming.

::Spark.:: Now he had asked who she was related to. She didn't like where this was going.

::Striker.:: She internally frowned at her answer, venting her systems in an effort to remain calm.

::Nova? Is that you?:: She definitely didn't like where this was going. No one was supposed to know she was here. Not that she didn't want the Autobots to find her, but something more was going on.

::Who's asking?:: Who was this bot that knew her?

He quickly gave her an answer. ::This is Wheeljack. Groundstriker sent a message to expect you.:: Nova slammed on her breaks, effectively loosing traction on the road. She swerved off the highway on to the dusted, organic dirt way.

_He did what...?_

She was speechless. She couldn't believe it. Images of memories flooded her. That was what took him that extra moment on the Exodus. This was the bot he was talking to over the console.

_He knew what he was doing..._

Suddenly, she felt herself overwhelmed by rage. If he'd just been focusing on himself, they could have both made it off the ship! He could have tried to comm. from the pods.

_That slagging two-bit glitched helmed..._

She was screaming into the missing bond, trying beyond reason to lash out at that missing part. She resumed course twice as fast, moving to intercept the Decepticons out in the desert. She needed something to hit.

::Nova, what are you doing? Head off you current course and intercept with our own. We'll get you out of there.::The disembodied voice was completely oblivious to his blundered misstep.

::I don't need your help!:: She snapped back over the comm. channel, too blinded by pain to think rationally. Rationally, she would have known to do as he asked, but she was just so angry.

::Nova? We-:: She abruptly cut the comm. link and her signal disappeared. Wheeljack's spark rate jumped, praying to Primus that he hadn't just read his comrades sister going offline. ::Nova? Are you there? Are you alright?...Nova?:: It was no use, she wasn't answering. "Hurry up! Jolt, be ready in case she's hurt." Jolt nodded an acknowledgment. Wheeljack knew Groundstriker had a signal dampener back when they were working together, but he didn't know if Nova had one or not. He hoped to Primus that was all that this was.

* * *

**[0616 - Local (GMT+3) Outside of Hail, Saudi Arabia.]**

She had turned on her dampener in hopes of getting the drop on the cons, and she wasn't disappointed. She saw two ground vehicles driving through the desert and two jets fly passed overhead. Several more were approaching from the north headed southbound and it looked like the Autobots and the Decepticons were going to face off.

As the jets continued out of a combat effective range, Nova sped up towards the two vehicons. It seemed they didn't realize she was the source of the Cybertronian signal and were content to continue on as though she wasn't there, but she had other ideas. As she got within her own range for close combat she jumped up, transforming in mid air and slammed her blade into one of the vehicons, skidding to a stop on the other side of what was left of him.

The other con quickly transformed and she could now hear the jets firing at something in the distance, but that didn't matter right now. The con pulled out a blaster, firing at her freely. She easily dodged the shots, but was clipped on her door wing from behind as several more vehicons pulled up. Reinforcements had arrived sooner than she expected, but then again, so had hers.

She could see the Autobots deploying from a plane above, pulling parachutes for a softer landing, all the while raining fire down from above. While the cons were distracted, Nova charged at the second vehicon, slicing through his main energon lines and sending the fuel within flying. It was more brutal of an attack than she generally employed, but it was an efficient kill. Turning back towards the fray, she ran in a half circle, using her blades to deflect the incoming fire from the three additional Cons that had shown up. There was an unfortunate lack of cover available, but she wasn't in the proper mindset to care.

The two jets had circled back around and continued to rain down heavy fire from the sky. She could see the Autobots firing on them as well as the jets took evasive maneuvers. One of the grounded Cons slipped back towards her, the other two diverted their attentions to the Autobots. The one apparently had the misconception that he was good enough to take her down himself. A fatal mistake.

As she ran up to him to land a blow, a warning suddenly rang through her visor and she broke off, flipping backwards, narrowly missing an air to ground missile. The force of the explosion forced her farther back that she would have liked, but fortunately the Autobots were receiving the full attention of all of the grounded cons now. She automatically transformed her blade to her rifle and took aim at the guilty jet. She prepared for him to perform the turn needed to re-enter combat range and waited for just the right moment before pulling the trigger three times. His scanners would be blind to her for only a nano-klik, but that was all she needed to land one of those shots.

She had successfully nailed one of her three against the jet's right wing. It wasn't enough to down him or even cause serious harm, but he did break off to prevent any further damage. It seemed the cons got the message, because soon all that were left of them were retreating. The Autobots had successfully decommissioned two of the ground forces and the damaged jets had long since flew off. The last grounded con began to transform and it looked like the Autobots were going to let it run, but Nova wasn't going to have it.

That Con came to offline her, there was no doubt in that. She had no intention of letting it run back with its bumper between its wheels. She immediately transformed down into her Lykan, taking off after the Con and flying past the five Autobots before they realized that the smaller turbocharged car was one of them. The Con's slower form was no match for her. As she caught up, she transformed continuing her chase with wheeled pedes, visor down and swords extended.

The con had to have realized he wasn't getting away and transformed to fight her off, but as soon as he rose Nova spun around using the velocity to bolster her attack and sliced clean through the Cons cannon on his right arm. Still taking advantage of the circular motion brought on by her attack, she swung her right around in a thrusting motion and effectively decommissioned the last vehicon. She stared into his empty optics with all her rage boiling beneath the surface before letting it fall to the ground with a thud.

She didn't really want to confront the Autobots yet. She stood there over the lifeless frame for a moment, memorizing it's form with some mild disgust before rolling her way back to her Autobot would-be-saviors. Upon nearing them she transformed her wheels back into her pedes. She took a quick moment to examine them.

There was a small 11'4" orange one who looked far too young to be in combat, A blue bot standing at 15'10" who didn't seem to have the same level of experience here as some of his comrades. Then there was a taller red one that resembled the golden bot next to him who looked more than happy with their victory. The two were just a bit taller than herself, and finally there was the tri-toned white, red and green bot who stood taller than the rest, clearly the leader of this bunch. They all seemed to stare at her with different forms of skepticism. Except for one, the taller white one's optics were filled with confusion, like he wanted to know why. She concluded that he must have been the one on the comms. Whatever questions he had, she didn't want to answer them. As their plane landed down she began to walk towards it.

"Where's Groundstriker?" The curious white one had asked. He must have known him. He'd even sounded worried.

She didn't bother to look up at him as she preceded to the now landed carrier plane. "Dead." It was a statement that made it clear that it wasn't a topic up for discussion. She didn't want to talk about it. She could feel his shocked optics glued to her as she boarded the plane just out of standard audio range.

Shocked and awed at the violence and indifference of the femme, Mudflap stared with widened optics himself. "Wow, remind me never to mess with a femme's mech." The young mech muttered akwardly. Jolt quickly batted him across the back of his helm, fixing him with a scolding scowl. Mudflap was about to pick a fight when Wheeljack walked passed them.

The tri-colored mech looked over them with despair and sympathy clearly displayed over his face plates. "Groundstriker wasn't her mate," he paused "He was her twin." Sideswipe gaped, horrified; while Sunstreaker winced, optics darkening at the thought.

"Oh..." The youngling voiced hollowly, clearly thinking about how it would feel to lose his own twin. The twin bond was a strong one. In fact it was so strong it was like feeling their twin as their own spark in their own spark chamber. To lose one would be like ripping out their own. Granted it was tough losing any bond, but to lose each other would be unimaginable. How was she even still alive? Wasn't she just half there? And wasn't what was left just a broken remnant of what it was before? "Tough break." He cooed, regret and remorse for the fearsome femme heavy in his voice.

"Yeah..." Wheeljack sighed with a deep frown and raised his servo to his comm. link. ::Optimus, we have the package. We're heading back in now.::

**[0644 - Local (GMT+3)]**

* * *

**A/N: Nova's reeling from the loss of Groundstriker, and she probably will be for some time. :(**

**On a brighter note: We've met some of team prime, Nova's landed on planet, and now the real story begins! :)**

**Some background info/My thoughts while writing: Nova is definitely a strategist. Interestingly to me, while I was writing her character, I realized that Nova has no real mid range weaponry or attacks. It was a role that was dominated by her twin, and without him she will have a real disadvantage in mid range combat. In addition, her long range is rather limited. We'll see soon enough whether she really realizes this yet, as falling in to old habits can be dangerous. Dun dun dun! :O Who knows!**

**On my profile is a link to the video of the car Nova chooses. It's at the car's premiere. By total chance the color of the blue and gray accented model was almost exactly what I had in mind.**

**Song on the radio is Ride by you guessed it, Lana Del Rey. I listened to her album a lot while writing the first couple chapters of this story. It helps me get in the mood for some of these scenes.**

**I still don't have a beta for this, so forgive any grammatical errors. I will check over it periodically as I have time and make corrections whenever I find errors.**

**Update Schedule: I plan on updating every Thursday. Stay tuned for next week's episode where- no I'm just kidding. Ha ha, but seriously, cool stuff's ahead! and Thursdays!**

**What do you guys think? Favorite line? Predictions? Things you like, things you don't like? Lemme know with a review! :)**


	3. Designation: NOVA

**Sorry this ones a little late. I've been traveling a ton the last few days and didn't have time to finish refining this chapter. So an extra sorry for grammatical errors I couldn't catch, but I didn't wanna keep you all waiting.**

**A special thank you to my two reviewers from Chapter 2:**

**Antonie Triskova: I'm glad you like it so far!**

**Constellationoftears: Thank you so much for your kind review, I hope it continues to entertain! :)**

**A/N: Hah. Originally, I thought chapter one would be the longest as it was the introduction. However, I find each chapter is getting longer and longer. I'm new at writing, so please, let me know how I'm doing. I apologize for any grammatical errors I might make, as I have no Beta. Feel free to point them out so I can correct them. Also, I apologize in advanced. Things start out really rocky, but they will get smoother over time.**

_"With our backs to the wall, the darkness will fall  
We never quite thought we could lose it all  
Ready, aim, fire, ready, aim, fire  
An empire's fall in just one day  
You close your eyes and the glory fades  
Ready, aim, fire, ready, aim, fire away (fire!)  
Ready, aim, fire, ready, aim, fire away"_

_Ready, Aim, Fire – Imagined Dragons_

_Thoughts_

:Speaking through a bond:

::Comm. Link::

For time measurements refer to chapter 1 (quartex, cycle, ect.).

_**Chapter 3: Designation: NOVA**_

* * *

**[Arrival: 15:47 Local (GMT+6) - Diego Garcia]**

No words were spoken on the flight back to the Autobot base. It was apparent to Nova that some of the bots were communicating through bonds and comm links, but no bot dared to speak aloud. An uncomfortable awkwardness had lingered in the air. It had some of the bots shifting uneasily, namely the smaller orange one and the larger red one, but Nova had been secretly grateful and was more than happy to contribute to it. The more awkward the situation, the less likely they would be to try to talk to her.

When they finally arrived at the base Nova stayed seated as the other bots quickly filtered out of the plane, desperate to escape it seemed. All save for one, the leader from before who had remained sitting across from her, avoiding all optical contact. The one who must have known Striker. The one Nova really didn't want to be near. When he looked at her with his haunted gaze, it brought up more than just recent bad memories. And she suspected he had much the same reaction to her.

"Come with me." His words were soft, but firm. She complied, following the white bot absentmindedly while trying to focus on anything but him.

Taking in the view of the base, she could see organics running around with purpose in their steps. It was so strange. They reminded her of organic bugs, like they were operating on some kind of hive mind. Then again, the Cybertronian military was much like that as well.

Here before them, she felt comfortably invisible. So entrenched they were in their tasks that they hardly noticed the strange new titan on their base, reminding her of a time before the war, when no one cared what symbol you kept on your armor, or even cared who you were.

It wasn't until they reached a large hanger marked with the human numeral for '1' that her escort turned to her. "My name is Wheeljack, by the way." he spoke, as though his statement answered why they had stopped. He smiled sympathetically at her, but she didn't know how to react.

He was a wrecker. She knew that much from the comm chat, but besides the basic challenges and counters, her brother didn't tell her anything about his time with the wreckers. Basically, she had just name dropped him for his credibility. She didn't have the slightest clue who 'Wheeljack' was or what his relationship had been with her brother. So, she just stared blankly at him, attentive but nonreactive until his contrived smile faltered back to his previous saddened frown.

"Well, here we are." He looked away. It had felt to her as though he couldn't bear to look at her anymore, but she couldn't bring herself to care. "Optimus is waiting for you inside." He added when she didn't move.

Nova felt her spark jump at the mention of the prime's name, unsure if she was excited to meet their mighty leader or if she was dreading it. Bracing herself for what was to come, she walked forward a few stepped and stopped in from of the mech. This seemed to catch his attention, as it was meant to. She met his optics and gave a small acknowledging nod for whatever condolence it would bring him, before proceeding into the hanger, him following not far behind.

* * *

**[1604 - Local]**

She had never remembered feeling so vulnerable as she did now. Standing under the Primes's scrutinizing gaze made her yearn for her brother. Together they were never nervous. They had always had each others backs, but now, no one had hers. Now she felt alone, and abandoned. Bitterness mixed with abandonment, but still, she couldn't bring herself to care. She was too empty to care.

She didn't have to see the Prime to feel his judging optics bearing down on her. It did nothing to help her nerves, as she purposefully made sure to resist the urge to clinch her servos. Sure, she had heard of his benevolence, but one could only put so much faith in rumors when it came down to one bot holding her fate in his servos. She wasn't formally a part of this team, and if she didn't meet Optimus's approval, she knew she could very well be hunting down Decepticons solo. Although she had some reservations about jumping on a new team bandwagon, the idea of fighting solos wasn't a very appealing notion. She wasn't in much of a state to be taking on an army alone.

As she stood before his analytical gaze, she could also feel all of the other optics in the room on her as well. It certainly didn't help that all of the bots on the base seemed to cultivate to this hanger to watch. There were even several groups of the humans looking at her in some form of strange organic awe. She had to repress the inclination to shutter.

_What ever happened to '...in disguise?'_

Optimus looked down at the newest prospective member of his team, silently going over the information he had on her in his processor while he categorized her minute reactions. She was weary and uncomfortable, and he couldn't help but feel regret for causing such a reaction in her.

When Wheeljack's report came in he had been surprised to learn it was a femme that they had been expecting. When they had received the distress signal late in the evening cycle they had no idea what to expect. A mech by the designation of Groundstriker was trying to give advanced notice of his twin landing in the vicinity. Optimus had only naturally assumed they would have been the same gender and had been quiet pleased with the idea of another set of twins joining their plight. From what he had heard from Wheeljack, Nova's sibling was quiet something.

However, Wheeljack had failed to mention their unique history. Of coarse, he had nothing against femmes. Arcee, Elita-1, and Chromia had proven to be strong comrades in the past. He even hoped that Nova's presence might help create a more harmonious balance after the recent loss of the sisters. However, when Wheeljack had filled him in on the situation over their private comm, Optimus couldn't help but feel that it was a shame her twin had not survived to arrive with her.

Bringing himself out of his thoughts, Optimus attempted to placate the -by comparison- small femme as he noticed her discomfort. "Be calm young one, we will not abandon you to the enemy." He was pleased to see her visibly relax some.

Nova vented a partial breath, called to relax by that simple statement, but was not yet willing to expel all her fears. She did not know this prime, she reminded herself. She couldn't predict his actions when there was no precedent to base a prediction on.

"I am aware you have experienced an enormous tragedy. I do not wish to exacerbate the anguish you are undoubtedly going though, but if you can, I must ask that you tell us of your journeys." He paused as her optics clouded with unexpressed sorrow, still not meeting his own, but staring straight forward with the resolve of a soldier. He did not want to make it worse, but he had to know that she was indeed who they thought she was. The Decepticon treachery knew no bounds, and spies were something they were not lacking.

"What exactly do you want to know?" Nova asked, unsure of exactly how much information he wanted from her.

"Anything you are willing to tell." He answered. It was apparent to her that he was trying to be sensitive, but while she appreciated that, she would have preferred he were upfront with his request. He wanted to know everything.

"I'll start from the beginning. I am designated Nova," She answered with darkening optics and a deep breath. Everything she said was in the human's English, meant to mollify and humor the organics. She told them of how her brother and she had evacuated from Praxus at the beginning of the great war. Her sensitive audio receptors could hear the whispered questions from the humans, asking where Praxus was and who she was talking about. They where quickly shushed by one of their superiors.

She told them of how her creators were not evacuated, and how they died while she and Striker were in the academy, like so many others. She told the room of how she and Striker were conscripted under the condition that they were never separated, not that it mattered anymore. Her comment caused the prime to frown grimly, while several interactions and whispered questions fluttered in the background of the room.

She told them of how they graduated and of her specialty in melee combat and advanced battle programming, and how her and Striker's twin bond made them ideal front-liners. It was when she mentioned their bond that murmurs of confusion flooded the room, questions like 'I thought Groundstriker was a mech' and 'was she spark-bonded?'. She paused to consider her words, wondering if she should bother explaining.

"My brother and I were a rare creation. We were born of the same spark, but developed into different frames." Wasn't that obvious? What did it matter now anyway? He was dead.

"You needn't explain any further. Please, continue." She found Optimus's gentle words surprisingly comforting. Maybe it had been the deep wisdom in the soothing base that was his voice. Maybe it was the hardened but gentle and nonjudgmental look in his optics that reflected the stories of him so well. Regardless, she had questions to answer, and answer them she would. She snapped herself back to attention as she continued, optics hardened as she repressed the emotions that came with the memories.

"Yes… eventually Striker wanted to do more. He encouraged me to request a transfer into the special forces but I declined. I was content with my position..." She paused. That wasn't the reason she didn't want to join. She felt like Optimus could see through her and it made her think twice before energon coating the truth. "Groundstriker was a careless mech." She frustratingly sighed. "I didn't want him to risk taking on a profession even more dangerous than our own. I thought that if I refused to go he would stay in the front lines." There were disapproving murmurs now in the background. Wheeljack nodded to the Prime with a wry grin, signaling that it was indeed true.

Optimus's features quickly formed into a stern look as he stared into the crowd. "Surely, no one would blame you for wanting to protect your family." They ceased all whispers afterward, but Nova was sure they were still using their private comms. She repressed the urge to shutter once again. She could feel their judgmental optics on her. But again, she couldn't bring herself to care.

"Tell me more about your time in service. What experience have you had?" Optimus asked, trying to figure out where she could best be placed.

It was strange speaking in this human language, 'English,' but the prime clearly saw it as necessary. It seemed like he went to some great effort to put on a show in front of the humans. If it was a battle story he wanted them to hear, she could do that. "Groundstriker and I worked with a three mech team front lining outside of Iacon for vorns…" She took a moment to process the human words. "For centuries...until the city fell. We worked with the underground resistance movements, but the supplies were getting low and the energon refineries were lost. It was too dangerous for the neutrals to leave and the supply lines were being decimated by heavy fire from the Decepticon seeker raids."

"Yes," Optimus's shoulders sagged tiredly, "we all remember those times."

"Striker and I were sent to clear a path to evacuate the remaining neutrals in the southern parts of the city and were later ordered to accompany them to an off-world colony. Once we had successfully delivered them to the destination, the rest of Iacon had already been evacuated. We remained at the colony as the survivors drifted in and secured the borders there as best we could. We had successfully held the colony for some time, until Groundstriker left to join the wreckers and their attempt to reclaim some portion of Cybertron. I stayed to defend the neutrals. I and a few of the remaining warriors from south Iacon managed to maintain the integrity of our base there until Groundstriker returned." She scowled looking to the floor and she heard shifting in the back which she had no doubt had come from the tall white mech named Wheeljack.

She vented deeply, cooling her stressed systems before meeting Optimus's optics and getting to the point. "I've spent most of my time in service as a front-liner. My predictive programming far exceeds standards and provides me an excellent advantage in servo-to-servo combat. I have mainly worked in close range combat, although I am proficient with long range rifles for precision. Striker and I maintained many fronts and were also well accomplished in precision strikes and infiltration." She abruptly stopped, finding she had nothing more to say.

It was certainly an impressive resume. However, there was one last bit of information Optimus needed to truly be able to open his doors to this skilled young femme. "There is one more topic that we must discuss." His voice was solemn and apologetic. "I do not wish to reopen wounds, but we need to know what happened to separate you from your brother, Groundstriker. When he contacted us, we were under the impression that you were to arrive together." Optimus's spark felt for her when he saw the pain resurface in her features. This was not something he enjoyed.

Nova's spark lurched. Did he intend to follow after her after all? She found herself questioning what happened herself. She honestly wasn't sure anymore. "We were together at that time." It was clear she was trying to restrain herself. The pain in her spark was arching at her functionality with renewed vigor. "Striker and I received your message while on another colony world. The Autobot base there had already been evacuated but there were still some Neutrals taking refuge, and the Decepticons hadn't ceased their attacks. Striker and I had stayed behind to protect them. We were working on restoring an old carrier vessel to evacuate the last of the neutrals, but before we had finished, a large Decepticon force invaded what was left of the colony. We attempted to hold them back, but they broken through the automated defenses in the rear of the colony and slaughtered all those that refused to join them."

Her optics met the ground again, and Optimus could see the shame she carried having not been able to save them. After cycling several breaths, she began again.

"Striker and I fled to the hidden carrier the neutrals had dubbed the Exodus and barely managed to get it off planet. With the colony lost we no longer had a primary objective, so we set our coarse to the coordinates listed in your message. Two quartex into the trip...a few months later we were awoken by a hull breach. When we approached the bridge we could see several spark signatures inside." Nova shook her head as she zoned out. "Autobots wouldn't fire on a carrier vessel." She scowled to cover the pain, but it was clear in her optics. That phrase brought back a deja vu she never wanted to experience again.

"I take it they were Decepticons." The prime concluded, his booming voice bringing her back to reality. Nova nodded once.

"We didn't get a chance to scan their ship, but by the number that boarded the carrier I have no doubt it was one of the Decepticon warships." She didn't want to talk about this. Previous attempts to suppress outward sign of her anxiety were forgotten. She could feel her circuits threatening to fry themselves from the stress, but with the emotional subroutines disabled, she continued with little regard to it. "We managed to get down to the lower decks before Striker was spotted by a Decepticon patrol. We couldn't access the primary escape pods without being seen, so I chose to take the extra trip to the contingency pods in the engineering bay." Whispers broke out in the background again, and Nova found it grating on her nerves, wondering whether these bots -and people- where here to listen to a report or a tribunal.

"A wise plan." Optimus interjected. She looked up to him surprised, her glazed optics clearing from the memories. She gave him an empty smile that didn't reach her optics.

"It didn't work out all that well. We disabled the patrol, but they had managed to warn the ship. I reprogrammed the pods to mask our signatures with our signal dampeners while Striker held off their oncoming forces. I had even managed to jam the doors when I was finished so we would have enough time to launch without interference. But once Striker was in the sub-room, he shoved me into a pod and launched me off ship. The last thing I saw was him taking his time over the main console." Her voice darkened, but was still ruled by pain. The imagine of that face resurfacing in her mind before she focused back into the conversation, to now. "Now I know he was contacting you..."

"It was no small feat what you accomplished in successfully hiding your shuttle from a Decepticon warship." Optimus gave her a small proud grin when she met his optics. "And it is no small heroic deed what your brother did to ensure your safety." Hearing his words ignited something in her. She could feel the bitterness growing.

"We had time." She insisted, servos clenched and optics defiantly meeting the ground once again, "I made sure we had time. But he used it talking over the comm. He was supposed to come with me!" Optimus lifted his large servo and rested it lightly on her shoulder, calming her outburst as she collected herself again.

"I have no doubt that Groundstriker knew the Decepticons would look for the pods once they launched. I am certain he only wished to give you your best chance at survival." It was then that Nova nearly forgot that anyone else but her and Optimus were in the room. She looked at him with sorrowful optics but withheld her tears, forcing herself to remember that this was her superior, not her friend. She would accept his attempt to comfort her, but she would not cry on his shoulder. "We will honor his sacrifice and welcome you with open arms." She forced a smile. She wished his words could bring her comfort. She wished they could fill the void in her spark, but nothing could replace what she had lost, not even the words of a Prime. Maybe he was right…. But now it didn't matter.

"Any sister of a wrecker is a sister of mine." Wheeljack barked, trying to bring some cheer to the room. Nova slowly spun around to see him and several other bots walk up to her with sympathetic smiles. Various bots gave her some comforting words or words of welcome. Her optics soften the tiniest bit. Nothing could fix what had happened, nothing could make it better… but maybe she wouldn't have to be so alone. Even if it was only just a little bit…. Maybe.

"Well then my friend, when you are fit for duty I will place you with our front-liners, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe." Optimus began, pulling her attention back around to him.

"You can't be serious!" Sunstreaker spoke up, but Optimus met him with a disapproving frown, obviously not appreciating his interruption. "But she's a femme!" The golden mech gestured wildly.

Optimus opened his mouth to speak but was stopped when Nova beat him to it. "So what?" They scowled at one another.

"I hate to say it, but I'm inclined to agree with the terror twins." Ratchet interjected, bringing a smug smirk to Sunstreaker's lip plating. "You don't have the armor-plating to take a shot like a mech." He clarified.

"Hey, hey now! Don't include me in this!" The red bot Sideswipe stepped forward, but quickly moved back when his brother shot him a glare that said 'agree or shut up.'

Never breaking her optics from the golden front-liner's frame Nova quickly retorted, "I make up for my lack of plating with speed, and carefully calculated skill. I've been doing this for vorns, and I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Calculations don't belong on the front lines. Clearly your deceased twin was the skill." Sunny argued, stressing the insult on 'twin'. Sideswipe gasped, wide-opticed and appalled. He yanked on his brothers arm to pull him back, but Sunstreaker stood firm.

"Sunstreaker!" Optimus had just about enough of this, but Nova continued.

"You'd only say that if you knew your opponent's battle programming outclassed your own and you were to arrogant to admit it!" Nova snapped back, completely ignoring his second comment. She couldn't processes it. It was... just too much to process.

"Then why is he dead?" The golden bot countered, trying to dig deeper. Nova's optics were like daggers now. He had gotten so far under her plating that he almost thought she was going to attack him, but she held her ground gripping her servos so hard it seemed like they might shatter. And she wasn't the only one. Several of the autobots were shouting in protest with quiet a few of the Autobots around them reeling in anger at Sunstreaker's insensitive words, half ready to jump to the new femme's defense.

Sunstreaker knew he had gone too far, but he really didn't want to have to degrade himself to working alongside a femme. He was once a gladiator after all. The only use for femmes there was for pleasure-bots. And honestly, deep down, he was mad at her. In fact he hated her. He couldn't imagine anything happening to Sideswipe. First of all, he wasn't weak enough to go get himself offlined by some Con. Second, Sunstreaker just wouldn't let it happen. She just let her twin die, and he couldn't stand to work with that kind of bot. Let alone let her anywhere near Sideswipe.

"Sunstreaker! Take a walk." Optimus ordered. His vocalizer bellowed in a mix between anger, regret and exhaustion, instantly quieting the crowd as they watched how the situation would unfold. Sunstreaker huffed, shoved Sideswipe off, and stalked out of the hanger, visibly fuming.

If he was lucky, he thought, his words cut so deep she wouldn't want to work with him. Then she could go do something more fitting for a femme, like working in the med bay with Ratchet.

Optimus looked down at the femme before him, empathy radiating from his form, "I apologize. Sunstreaker has never been the most tactful of mechs. In all my years, I have seen few as insensitive as him. But what he lacks in etiquette he makes up for in skill on the field." He momentarily paused, considering her position. He vaguely wondered if working with another set of twins was such a good idea. "However, if you wish to work in another field, I would understand."

Nova glanced towards the hanger exit, taking a moment to collect herself. Conviction ran through her. She would not be bullied. She just wouldn't allow it. Striker certainly wouldn't have. "I would rather offline than change positions." Her voice was strong again, and Optimus couldn't help but smile proudly. He was sure this femme would prove her mettle.

"Great…" Ratchet grumbled, and any semblance of a proud moment was ruined. "I'll keep a third berth readied in the med bay." He grumpily added, causing Nova to shift uncertainly.

"I am sure that will not be necessary, my friend." The prime reassured him before directing his attention back to Nova. "Of course, we'll need to test your skills first. I would like for you to speak with our weapons specialist, Ironhide before any mission will be made available to you." Optimus waved his right servo to his left to imply the large black mech who stood beside him. With crossed arms, the dark mech just grunted in response.

"Of course, Sir." Nova replied, nodding once after glancing at the dark mech.

"Now, allow me to introduce you to our ranking officers. Prowl here is my second in command and our tactical officer." Optimus gestured next to him to a smaller black and white bot with the police label on his back. The bot remained impassive as he raised his hand in a curt wave, and Nova gave him an acknowledging nod. "My first lieutenant, Jazz." A smaller bot next to prowl raised his servo.

"Hey there, sweetspark," the bot designated Jazz greeted smoothly with a sympathetic and spark-warming smile. Nova responded with another nod and a forced smile, not entirely sure how to react. She was never very good with social interaction.

"And, Ratchet over there is our chief medical officer." He gestured back to the red and white bot with crossed arms who had spoken before as he nodded his helm as an acknowledgment. The bot grumbled, but she forced herself to suck up her pride and give him a nod as well.

"You have traveled a long way, my friend. I would like for you to rest and undergo a thorough medical evaluation before your skills assessment. When you are settled in and feel ready, speak with Ratchet about getting you cleared for your combat assessment." Optimus did his best to hide his sympathy when she tensed up again. "Until then, perhaps Sideswipe would be willing to give you a proper tour of the facilities." Optimus's gazed lifted toward to red mech behind her.

While the femme frowned as she turned to spot him, the red mech who had spoken earlier visibly perked up in the crowd. He seemed all too eager to repair the damage that his arrogant brother had inflicted. Her resentment lessened as she couldn't help but feel sorry for the mech for having to work so closely with his rude and insensitive other half. She quickly navigated her processor out of those dangerous waters, and thought about Optimus's motive for sticking her with the red twin. A test of her emotional state? Perhaps to desensitize her? She could respect that. Whatever his reasoning, she was grateful she wasn't stuck with the white and green bot from her pickup. She wasn't ready for that. Not just yet.

As Nova reluctantly followed the red mech out of the hanger, the officers approached their leader.

"Optimus, with such a devastating loss shouldn't you let me evaluate her immediately?" The CMO objected, with Prowl and Ironhide muttering in agreement.

"In due time, my friends. I do not want her to feel trapped. It is clear that she is in grave pain, but we cannot help those who will not accept it. Until then we will have to monitor her closely. Fear not. I will not send her off the base until I am confident she is functioning properly."

"Alright. I'll trust your instincts on this." The CMO agreed, "But only within reason!" He added, aggressively threatening the prime with his finger digits.

"I could ask for nothing more," The prime answered warmly, proud of his medical officer's protective nature.

* * *

**[1722 - Local]**

When Nova finally left the hanger she quickly realized how popular these bot were with the indigenous life.

As she followed the red bot, humans actively approached them, greeting the bot beside her and insisting on an introduction. On several occasions Nova had to remind herself that Autobots were allied with these creatures, and Autobots didn't crush allies. She was pretty sure that was a Decepticon thing. When the humans had finally walked away, and the pair began to continue their stroll, the red mech started chuckling at her discomfort.

"You know, you and Sunny have that in common." He gestured around, while monitoring her reaction, "He's not really a big fan of the humans either."

Nova deadpanned, "Perhaps I should make an effort to like them to remedy that… He doesn't seem to like anything." She added offhandedly.

"Really, he's not so bad once you get to know him." The red mech chirped, trying to reassure her. Nova didn't honestly know what she expected when the Prime volunteered her guide, but she hadn't expected him to be so cheerful. He was the complete opposite of the golden one she encountered.

"I'd rather _not_ get to know him." She stated coldly, doing her best to keep her distance from the cheery bot. It wasn't hard when her emotional subroutines were still disabled. There was no guilt being spared for being rude.

The red twin stopped, trying to gain her attention and causing them both to linger outside of building 8. "Then why are you staying on front-lining?"

"It's all I know." She answered absently, too uninterested to give the question any real thought as her optics traced her surroundings. The hollow words didn't convince him.

"That's not true. From what you told Optimus, you could work on precision strike teams, tactic with Prowl, or infiltration with Jazz. Pit, even scouting with Bee. There are plenty of other bots to work with. So...why us?" He asked, genuinely curious. The strangeness that he and his twin were so astronomically different had her contemplating a real answer.

"I don't like quitting..." She answered evasively. She seemed sincere, which had Sideswipe believing she was implying more than she let on. He wondered if it had anything to do with her staying on the front lines when her twin went to work with Wheeljack, but he dismissed the thought as quickly as it came, instead taking her comment at face value.

"See, more in common than you might think." He chirped, swiftly changing the subject before she could deny it. "Here's the human's mess hall, across the way over there is building 8, our refueling station. And next to that is 9, the rec room." He pointed in the building's direction.

As the tension eased and they continued moving through the base, Nova dared to ask the red bot a question. "What's he normally like then?" Not that she cared, but it was odd, talking to the rude twin's brother. They stared a bond she could understand, and it oddly made her feel more comfortable than with her previous escort. Conversation was just something to keep her processor busy.

"Sunny?" He asked, surprised. "He's moody, insensitive, aggressive, over confident, full of himself, super particular about his paint's finish..." Sides began, all the while lost to the world and ticking off each point with a digit.

"I don't see the difference..." Nova interrupted, having heard enough.

"Cause I'm not done." He glanced back at her, trying to connect with her, hoping she would understand. "Those are all the things that are easy to pass him off as. He's also really protective, strong, and loyal; and even if he shows it in completely the wrong way, he _usually_ means well." Looking down at the slightly smaller femme, Sideswipe wanted to believe in her. Whether it was her story from the hanger or trying to explain his brother's behavior, he wasn't sure, but he looked forward to being able to fight beside her, and for that to happen he needed to find some way to connect with her. "Nova," he started with as much candidness as he could manage, "Me and Sunny, we came from a difficult place before all this. When we finally made something out of it everything went to the pits and it was really hard to accept it all. But now we're here with Optimus and his bots, and we finally feel like we have something again. The humans call it a family." She silently consulted the 'internet' while he continued. She knew she heard the prime use that word before, but had dismissed it as it hadn't been directed at her. "It's just really hard for Sunny to adjust to change."

"Yeah...I guess I knew somebot like that." The femme answered nostalgically, lost in a memory somewhere.

"Your twin?" Sideswipe inquired, as gently as possible.

"No..." her flat response came, and it clicked with Sides.

"More than you'd think," He knowingly smirked and blinked his left optical light on and off, a gesture the internet revealed to be a 'wink.'

"This doesn't mean I'm okay with, or forgive him for what he said." Nova quickly added, with a hint of bitterness edging at her vocals.

"Frag, no!" He huffed, "I wouldn't expect it to. He was being an aft, but I just felt like it might help to explain..." He smiled sadly. They continued walking silently, both processing the conversation for what it was worth.

"You know something, Sideswipe?" Nova spoke, looking around, taking in their surroundings.

"Hmm?" the mech acknowledged questioningly.

"Your a terrible tour guide." She shook her helm with a faint but smug smirk, "I'm fairly sure we've walked the length of the base several times and all you've pointed out was the mess hall… Your frame language even seemed to indicate you got lost once..." She raised a questioning optic ridge at him. They had been so engulfed in the heavy conversation, he hadn't even noticed until now. For that matter, neither did she.

"Oh!" He perked, laughing slightly with the tension broken. "Right...um..." He brought a servo to the back of his helm's supporting cables. "Well, we met at hanger 1. It's pretty much the briefing room. You can find Optimus, Prowl and Jazz there or at their offices in 5 at pretty much anytime during the day. Hanger 2 contains the berth rooms for the Autobots. Six has some wash racks and the humans use 3 for vehicle selections for new Bot arrivals." He unashamedly looked her over, "You don't seem to have to worry about that. There is housing for the humans on the far side of the island to the north, but we're pretty much situated at the hangers near the runway." He paused to think about anything he missed. "There's Ironhide's torture chamber in hanger 7. He calls it a training room, but we all know what it really is." He smiled devilishly. "Everything up from there the humans use to store their aircraft...You can practice shooting on the south side..."

Nova stood there, patiently absorbing the information as the conversation trickled off before adding her thoughts. "Traditionally, when giving a tour, you show the places you talk about." Her smirk widened, finding it curiously easy and surprisingly entertaining to ruffle Sideswipe's plating. He took it quiet well, even happily.

"Oh, right! Sorry..." He started walking again. "We're near hanger 4 right now, that's Ratchet's med bay." He pointed to the offending hanger. "Actually speaking of which, you should go get your check up."

"Giving up on your aspirations of being a living map?" She chuckled, thoroughly enjoying the banter.

"No way," he laughed, "but I can try again later." He stopped outside the med bay doors. "Here we are, the Hatchet's med bay. Don't let him hear you stay that or he might throw a wrench at you." He 'winked' again.

"Why in the world would he do that? Isn't he the CMO?" She asked, appalled by the thought.

"Yeah, but he has a temper from the pits. Real grumpy. Anyways, you should head on in. Ratchet's really not all that bad, and the sooner you get cleared, the sooner Ironhide can pound you in to scrap" He added cheerfully.

"You confidence is inspiring..." She sarcastically grumbled, wondering how sane the bots on this base truly were.

"Not really. Ironhide does it to all the first timers. It's how he displays his dominance, I think. You know, to keep his 'tough mech' persona." Nova hummed in response and moved to step towards the doors, but Sideswipe abruptly halted her. "Hey, before you go! I'm sorry...about before. When he heard what you said, in that desert, it really got under his plating." It had been clear he was speaking of his twin again.

"He made it pretty clear Sideswipe." She sighed, trying not to think of what happened only cycles earlier.

"No, he really didn't." He adamantly met her gaze. "He's worried about me. You just remind him that slag happens, that there's still something left to lose and he doesn't deal well with emotions. He just needs some time."

'He needs time….' That rubbed her wrong. "It sounds to me like he has his own scraplets to deal with." She glared

"Yeah, but, don't we all?" Sideswipe shrugged.

"Maybe." Her temper diffused. "Goodbye Sideswipe. I'll see you later. And, I... suppose I appreciate the effort." It wasn't okay. None of it was okay. But it was in the past. Whatever happened next, happened.

"Yeah...anytime..." He shrugged, unsure if what he had said had made a difference. He had hoped so. As sides watched her go, he wondered if he had fragged up by bringing up Sunstreaker again. In the end, he wondered if he saw something in Nova Sunstreaker couldn't, or if Sunny saw something he didn't.

* * *

**[1831 - Local]**

"CMO Ratchet." Nova greeted upon entering the med bay.

"Nova, already come for your evaluation?" The mech answered without looking up. There was some surprise in his vocals but he remained hunched over his desk in the far side of the room with a high powered light shining over him. "Just a moment." He hummed. He hadn't expected her to show up so quickly.

"Yes, sir." She reported in.

"Hump, Sir. It's about time someone around here showed me a little respect. I wondered when you would bore of walking around with that processor glitched terror." He continued tinkering on a large frame piece over his desk, set on finishing his current task.

Nova shifted under the awkward hostility, wondering what exactly she had walked herself into. The Red mech said that Hatchet...that Ratchet wasn't that bad…. Was he trying to trick her? "He didn't seem so adverse to you." She commented.

"He had better not! Not after how many times I've put him back together after his reckless antics." The medic grumbled, standing up and turning his gaze on her. "Alright, let's have a look at you. Up on the exam berth please." Nova quickly obliged, hopping up on the berth, hopeful to evade his annoyed outbursts. "Were you injured upon your escape or entrance into Earth's atmosphere?"

She responded flatly, "No, and yes. I sustained some damage sometime between being jettisoned and landing… I'm not sure when."

"Hmm. Well, run a full systems diagnostic and comm the data to me if you would." He directed, turning to retrieve a scanner before turning back to her.

"Done." The data pinged, and she immediately sent it to the medic before her.

"Lay back." She obliged as Ratchet ran his scanner over her form. "There seems to be some damage to you lower stabilizers, minor damage on your servos, and your data shows some disabled subroutines. I'll need you to bring them online for a more thorough evaluation."

"Of course, Doctor" She sighed heavily, preparing herself for the onslaught of emotions while bringing her disabled subroutines online. She could feel the emotional processes weighing on her spark with renewed vigor and her cooling systems quickening from the stress. Ratchet responded with an evaluating but pitiful glance before hiding his optics behind his equipment and scanning her once more.

He briefly analyzed her processor, ensuring its proper functionality before speaking. "You may shut them down for now." She did so immediately he noted. "However, I suggest you do not remain in this state. I cannot approve your leave from this base until I know you are functioning at 100%. That includes your emotional capacities. You need to cope with it. Shutting down will eventually leave you in a crisis state, and I cannot allow the risk of that happening in a comprising situation."

She struggled to bring her cooling systems down to normal functioning. "I understand. I will endeavor to keep them active." She lied. She didn't even put any real effort into it. The statement was flat, only meant to placate the medic. There were just so many other things weighing on her, she couldn't spare the energy to care.

"I am not so easily deceived Nova." She never was a very accomplished liar. "Aside from minor external damages your repair nanites are capable of mending, you seem to be in optimal shape. I will approve your combat assessment, but I will require a final psychological check up before you can enter the field. Come back to see me in two weeks or if you experience any trauma related symptoms."

"What?" She looked up the terms from the 'internet' and translated them into Cybertronian time frames. Nearly an orn, or 3.5 mega cycles. That wasn't too bad. "Okay." She stood to leave.

"Ah, before you go," He stopped her, still looking over the data he had collected from her. "I realize your loss is still new to you, but having recently emerged from stasis, have you updated your chronometer yet?"

"Not yet, I had more… pressing issues upon landing." He hummed and nodded as his glance raised to meet hers.

"Yes well, best to get it over with." She regarded him skeptically as the medic started down at her with hardened optics that could have only be the result of delivering vorns of bad news. "Your brother's message came in over two stellar cycles ago." At her confused glace he clarified, "Which means, you were in stasis for just over two Meta-cycles." The femme froze. He frowned upon confirming that she didn't know. "After some time, when the your pods were never picked up entering the system, we had given up on your arrival, believing the worst had happened. It wouldn't have been the first time." He frowned despairingly.

"What?" She breathed, trying to process the information. "We were only a deca-cycle away by carrier! Even with the slower speed of the pods propulsion systems," She ran the numbers in her helm as she spoke, "it shouldn't have taken more than two quartex!" She argued, knowing as she said the words, it made no difference. "How?" She whispered in defeat.

"Have you thought of what would have happened if the propulsion failed? Or if the pod hit any debris on its way?" Ratchet answered, offering possible explanations.

"No," she wavered, thinking over the possibility. "Maybe..." Something didn't feel right. It shouldn't have taken that long, even with damage to the shuttle.

Ratchet shifted before turning back to his desks and picking up his tools again. "Regardless, you're here now. I would suggest updating your chronometer after such a long period of stasis." He offered, "Your free to go for now Nova," his focus once again returning to the frame piece.

"Of course, doctor." It had all felt like it had happened no more than a megacycle ago, because for her, it had.

**[1902 - Local]**

* * *

**[2329 - Local]**

For the rest of the day, Nova did her best to avoid the over eager humans, and the overly sympathetic bots. Just as she did her best to ignore the lingering feelings that, despite her shut down subroutines, haunted her sub-processor. She minded her own as she refueled and explored, familiarizing herself with the base, only occasionally asking for directions when necessary, using the descriptions Sideswipe had given her to find what she needed.

She had never been very social. It has always felt forced, unauthentic. She had trouble adjusting to new bots on her team. As far as she had been concerned, she only needed Striker. But now, without his presence to keep her calm, she felt exposed. And the more she explored the base, the worse the feeling became.

Well after the Earth's sun, Sol began to set over the horizon and after thorough exploration of the base, Nova sought out the Prime, a problem weighing on her mind. She searched through the first hanger and when she didn't find him, she checked his office in hanger 5 as Sideswipe had advised her. Upon entering she could see the other officers had long since left, save for Prowl and Optimus, who seemed to be talking in his office. When the SIC left the room and walked by her giving her a small acknowledgment she approached the Prime's door, knocking twice firmly before peaking through the door.

"Optimus, if I may?" Looking around, she wondered if coming to the Prime's office was such a good idea.

"Of course Nova, what is on your processor?" The prime looked up from his overcrowded desk, data pads scattered around.

"Optimus, perhaps we can talk over a walk? Away from all this," She gestured to his table. She didn't know why, but the normalcy of it all disturbed her. It had been a life time ago that she abjured the act of filling out data pads for a life filled with war.

"That would be preferable." The Prime answered kindly, rising from his disorganized data pads. "What can I help you with my young friend?" He asked as they left the hanger, moving towards the pier.

"This is a poor location for a base," She stated bluntly. "Don't you think?" She added quickly, trying to salvage her manners.

He hummed in response. She had peeked his interest.

He was watching her now, but when he did not speech, she took it as a signal for her to clarify. "We are on an island in the middle of an ocean." She paused, as though stating point one. "Without the inferior and under armored human transports we are essentially trapped here. Seeing as the deception forces employ a large amount of seekers and aerial fighters, we are at a debilitating disadvantage if they were to locate and fire upon this island. We would have no place, nor means to retreat. I have no doubt that a deception seeker could destroy any human transport." Each point betrayed her troubled mind all the more.

"Yes. I am aware. I fear it is only a matter of time until the Decepticons do accordingly." Optimus answered in his wise and tempered voice. His answer only served to disturb Nova further. "My tactical officer had much of the same concerns upon arriving. Unfortunately, we cannot forget that the humans play a role in this as well. This is not our planet, and they do not feel comfortable with the Autobots staying on the main continent. It will take some time to assure the humans that we -indeed- mean them no harm."

"Is it really worth risking our lives to satisfy the humans? We are essentially jeopardizing our entire cause on the basis of their overactive fears." She insisted, distressed by the power the Prime let the organics hold over them.

"Hmm." He acknowledged before responding with harmonious conviction. "It must be."

"Optimus, there are times when I feel as though our morals are a hindrance." She muttered, unsure why she was choosing to confide in her superior. He could throw her out for such comments. Not that she thought he would be so stringent as to cull his numbers even further. It just wouldn't have been logical, and she had to believe this powerful mech, this Prime who lead their cause, was -at the very least- logical.

His tone remained gentle, but the lesson was clear. "It is our morals that make us Autobots, Nova. Without them, we are no better then the Decepticons."

"Yeah." She solemnly surrendered her fight, but the worry would remain.

It was strange, she felt so apprehensive in front of the prime before, even terrified of his judgment. So quickly, his soothing voice had pushed her off balance. Beside him -in this casual conversation- she felt calm and despite the content of their conversation, oddly safe. Two feelings she had not felt since before the attack on the Exodus. The rumors about him were more true than she had ever given them credit for.

* * *

Nova had been named for her love of the stars. Once, it had been no secret how much comfort she took in them.

But that was a long time ago.

..

**[0057 - Local]**

It was late into the night cycle after her talk with Prime that Nova stared up into the starry night. She couldn't stand her room in the hanger. It was too small. She had always shared a double room, and the size was making her feel trapped. It wasn't the first time she had felt that way. The last time would have been vorns ago, when Striker had left.

Back then, the colonists didn't have much to spare, so when he had left she had volunteered her room up for a spark-bonded couple and their sparkling who would have had more use for it. She didn't realize at the time how much the smaller room would disturb her. She didn't realize how paranoid she would become without someone sleeping next to her. She didn't realize how his absence would cause her to withdraw from those around her.

There had been nights, back when they were in the academy, when she had been too stressed to sleep. Her tossing had kept Striker up, so when she didn't want to disturb him, she would go up to the roof and stare at the stars. She had loved them before the war. It still had a calming effect on her then. And it still had a calming effect when she was on the colony, even on the Exodus. Some nights, at the colony, she would go up there and pretend she was still at the academy, pretending Striker was sleeping down stairs in their room where she had left him. On other nights, she would imagine him sleeping under the stars, thinking of her and regretting his choice to leave. On bad nights she would think about going out to find him. And on really bad nights, she had tried to convince herself he would never come back. She ended up sleeping -out of sight- on that roof top nearly every night, stirring with fright over even the silentest of noises.

Those first meta-cycles had been hell. She wondered every night whether the empty pit in her spark would ever be filled again. Despite her moments, she had never truly lost hope that Strike was out there, somewhere, killing some con, completing some black op. She had been so mad some nights, angry that his cause seemed to trump his family. She felt abandoned, but she never lost hope. She knew he had to feel the same, but was too stubborn to admit it at the time.

She blankly stared out into the distance, memorizing this small planet's star patterns and their lunar moon as she thought back to that time. All of it had felt much like it did now. Striker had closed the bond out of anger when she refused to go with him. But back then she had something she didn't have now. She had hope. She couldn't feel him then, because he wouldn't let her. But she knew he was still out there, and she knew eventually he would come back. With a bond like theirs, he wouldn't have been able to stay away forever. He would come back. As long as he was still functioning, he would come back for her. She couldn't even remember now, why she felt the need to stand her ground, to let him leave. But she supposed it didn't matter anymore anyway.

Now, she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure if she was mad, or lost. She wasn't sure if the night sky wished to calm or enrage her.

She stared up emptily, memorizing the lines and craters of the Earthen moon as she tried to decide which one.

* * *

**A/N: Well then, now that Nova's gotten situated... I mapped out the time frames, excessively. UGH. MATH!**

**Anyways, those time frames are just to help plant you all into her arrival and how it went. The rest of the story will not be as mapped out, but will have more general time frames. More like the first chapter.**

**Nova thinks humans are strange. Sides is distracted by what's on his processor and dealing with twin emotions. Sunstreaker really doesn't like Nova right now, and he's willing to do just about anything that makes sure she's no where near him or Sideswipe. Sunstreaker's overreacting, and Sides is trying to compensate. Is Nova taking it out on Sideswipe? Maybe a little bit. Who knows? *Shrugs***

**Alright, I'm still across the country, but I'll try my best to get the next chapter out by next week. Sorry for being a day late. Comment/Review! Let me know what you like, don't like, favorite line, or predictions. They help motivate me to write! :)**


	4. Another Time, Another Place

**_A/N: Sorry for the super massive lateness of this chapter. I'm home from my trip, so I'll try to catch up now. I just have a lot of work to do at the moment._**

**_I originally wrote this chapter with a certain mindset and then completely changed it 180 and didn't like it so I rewrote it again. Thus, this chapter didn't want to come into existence and was writer's hell. Anyways, it's done, enjoy, and I apologize for grammatical errors but I am behind schedule so I'm kind of rushing to catch up. Also, I made a reference to one of the Comics in here. Cookies to anyone who can figure out which issue!_**

**_Also, thanks to my guest reviewer on ch. 3 for another wonderful story recommendation._**

_"I can't let go._  
_I'm addicted to your torture. I'm a prisoner to the pain._  
_Although you're gone, All the misery remains._

_I do my best_.  
_Everyday just keeping busy, to avoid the ghost of you_.  
_But when I rest, there is nothing I can do._

_My eyes are closing and I'm scared, cause I only dream of you._  
_You're a beautiful nightmare, and nothing can wake me up from you._

_I gave you love, gave you everything you asked for_  
_And this is what I get. The silence only fills my head with noise."_

_Beautiful Nightmare - Skylar Grey_

_**Time increment **_**_NOTE_**_: I've changed orbital cycles to rotational cycles because it simply makes more sense. Orbital cycles were used in animated for days but realistically it implies a year, and it bothers me. Rotational cycles would be more akin to earth days._

**_Chapter 4: Another Time, Another Place_**

* * *

"Be safe." The warm words echoed in her mind before anything else seemed to make any sense.

Alarms were blaring, echoing throughout the level and causing her audio receptors to ring. _Is that why they were ringing?_

Hazy, bright sterile lights glowed in her vision, blinding her as her processor attempted to come to. Information seemed to be pouring in, but none of it seemed to process. _A last stand_, she felt it, rather than heard. The blasting sounds of cannons startled her attention back to the front. Through the door. Her visor systematically shot down. She could feel her limbs subconsciously transforming in response, a proclivity towards action trained into her like a second nature, preparing to repel the invaders.

_Time._ She felt it, echoing in her spark as she stepped out into the hall. _Time._ She needed more time. They needed more time.

She pulled a grenade from her subspace and methodically tossed it down the hallway to gain a footing. Without even truly seeing where she aimed, she shot off round after round, reeking havoc on any remaining enemies within her line of fire. She watched, not entirely focused as energon blasts tore through the rickety walling of the hallways. Artificial lighting was blown away. The luminescence of incendiaries, pulse cannons and riffles provided the only remaining but fluctuating source of light. Smoke filled the air, making her ventilation systems kick into overdrive, catching every once in a while on the dust as the brilliance of the energy blasts tore through what was left of the deck, so disturbingly reminiscent of that last mission before returning to the colony.

The cries of pain from her foes brought her no cheer. She needed time._ More time._ Anxiety built as she heard her enemies yelling to organize themselves against her. She was doing well, all on her own... but this didn't feel well. There were _too many._ She needed _more time._

Flashes stopped as advancing Cons poured through the choke point, far too many to drive back. she found her weighted frame automatically moving behind the doorway of the adjacent room, taking cover while shooting off blast after blast without hesitation. As long as she could keep them from overwhelming her, as long as she could keep them out of melee distance, she should be able to repel them… _wait..._that didn't feel right… Energon blasts pounding against the doorway brought her attention back to the front. She had to move.

_Time. Time._ The little voice in her mind chanted. It felt so distant. So strangely apart from herself. Like it was its own little entity now, separate from her consciousness which it seem to have been linked to before.

She slammed her fist into the access paneling of the doorway, attempting to jam the controls, but the doors were to damaged to respond. She cursed, instead planting a grenade against the door way and quickly moving to new cover. Moving farther into the bay, she took shelter behind a console as close to the sub-room as she could manage. As soon as the cons crowded passed the doorway, she flipped the switch to trigger the grenade. _Thanks for that one Jackie! Jackie? Jackie...Wheeljack?_ For the third time, her wondering mind was brought back to the present by Con fire.

Did she make enough time?

Shaking off the daze, she could feel the drain on her systems from the large amount of spent cannon fire. A small semblance of fear began to set into her spark as the reality of the situation became more and more clear as each klik passed. She was _running out of time,_ but she never once stopped firing. It was like she was on autopilot, systematically destroying her enemies. But it was the words that set her mind ablaze.

:We're good! Lets go!: Words across a bond. So familiar to her battle hazed mind. Her thoughts wouldn't let them go this time, even as her body reacted and continued firing. She watched in confusion as the scene continued on without her command, without her involvement. Words passed over the bond again, but she could not hear them; they were out of focus, like muffled conversations behind the booming cannon fire.

Finally, the doors to the sub-room open just long enough to admit her entrance and then close again to provide her with a momentary klik to ventilate her systems. The air was still clear in here. The haze shifted and began to settle. The noises died down. Time seemed to stop as she realized that she was in her arms. Not her arms. _His arms._ Her strangely larger form wrapped around her self. But it wasn't her. It was another her. She panicked. That wasn't right! She knew. She knew what would happen. Not the Nova she tossed into the pod. She knew why. She chose this. No, not her._ Him. He knew. He chose._

Her frame rushed to the console to confirm the pod's release and send a message towards Earth. _Her last hope. His last hope._ She could feel the confusion and pain over the bond hit her like a thousand tons of cybermatter. She felt her spark...no, his spark flood with worry as doubt, fear, and anxiety settled in. She could feel her consciousness finally separating from his as the cons begun to burn through the reinforced door. _Did I make the right call?_ He had asked himself. So much confusion.

"Stand down." One ordered as the cons broke into room. Her large frame slowly turned with arms raised. "You put up a valiant fight, misguided as it was, but its over now….Get him on his knees." She had become fully aware, but could still feel everything as though they were one, his love as he reassured her through the bond, and his rage as he glared daggers at the con, all the while searing the imagine of that dark and hideous mech into his mind, into his spark and into her own.

:Only one of us was going to make it out of here, and we both knew it wasn't going to be me. You'll be fine Nova. You will survive. You're strong.: She could feel his faith, his hope and...and his fear. Fear for her. Fear for what would become of her without him there to protect her.

_No._ She pleaded against the bonds that held her here.

"I surrender. You win." The words formed without her permission. _NO! _Nova yelled in her mind, reeling as the red battle worn body before her disobeyed. Because it wasn't her body to command. Certainty, uncertainty, they both spiraled within him. Struggling and bashing against whatever restraints held her, she could feel herself constrained, her efforts useless here. she could not change what was happening.

"Surrender or not, I'm afraid this is the end of the line for you Autobot. Attach the device." Furious optics did not break from his captor, and Nova felt overwhelmed by pride witnessing his resolve, while resolving herself to see this through as he had.

:Till all are one.: Words echoed.

As the cons moved to attach the device, Nova could feel the anxiety building again within her spark, his spark. And as the clamps of the strange machine wrapped around her brother's frame, she could feel the words tumble from his lip platting, "Nova..."

* * *

**[27 Hours After Impact.]**

"STRIKER!" She screamed, loud enough to wake the base -she was sure- and launched up from her recharge with her spark pounding faster than a frightened turbofox being chased by a sparkeater. She vented heavily, trying to pull her mind into the present and calm her spark. The anxiety and the memories of it all were crushing down on her spark with all the weight of luna1.

She pulled herself over to the edge of the berth, cycling heavily in her too small of a room, trying to gain some baring back._ It was a dream. It was all a dream. It wasn't...it couldn't have been… but it felt so….so…_

**Bam! Bam! **A wrapping on her door startled her, gaining her attention. Flashes of cannon fire crossed her vision as the echos of their destruction replayed in her audio receptors. A voice sounded but she didn't catch what it had said, far too wrapped up in the images and sound bytes that felt too real.

**Bam! Bam!** It startled her again. "Nova? Are you okay?" Came the voice from the other side. She didn't know whose. She hadn't memorized them all. She stared at the door as the weight in her spark continued to cripple her while her sensors began to right themselves once more. Even with most of her emotional processes offline, she could feel the fluctuations coming from her spark, overloading some of her minor systems.

_It wasn't real. It wasn't real. _She repeated it to her self like a mantra, trying to bring her frame to function and her mental processes under her control. She moved to the door as the loud knocking continued. She didn't respond at first, contemplating her options. _Tell them what happened, or leave it be?_ No, there was no question.

**Bam! Bam! **"Nova?" The voice became more insistent.

"I'm fine!" She called back, prompted by the unease coming from the other side. "It was nothing." She assured them, keeping her vocals far more level than she currently felt.

"Are you sure? Nova, I heard you yelling..." The voice continued, sounding worried. She wondered if she had heard it before. Maybe the red one. His name alluded her.

"I'm fine!" She insisted again. She wasn't fine. She was the opposite of fine right now. But none of them had to know that. She needed some privacy. Some time to recover before she dealt with anymore company. "Go back to recharge." Surely it was still late in the night cycle. She felt as though she had just laid down. A quick check of her newly fixed chronometer confirmed it; she had been recharging for no more than an earth hour. It was only 3 am.

"Okay…" He paused, as though thinking of leaving her be. "Are you sure you wouldn't like me to get Ratchet?" The concern in his vocalizer was clear. If she hadn't other things on her mind she might have appreciated the thought, but for the moment it was only a burden to her.

Instead, she opened the door and slid out with a glare. "I said I'm fine!" She glowered, more for show of force than actual anger. Her patience was simply limited at the moment, and portrayed anger was effective in turning others away.

The bot she recognized as Mirage stumbled back, his surprise and confusion apparent. "Sorry. I just…. Wanted to make sure. I'll just go." He pointed away and awkwardly moved to leave as she vented a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

As the bot left audio range she carefully closed the door. She needed to collect herself, and quickly.

As she moved over to her berth, her processor hastily moved back to her previous conflict. Her dream. _Striker._ She felt her processor obsessing over what he was going to say, like it was running on over drive trying to decipher a code. It was all so confusing. In those last minutes, everything felt so clear. As clear as though she had been seeing everything through her own optics. she felt aware and she had felt like he was aware. Like they were both there in her dream together. Like they were connected again, like when he was alive.

But she didn't believe in ghosts.

Her spark fluctuated painfully. The weight was there again, in full force as though the bond had just been severed.

_It wasn't real. _She tried to reassure herself._ It was a dream._ She knew it had to be. But everything..._ It wasn't real. It wasn't real…_

They felt like…

_It wasn't…_

Memories…

_Was it?_

_Real?_

The more she thought about it, the more it hurt. Before, it was just the shock that kept her from functioning, but now the physical spark pain and the burning out of her systems was becoming crippling.

She had two viable options. She could see the medic and admit she was glitching, or shut it out and go on pretending. On any other base she would have chosen option two, but could she really hide this from a Prime? Could she really pretend like nothing was bothering her, that Striker's absence, the absence of her twin, wasn't bothering her.

She scoffed at the thought. There were a lot of things that didn't bother her, but no bot could pretend that the loss of that kind of bond didn't eat their spark from the inside out. She needed help.

To go on pretending otherwise was pointless and stupid. And she was neither of those things. That didn't mean it didn't still hurt her pride to admit it though.

* * *

Nova couldn't even think about recharging again that night. The dream was still haunting her processor, and she wasn't ready to relive it again, but she also wasn't about to wake the medic in the middle of a night cycle either.

He seemed grumpy enough in the day cycle as it was.

But, she needed air. She needed out. She needed to stop thinking about it. She needed a lot of things, but none of them would make the pain go away. She felt empty. The pain in her spark would not settle, and the longer she sat there arguing with herself over the validity of her dream, the more it hurt. So, she quietly sneaked out of her room and down the hallway and when she got outside she stared back up at the stars, the stars she had just so recently seen, and when they only made the pain hurt worse, she knew she would have to see the medic soon.

Until then she needed something to keep her occupied. Anything to distract her.

At first, she found her distraction in the form of the wash racks. It had been so long since she had been able to properly clean her plating. As she scrubbed at her armor, she wished she could scrub the images and the pains away as well. She had no such luck.

The Autobots would be up soon, she reminded herself. She just had to keep herself busy a while longer.

Once she was sure her plating was spotless and properly waxed, she transformed down to her alt mode, thinking that perhaps a drive would be more effective in keeping her processor busy. Once she was set, she headed south along the island, all the while starting to regret sending away the concerned bot from before, but she had no intention of sharing her dream nor her pain with anyone, the medic being the only excusable exception. If Optimus thought she was concealing vulnerabilities that could impede her abilities, he would most likely not let her fight, and that was all she had left anymore.

As she reached the furthest south the island would allow she continued along the road to the north east side. Again, her thoughts refocused themselves on the face plates of the last bot in her dream. The bot she had seen before. Had she synthesized her dream from her own memories? It was a possibility. One she could ask the medic about later. For now, that one face haunted her, the one who killed him, the one she would end personally. She had made a promise, and she intended to keep it.

Looking out into the sea at the end of the land mass, she knew only one thing for certain: before her spark was extinguished, she would see all those responsible deactivated.

When the Earth's sun, Sol began to rise once more, Nova made her way back to the base. The other bots were already about, and the red one from before, -Mirage- didn't miss her off base entry. She tried to act as though she didn't notice, but he regarded her with something more than concern now. There was suspicion in his gaze, and considering her behavior earlier she couldn't honestly bring herself to blame him. At least he was being aware.

When she finally approached the medbay, she wondered if she had made a mistake. She didn't honestly want their help, and yet, at the same time she did. It was actually quiet confusing. All of it, everything that had happened was confusing, but it was logic that had her pedes moving towards the fourth hanger's doors. Seeing the medic was the logical thing to do.

"Doctor." Nova announced herself as she moved through the doors. She had to do this, she reminded herself. She had to get cleared if she ever wanted to step off base again.

"Nova?" Ratchet looked up at her, as though with mild disbelief. "I didn't expect to see you in here voluntarily. What brings you to me?" He asked, still working over the intricate portions of the heavy frame piece from the day before.

"A dream..." She cut to the point blandly.

The CMO moved away from his project with mild interest. "What kind of dream?" he inquired.

She delivered the information like a warrior at attention, but her words were hesitant. "A dreams of Striker, dying..."

"Are you experiencing any other symptoms?" The doctor droned.

She cringed at the thought. That's all this was to him, a symptom of spark break. Yes, She was. "I cannot recharge." She answered unemotionally. She probably could have, but she didn't know if she could handle watching it all again, being unable to change a thing. Once was enough. It was burned into her processor as it was.

"Anything else? Are you experiencing any pains with the dream?" He stood and made his way towards her, genuinely concerned now.

"Yes." She answered blandly.

Ratchet crossed his arms in frustration. Her answers were starting to become obtuse. "Nova, you're going to have to be more specific then yes or no answers. This isn't a survey. Tell me what happened."

She sighed. "The dreams are from Striker's optics. The battle on the Exodus before my l-...and after… all of it" she finally added, unwilling to acknowledge her -actual- part in it all. It made it hurt more, to know she was helpless in it all. "I see them, the cons after they broke into the shuttle bay." The medic listened attentively, "I saw it all in so much detail, it was like I was living through it." She sighed again, "and as it goes on it gets clearer, so clear I feel like I can feel him, as though he's there with me and the bond is open again."

"And when you wake up?" He questioned.

"It's like feeling him die all over again. My spark," She slouched, placing a servo over her chassis. The chaotic energy in her was overwhelming. "It's too much for my systems to take..." She vented heavily, her chassis felt as though a weight pressed heavily against her. "Just before I woke up, I could hear him call out to me," It wasn't even relevant but she found her self saying it all the same. A heavy frown settled over her lip plates and her optics burning into the concrete floor.

"You're experiencing acute spark stress reactions. These symptoms are not uncommon in severe trauma patients." The doctor moved to his main terminal and entered some commands before returning to her. Moments later, the terminal came to life and began to synthesis a solution. Ratchet guided her to one of the medical berths, urging her to sit.

He had sat across from her in a moving chair when she looked up at him finally, "It felt so real." She stated, as though it were really a question. "Why does it feel so real?" Her optics were pleading, betraying her lost state of mind.

He tried not to react as surprised as he felt. It was rare for a warrior to admit they needed help, especially one so new to their team as she was. She was vulnerable, and it seemed to him that her emotional subroutines were innately reactivating themselves to help relieve some of the stress on her other systems. "Such experiences are uncommon, but not unheard of." He had to be honest. "Under the circumstances I wouldn't be surprised if they were in fact memories."

"What?" She balked, so sure he would call the notion ridiculous. "What are you saying? That they are? They're real?"

"You're a twin Nova. I highly doubt you've never sent data between yourself and your brother. It wouldn't be impossible for you to have download that data before your bond was severed. In twins, it can be an instinctive response to danger. However, it doesn't surface often if the precipitating event is resolved. How long have you been experiencing this dream?"

"Last night was the first time." She answered. Every other dream had been from her perspective. That she could handle. Or maybe she couldn't but she had expected it. _This?_ This was something entirely... It was too much.

"Did you recharge after waking from stasis before you arrived here?" His examination continued.

"No." She answered distantly, unable to focus enough to be concerned with his reasoning for asking.

"Hmm. That would make sense then." The medic's terminal in the background beeped before turning itself off once more.

"What's it mean? What was this dream supposed to tell me?" She wanted to make sense of it. She needed to feel in control again, and all the confusion wasn't helping.

Ratchet scoffed. "Absolutely nothing. It's not you -per se- whose recalling these memories, but your spark. The wound is still fresh. This dream you've had is likely the result of your spark going over the last data sets received in excruciating detail through your sub-processor. It is trying to make sense of what has happened to your bond connection and why it is no longer there. It hasn't had time to come to accept the loss you've experienced. Dreams like these are simply another symptom of spark break and ghost pains. They will fade with time."

She saddened at the thought. She didn't want Striker to fade. She didn't want to forget, not ever. She would take the dreams any day over not thinking about him for one klik. "And what if I don't want them to? Is there any way to make the pain stop, but keep the dreams?" Did she really just ask that? Was it really worth it? Did she really want to keep reliving -of all things- his death?

"Why in the world would you want to do that?" He jerked back, giving a heavily disapproving frown, one she returned.

"Do I really need to answer that?" Even as the dreams tortured her, she couldn't make herself wish them away. When she dreamt, it was like Striker was still there. For as long as the dream would permit, she could feel their connection, reliving those last moments as though they never passed. Until they did.

Ratchet scowled at her. "Even if there were, it would do more damage then good. You need to let him go and accept that he's gone. No loss is easy, but we have to move on, if for no other reason than for the one we've lost. For what it's worth, take solace in that the fact that he is in a better place in the well of all sparks, and that he does not have to suffer through this unending war any longer." The medic huffed.

"What are you suggesting then, Doctor?" She asked sourly.

"The dreams will fade with time as the spark comes to accept your separation. I can prescribe a sedative to help you recharge in the meantime." Ratchet walked over to the counter, opened a draw below the terminal and pulled out multiple tubes of a green liquid substance. "Add this to energon and consume it a cycle before recharging. It should prevent your sub-processor from recalling files and help your systems with defragmentation. When you run out, come see me for more. Have you re-enabled your emotional subroutines?"

"No" she answered honestly.

He grumbled irritably under his breath. "Enable them now. You need to adjust to having them online again. The longer they are offline, the worse it will be." He scowled at her. "Honestly, those subroutines are just as necessary as any other system. You cannot continue the way your going about right now. You're starting to burn out your systems," the medic grumpily complained.

It took a moment for her to respond. Assessing herself now, she had indeed caused some damage. "Yes." She muttered, acknowledging his request and bracing herself for the extreme discomfort as she switched the subroutines to their operational status.

"Take one of the sedatives now. I'll watch over you while you recharge." He motioned for her to lay down, before moving back over to his project.

She sighed. She never was quiet comfortable recharging in front of unfamiliar bots, especially now. But the CMO didn't seem as though he would give her a choice, and as he held her clearance in his hands, it was necessary. She took the vials and sub-spaced all but one. She emptied it into her tanks and laid back on the berth, enabling her recharge protocols.

* * *

It was well into the next day when she finally woke felling hazy and slowed, almost like the memories that had clouded her in the beginning of her dream, but this wasn't a memory and she wasn't recharging. Her sensors slowly identified the marking of the hanger's designation, the medical bay. She had been recharging as she recalled.

Her systems were calm and she circulated air easier. Her previously over worked systems were working optimally once again, but she still felt a weight weighing on her. The reality of her loss was pouring over her emotional processors and it was difficult to keep it together.

However, it didn't feel as bad as before, if that made any sense. Even when she tried to block it out, her external systems were hardly the cause of her distress; shutting them down was not a solution, but a triage. A temporary attempt to get by until it no longer worked. Sooner or later, it was bound to fail.

Now the pain was muffled in an entirely different kind of way, and it disturbed her. She felt the relief in her systems from not denying the chaotic energy a way to discharge appropriately, but her spark was also quieter, as though the sedatives were not only affecting her processor, but her very being. It bothered her, because it felt like tampering with something that was never to be tampered with. The loss of a bond like hers' was supposed to hurt, and _this_? This didn't feel right. It was like her spark was so sedated that it couldn't tell he was missing. Or worse, it forgot. Part of her was missing, and her spark couldn't even tell. Like he was never there to begin with...

What had the medic given her? Whatever Ratchet prescribed as doing far more than he said it would.

Her very core felt numb, and even as she rose from the medical berth, her central processor remained foggy and her spark empty. She resisted the sickening feeling accompanied with the urge to sway as her pedes barely held her weight.

She didn't want to feel like this, an empty nothing, a vacuum. She wanted to feel something, even if it hurt. She could feel panic setting in. She had made the wrong call going to the medic. She pulled out the sedative allocated for her next recharge and looked them over, contemplating her choices. Any pain was better than feeling nothing at all. This felt like indifference. Like this, she didn't think she could grieve, let alone fight.

Standing fully, she sub-spacing the sedatives knowing that there was nothing to be done about it now. The substance was currently running its course through her frame, and she would have to wait for it to clear to feel any semblance of normality.

As she stepped off the berth, the medic noticed her from the corner of the hanger. Funny, she hadn't noticed him there before. "Are you felling any better?" He asked.

"Rested," She answered placidly, trying not to betray her cluttered thoughts.

"And your subroutines, are they causing any trouble?" He ran a scanner over her from his seat to insure they were still indeed, activated.

"None at all." She stood tall suppressing the need to wobble, and he hummed in response. "How long will I need to continue the use of the sedative?" She never had been a fan of external substances influencing her processor. This one was proving to be particularly uncomfortable.

"Only as long as is necessary." He replied shrewdly. She wondered how long he would think it to be so, but knew better than to ask. She wouldn't be finding out anyway.

"Can I go?" She asked, trying not to display her discomfort but was sure she was failing miserably.

"For now," He responded and gestured towards the hanger doors. "You should take it easy as you adjust to the new medication." He looked down to the data pad in his servo as he typed in a new entry. "I'd like to see you in a few rotational cycles to see how your adapting."

"Okay," She mumbled, shuffling her way to the doors. As she pulled them open, the light from the mid day sun lit her optics like flood lights. She nearly fell over from the blinding sensory data flooding her systems. Pain receptors surged in response. Her visor shot down on reflex, and she was grateful for its darkened tint. A passing thought popped in her helm. It would be awkward explaining her need for it to anyone on the base at the moment.

The feeling was almost akin to the withdrawal one experienced from being overcharged and deprived of recharge. She wondered how many vorns it had been since she last experienced that feeling. Three? Four? She hadn't had many occasions to celebrate.

She stumbled her way between hangers, trying desperately to remain out of sight as much as possible. Unfortunately, she wasn't very coordinated. Turning around a corner on her way towards hanger 2, she walked smack dab into Mirage. Luckily, the red bot grabbed hold of her firmly before she could fall on her aft.

"Careful there," He watched her, brow ridge raise.

"Thanks," She murmured, unable to find the state of mind necessary to pull away.

"What are you doing back here?" He pushed her away to arms length, continuing to evaluate her as he held her up.

"Ratchet," she shook her helm trying to form the words, it still felt like a scrambled mess, "gave me a sedative, to recharge. Hanger 2..." Her muffled words came out in broken pieces, but it was obvious she needed to lay down before she fell down.

"And why are you walking behind the hangers?" His suspicion died. He was weary of why she was off base the previous morning after her performance earlier that morning. Then she disappeared for the rest of it. He hadn't thought to ask the CMO. He had suspected nightmares when she first yelled. Now, he seemed to be holding all the proof. He felt bad for her, but she didn't really have a reason for skulking behind the hangers.

"Hiding..." She was feeling even more tired by the klik. Hadn't she just recharged?

"Hiding from who exactly?" He questioned.

"Everyone. Warriors need to be strong… I need to recharge..." She could feel her systems shutting down one by one and her processor initiating an uncalled for recharge protocol.

"Whoa there!" He shook her lightly, bringing her back to alertness. "Alright, just stay awake a couple moments longer," He scooped her up and ran towards the second hanger, activating his holograms and cloaking for more privacy. Other bots didn't need to get the wrong idea. "Stay awake a little longer." He commanded.

As he pulled up to her room he carefully set her on her pedes.

"Here we are." He was hesitant to release her, she was barely functioning. If she hadn't mentioned ratchet before, he would have taken her to see the medic.

She wobbled for a moment, but preceded to punch in the code for her room. Before stepping in, she turned back to the red bot, grabbing his arm for balance, "I'm sorry." She murmured.

"What?" He was dumbfounded. What was she sorry for?

"For yelling, the other night. I'm sorry." She turned back to her room, as though that was explanation enough. The door slid closed in front of the awe struck spy.

What a strange apology.

* * *

Nova stumbled into her room after securing the lock. She walked over to her desk in the back corner of the room and unsubspaced the sedatives the medic had given her before tumbling towards her berth. She felt like she had been hit with a battle grade tranquilizer.

As soon as her helm hit the berth she was out.

When Nova woke the next morning she was calm and collected, energized even. She had rested so long, longer than she thought she ever had before and her internal databanks were pristine. Her systems were working, even her spark was calm.

She new right then, she would never take the sedative again.

* * *

_-Some time ago-_

The loud clanking of pede steps on metal sounded in the halls as bots marched through them, scattered rubble and debris were carelessly knocked aside. Pressurizing systems whirled loudly, struggling to restore some order to the ship as alarms continued to blare.

He could feel his consciousness waning in and out. He dreadfully wondered why he wasn't dead as he vaguely remembered what had happened. The cons had attacked his ship and disabled him. His repair nanites were desperately attempting to repair the damage to his processor and vital systems, but those cons were making a serious effort to keep him out it seemed. Whatever they attached to him was causing an enormous amount of pain.

As they dragged him through the halls, he could just barely hear his captors vocals over the haze of his own muddled thoughts. "What about the other one?" The bot on his right asked.

_Other one? _Groundstriker's mind swirled. _What other one?_

"What about her?" The bot on his left questioned back.

A fearful tone spoke from his right once more. "Won't the boss be mad we didn't nab her too?"

"She doesn't matter," the second Con coldly responded. "We only needed one."

_She? _His mind wrapped around the words. Nova. _They only needed one…_ He tried to put the pieces together in his mind, but it just wasn't adding up. Why was he alive? They were definitely Decepticons. Why did they only need one? What did they need him for? What boss? And more than anything, why couldn't he feel Nova?! His cooling fans picked up from the stress, but the cons didn't take notice.

They continued to lug him roughly through the ship until they arrived at the ships brig and violently tossed him into one of the decrepit cells. His systems fritzed from the impact.

"What do you suppose Shockwave wants with him anyways?" One asked offhandedly as they strode away.

Overwhelming dread set in as his mind latched onto that one word.

The other con dead panned to the first. "Do you really want to know?"

The first con shuttered with a sneer. "Uh...maybe not."

_Shockwave._

_So that was what this was about…_ That didn't bode well for him. He might have actually preferred to be dead. What was worse still, was that he still couldn't feel Nova over the bond. Which meant she couldn't feel him. Which meant she definitely _thought_ he was dead.

_Frag._

* * *

**After A/N: O.O... That's right Folks! Groundstriker lives! Somewhere out there in the vastness of the universe is a poor lost twin. :(**

**I'm really moving between continuities like crazy. Although I like keeping a bunch of aspects from the comics, G1 and the cartoons, I really liked Mirage's red paint scheme in the movies. He looked awesome! :) And there are too many blue painted bots in this story at the moment for my liking.**

**This story really took a turn from what I originally had in mind. I'm curious what you guys think, and what you guys think might happen or want to happen. Let's see some predictions! :D**

**Thanks for reading, and I'll do my best to get the next chapter up soon!**

**Reviews help keep me motivated when I write! Hint hint. :)**


	5. Assessment Day

**A/N: It's on time! :) Writing this fight scene with Ironhide has been my favorite part so far! :)**

"_I'm taking it slow, Feeding my flame,  
Shuffling the cards of your game.  
And just in time, In the right place,  
Suddenly I will play my ace."_

_Eyes on Fire – Blue foundation_

Time increment translations are on chapter 1.

**_Chapter 5: Assessment Day_**

* * *

**[4th Rotational on Diego Garcia: 0655]**

It wasn't until the next morning that a knock at her door woke her again. Blissfully, she woke not feeling as drugged as the day before and was now fully functioning. She was well rested and felt oddly relaxed, but the feelings during her brief bout of wakefulness from the day before haunted her. More so than the nightmare. Though even now, her spark felt too calm for her comfort.

When she heard the comparatively soft tapping on the door, she rose to answer it. She didn't know who she had expected -maybe the medic-, but was surprised to be met with Mirage, bringing her to remember the aid he had provided her the day before. She cringed inwardly. She would feel obligated to thank him for that at some point.

The red bot smiled sympathetically. "I came to make sure you were alright," he stated before rushing to add, "and to see if you would like to get some energon." He moved out of the way with a flourish, allowing her to exit her quarters as already though expecting her answer.

His hopeful gaze met her awkwardly shifting form. She didn't get a chance to formulate an answer before her fuel tanks answered for her, emitting a loud rumble. Primus, she was running on empty. She huffed a half-sparked laugh, "I suppose that's an answer." A weak, slightly embarrassed frown fell over her plating.

He returned an uncertain but friendly smile, "Good. Let us refuel before the morning lines get any longer."

She hummed an affirmative before being guided by him out of the hanger. The walk to B8 was more comfortable that Nova had anticipated it would be. It struck her as strange. She was never very social, and had trouble making friends -if she could even call them that-, but Mirage didn't push. He seemed relaxed, and simply pleased with just her company. It was... very strange.

When they arrived at the refueling station he insisted that she sit while he retrieved the energon. There were few bots in the building. A check to her chronometer listed the time at 0700 local time. The other bots must have already refueled, or she supposed were engaging in extra recharge.

When Mirage returned, she couldn't help her curiosity. "You mentioned lines? Where are all the other bots?"

"Ah," he hummed, "A human concept. They call it a week end." She could have looked it up, but the thought didn't occur to her. Instead, she stared at him expectantly until he continued, and he laughed. The pleasant sound brought another minuscule smile to Nova's lip plates. It was so relaxed. She wasn't used to having simple conversations with other bots. It felt... good? A strange feeling. "Humans organize their mega-cycles into weeks. A period of seven rotational cycles." She nodded as he continued. She knew what a week was from her conversation with Ratchet. "The first and last days of that week are called _week ends_, where humans spend the days resting and recharging for the work days to come."

She tried to apply the concept, but it was odd to her. There was hardly time for rest in a war. "So, it's like a miniature recess of human society? Break cycles. Everybot's engaging in extra rest today?" She raised a brow ridge.

"Most of them." He responded, sipping at his energon with manners she had not seen since before the war.

The thought sparked something in her. She could attempt to salvage her manners too. "Yesterday, thank you," Her simple words were her feeble attempt to express her gratitude. Memories of his actions played in the back of her processor. She was hardly coherent enough to walk then. Without his aid she might have face planted herself in the middle of the runway with how befuddled her processor was.

He chuckled, "You have a very straightforward way of speaking."

She stiffened, unsure how to take the comment. She stumbled over how to respond in her helm, opening and closing her mouth to try to respond appropriately, but was cut off when he graciously saved her

"It is endearing." He added with a handsome smiled.

Again, she was unsure how to respond. On her arrival day, she had been so numbed down that she simply didn't care about what she said or what anybot thought of her. Today, she found herself uncomfortably uncertain. She entertained the desire of actually forming what others described to her as a 'friendship', something she never truly had apart from her brother. She almost wished she could punch something, that way her battle programming would kick in and she might actually begin to function appropriately. It had been far too long since she engaged in social interaction.

"You are shyer than I had expected. You fought with that barbaric twin the other day. I admit I had expected something entirely different, but you are so quiet now." His words had her shifting uncomfortably. Primus! He just kept calling her out on it. What happened to manners?

"Yes, well. My emotional programs were shut down." Her companions optics brightened with surprise. "I wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind to hold much of an intelligible, nor tolerant conversation." She reasoned properly. She could do proper. Kind of. She had practiced proper conversing once upon a time, in a time long past.

His helm tilted curiously. "I'm sorry, for all you've been through." A dulled pang of hurt reverberated within her. "I know you must be hearing this a lot-"

She held up a servo to cut him off. "It's okay." She cycled a breath, attempting to correct herself. "It's not okay, but I'll be okay… If you understand what I mean..." She stammered, trailing off when she believed the meaning of her statement to be lost. "Ratchet's unpleasant medication works well enough." It was a lie, but she didn't need anybot else worrying about her.

"Yes, I saw that for myself the other day. Are you sure whatever that was is a solution?" He seemed genuinely concerned despite her attempt to placate him, but she didn't feel like yelling at him again. She found that maybe, she didn't mind it so much. From him. As long as this wasn't everybot's reaction, then maybe she could handle it. He had done her a favor after all, the least she could do was keep her temper and share some conversation over energon.

"I'll adjust. The CMO is working on the kinks." She added, nervously sipping down her energon as well.

"Do you plan on completing you combat assessment soon?" He asked out of no where, but Nova was overwhelmed with relief at the change of topic, visibly relaxing.

"Yes," she answered sightly more enthused. "I received approval from the CMO a couple days ago. I should go see the weapons specialist about it now." She drained her cube quickly with hopes of escaping, but her companion rose with her. She mentally groaned. She was making a sincere effort to not come across as rude, but she wasn't sure how long she could maintain the facade.

"Ah, then do me the pleasure of allowing me to escort you there." He bowed, with servo extended. It seemed the action had gone one step to far with her. A smile remained on his features, but she found herself wondering if he had an ulterior motive.

"Is there something that you need from me?" She asked bluntly, leveling him with a questioning gaze. His smile fell, a soft frown replacing it.

"No." His optics were honest, but she didn't know him. Immediately she felt bad for questioning him. He had discreetly helped sneak her to her quarter the other day, and one refueling later, here she was being rude already. "Would you like me to leave you be?" He asked, sadly displeased.

"Um...no. It's..." She planted her face plates in a servos before grumbling and sighing loudly, "I'm not good with social interaction." She'd made a fool of herself and she had barely even said anything. Today was not starting out well.

To her surprise the bot released that effortlessly soft laugh again, the mild mannered cheer back in his tone. "Few on this base are. Perhaps I can be of help." He offered her his servo once again, like a true gentlebot, and she vaguely wondered where this bot was raised. What class had he come from? He certainly had the mannerisms of the Cybertronian upper class.

She hesitantly accepted his servo as she moved around the human designed over-sized benches. He mercifully let go when she stood on her own, and took both their cubes to the recycle area before guiding her back out of the building.

"Were you properly shown the base yet?" He asked, staring down at her with a gaze she didn't understand. It wasn't off-putting, merely...intense. Perhaps he was measuring her like the Prime had on her arrival day.

"Hmm?" Her attention drifted back to him. She had been zoning out. "Yes. Sideswipe showed me around."

Mirage scoffed. "I would be surprised if he could find his way around his berthroom." The red bot laughed.

She frowned. "It seems he's not very popular around base." She commented, remembering the CMO's words from the mega-cycle before. Perhaps it was because of his twin? That seemed unfair.

"Hardly, most the bots here are on wonderful terms with him." His optics never left her and she found herself returning his gaze with curiosity in her next question.

"Then why aren't you? The CMO, Ratchet, he also seemed hostile towards him."

"When you pull as many pranks as that bot does, it tends to grate on some bots' nerve circuits." He answered, and Nova scoffed lightly. She gave the faintest of smiles, contented with the answer. When she looked back up him she could see he was affronted again, like pranking was some grave offense. It only made her laugh harder. "Yes. Well, we'll see how you feel once he gets you." He added good-naturedly. Her weak chuckles continued. "Would you like a proper tour, I would be honored to oblige." The offer stood.

"Thank you." she calmed herself, "I'll keep that in mind." They soon pulled up to the 7th hanger, where Mirage said a polite goodbye and swiftly disappeared, speaking of other duties he had to attend to. She was relieved, but also mildly disappointed. He had proven to be good company, despite her awkwardness.

* * *

Walking into the hanger, she was unsurprised to be greeted with the sight of the weapons specialist cleaning one of his larger cannons.

"Specialist Ironhide," She announced her presence, greeting him much like she had done with the medic the first time she sought him out.

"Ha!" The mech barked, "If it isn't the new front-liner. Come to pick a fight?" He pointed a charging cannon at her and she instinctively moved into a subtle defensive stance, waiting for any indication of attack. What wasn't so subtle was her visor shooting down, making her alerted state obvious. They remained frozen like that until he finally relented with a deep bellowing laugh. "Ha ha ha! It was only a joke," He assuaged, lowing his cannons. She relaxed significantly, visor snapping back up but she remained alert regardless. A deep frown of disapproval remained.

"Jokes don't usually involve the pointing of active weapons at allies." She argued, marginally irritated but trying to keep it from her face plates. He was a weapons specialist. Wasn't this like… breaking safety rule number 1?

"Hmm." He rumbled, disgruntled. "No sense of humor then. What can I do for you, _front-liner_?" He stressed the last words like he didn't believe them and it irked her immensely. He was definitely trying to subtly get under her plating she was sure, likely his way of psyching out new opponents.

A collection of passing humans looked on their conversation as she answer, "My combat assessment. The CMO approved it. I've rested. I would like the opportunity to complete it when you are available." She stated her intent, directly to the point.

"Ah." He rumbled with a dark chuckle. Just how much did this bot underestimate her? Or was he really that good? Sideswipe had warned her… "Come back around noon and we'll see what you've got then." He answered gruffly before going back to cleaning his cannon.

"Fine." She bluntly acknowledged. When she turned to leave, the humans watching from the door quickly skittered out of the way. A few of them actually went running. She wasn't sure she wanted to know why but she had her suspicions. She vented heavily as she moved away from the hanger. She needed something to pass the time. Even in her calmed state, she knew sitting around with nothing to do was dangerous to her mental health.

_What to do? What to do?_

* * *

Four hours of zoning out to the rec rooms' tedious human television programming later Nova's internal timer went off, informing her of her upcoming fight. She peeled herself off of the over-sized couch as her nerves circuits began to spasm in anticipation and she began the process of mentally preparing herself for her assessment. Every other bot in the room seemed to rise with her, _and_ _mech_, was that strange.

As she made her way to the training hanger, the group of chattering bots followed her. She felt the certainty of her suspicions before. Her expectations of the humans had been correct.

Everyone had come to watch save for the golden mech, Sunstreaker and Optimus himself. Though, she suspected the latter actually had a reason. She was almost bummed she didn't get to show off just how great she was in front of the golden aft, for no other reason than to make him eat his words. She had to actively dispel the thought from her processor. Indifference took less effort than hate, and she didn't have the energy to spare.

She entered the extraordinarily enormous training hanger, and took a moment to really take it all in. It was -with out a doubt- the largest of the hangers on the base. There was a massive weapons rack in a far corner, offering every close range weapon she could imagine. There was even an open second floor lining the right side, obviously structured for human viewing. The measly supports would never be able to support the weight of a full framed Cybertronian. Her tester stood unarmed in the center of the hanger, waiting for her as the crowd grew.

It had been a very long time since she last had to complete a skills assessment. There were a few rules to it. No cannons. No battle grade weapons. One point is awarded for a move that would otherwise incapacitate an enemy. Only two points could be claimed in a round regardless of who claimed them. Each round was divided by two kliks starting from the moment the last point was claimed, or if one of the combatants broke off to regather themselves. First to five points was the victor.

It was strange for her, a battle hardened femme like herself having to complete an exam typical of a warrior coming out of the academy, almost insulting even. If Optimus had seen her fight and still deemed it necessary, it would have been. Her surviving thus far into the war had certainly been no fluke. But she understood that the Prime just wanted to make sure she was fit for combat. He didn't want to risk her or any other bot's spark on an unknown. That was something she could respect in a leader, even admire.

When she was first introduced to Ironhide his sheer size wasn't lost on her. Sure, she was only maybe 4 or 5 feet shorter than him, but with her slender feminine frame, it felt like he had four times her frames' mass. She hadn't worried about it at the time, but now as she assessed the combat instructor in front of her, it dawned on her how much of a feat standing against him would be... and worse, she had to do it solo.

Whispers filled the hanger as the surrounding Cybertronians gossiped about how Nova would fair, and they weren't the only ones. Flocks of the smaller organic humans hung over the railing on the one sided and open observation floor. The femme wondered if their placement was really such a great idea for their delicate little bodies. If she were to be slammed against the railing -and that was a very real possibility considering the bulky size of her opponent- their little limbs would be dangerously close to being crushed. She cringed in disgust at the thought of organic matter stuck between her plating._ Ew. _She shuttered.

The mountain in front of her grunted roughly before slamming his fists together. "Ready femme?" He taunted, amused at her strange and precarious ponderings. It was common for the new recruits to spend an extra moment or two staring about, observing their surroundings, assessing tactics. If they didn't, they would usually fail miserably. But it also wasn't unusual for bots to fail their first exam with Ironhide. He wasn't known for going easy on the new bots. Although, no bot was going to tell her that. He wanted to see what she had. If she couldn't best him, then she had no business being a front-liner. He didn't even have his cannons!

Refocusing herself, she laid her optics on her opponent. Analyzing carefully, she looked for any weaknesses she could use against him. He preferred heavy weapons that couldn't be fired off at this range without destroying the hanger, and anyways cannons were forbidden. That would be an advantage. While his size was certainly an asset in his favor, speed would be her counter. She concluded that this fight would likely yield results akin to her spares with her twin. Ironhide would simply require more wearing down, much, much more wearing down.

_Yes._ She could do this. She would need to stay offensive to get her points as quickly as possible as her smaller frame probably couldn't take a beating like what the larger mech could undeniably dispense. She narrowed her optics and nodded after sliding down her combat visor.

"When ever your ready..._ mech_." Her last word popped out of her mouth like an insult, or some kind of inside joke. The big guy frowned curiously at her, but that was exactly what she wanted. He scowled as he charged at her, and she smirked provokingly, if only to rile him further.

The large mech let loose an impressive battle cry as he charged the -by comparison- miniature femme. He was probably worried that he might crush her because it was apparent to her in the hesitation of his movements. In that moment Nova felt a thrill of smug endearment flash for an instant within her processes. Even when slightly provoked, the Autobot still cared about her safety. It almost warmed her spark. She would still crush him.

As he moved halfway across the hanger she moved to pick up some speed of her own. When he came into his arms reach, she faked a right movement but sprung herself left into a roll. The mech tumbled forward, barreling his servos into the ground where he believed the femme was headed. She swiftly shifted up onto her pedes and launched herself on the mech's back. She clawed her way up and attached to his mid back, just out of his arms reach. He definitely wasn't a flexible mech.

As he stumbled around trying to reach her, she pushed her servos through the small gaps beneath his armor plating and shoved her digits deep down into his backbone infrastructure with movements precise and clean. His vents hitched as his central systems seized for a moment before she released her grip on the sensitive and vital wiring.

"One." she called. Small cheers, claps, and various whoops sounded in the crowds. Others remained passive.

Ironhide growled in frustration and she felt him falling back on his pedes, perilously close to colliding with the hanger wall. It was obvious he wouldn't continue to worry for her safety now. As he pushed back to hit the wall she dropped down as far as she could to leap out from beneath his bulky limbs. Unfortunately, she had been too predictable, because he grabbed her right pede and slammed her against the hanger wall. Her compressors violently decompressed from the impact and she felts her processor stall for a nano-klik.

"One." His deeper voice echoed with some obvious humor. She couldn't hear the crowds' reaction as her audios reset, not that she cared anyways.

She could feel slight vibrations as the mech walked over to her, probably to help her up but her pride wouldn't allow for that. She rolled back up onto her pedes in a single fluid movement and put some distance between them as she felt a couple of her key systems do a quick reboot. She could feel the frustration building within her. He was faster than she had anticipated. They had both lost a point for underestimating the other. That was okay, they were feeling each other out. It was expected with a new opponent.

Thinking tactfully, she wouldn't be able to use the same feint against his charge again. But she had other moves. She walked over to the weapons rack and pulled out two long dull blades. Fortunately, only cannons were forbidden in sparing because they didn't have a suitable training counterpart; she could still use training swords. The only short coming was that the blades she wielded would not transform with her and if she lost them, that was it. Once she returned to her spot she watched her opponent retrieve a flail with a round bumpy ball attached to its end. She did her best to remain unfazed. He was after all, a weapons specialist. He undoubtedly had experience with every Cybertronian weapon on this base.

With the combatants taking their marks again the crowd hushed attentively. Nova moved forward into a jog to gain some momentum while her opponent began swinging his flail in the air, circling it above his head, preparing for an offensive attack while he tracked her movements as she neared. He was fast, faster than she would have thought but she was still faster. She pounced up to her left against the wall and launched herself back into a flip over the large mech.

His flail narrowly missed her, smashing into the wall leaving a disturbingly large whole in the hanger wall. There were various noises across the hanger but she tuned them out, entirely focused on her goal. While hovering over her assessor she pulled down her blades and smashed them against his main energon lines, pedes landing on his shoulders to provide extra leverage. Using a slicing motion with her swords, she immediately flipped back off of the crumbling mech. The blades were too dull to slice through, but the impact left the large mech bent over coughing as the damage had undoubtedly, if briefly, interrupted some vital systems. She landed gracefully on her pedes and hopped backwards as his flail impacted the ground where she once stood.

She smiled smugly, shaking her helm. So predictable.

But she could not become complacent.

There were some very loud noises of approval coming from the exuberant crowd now. She even spotted the crimson front-liner clapping happily as he cheered, and Mirage not far away looking on with an impressed smile. She stepped back several more times to discourage Ironhide's continued attacks while he regathered himself. Ideally, she should have continued attacking for that second point, but she had more honor than that. This was still just a training exercise after all; they were comrades, not enemies. She would give him that.

"Two." She spoke softly. A shot to the main lines always hurt. Unfortunately for him, it was unavoidable. She needed to win.

"Don't stop on my account little one." He hacked with an obvious and proud grin. She had impressed him. She would honor his wishes. He seemed like a prideful mech, and she wasn't about to hurt it by denying the request. She couldn't guarantee she wouldn't hurt it in other ways though.

"Very well." She nodded her understanding.

Looking for her next opening, she knew her unsharpened swords wouldn't be able to pierce the armored portions of his frame, but there were still weak spots that she could exploit. She just needed to hit them right. She guardedly approached the mech as he stood proud and ready as ever. He moved his flail in to a defensive position. If he stayed on the defensive she was sure it would draw out the fight. But, it was advantageous for her that she might be able to look for errors in his defense rather than in his war refined offense.

She slowly circled him, eying him as though he were pray to be devoured, swords ever at the ready.

Finally, she ran at him, and as he took one step forward to repel her attack she used her momentum to slip underneath him, twisting around behind him and lodging one of her swords into his stabilizing joint. He crashed down to his knee with a loud reflexive bark of pain. She immediately took advantage by attacking another exposed line along his main supporting cables with her other sword. He moved to swat her away, but once the second sword was embedded in the neck joint it was fruitless. His nerves circuits froze and the bot remain motionless, as though frozen in place.

"Three," she called, spinning around to gain momentum for a strong kick to the back of his helm, "Four." She grunted as she landed the brutal attack. He crashed to the ground, still unmoving from the sword blocking the nerve array in his neck. _One more._ That was all she needed.

The crowd went wild, and she felt the thrill of victory, premature as it was.

She removed the swords from his joints so that his systems could reset their functionality again.

"I've underestimated you." He grumbled from the floor. "I won't make that mistake again." He almost sounded...happy? It seemed to her like maybe he was glad he didn't have to hold back. He looked forward to pummeling bots, and in returned, being pummeled, a bot sparked for combat. It took her off guard for a long moment. Long enough for the next round to begin and for him to charge her -weapon disregarded-. She had made a mistake. She hadn't put any distance between the two for fear she might have caused some damage to his nerve lines.

"Two!" He roared as he snatched her up and threw the small femme across the entirety of the large hanger. There was a loud snap as she violently slammed into the wall's supporting beams -the only explanation for her not crashing through the wall- before crumbling down onto the ground. When she landed, she did her best to initiate a roll to soften the impact, but it did little to cushion the blow.

Attempting to regain her senses, she imagined the humans weren't feeling very safe at the moment. Her systems stuttered as her optical visor fired off various warnings across her field of vision. _Damn_. The damages were minor, but it would take a while for her repair nanites to fix. Her backbone infrastructure hurt, and she would be soar tomorrow, but an injury like this would never keep her down.

Concerned gasps and angry complaints had fired out from the audience. General opinion did not approve of the mechs' rough treatment of their new recruit, but the crowds response was more infuriating than the actual damage to her systems. Mechs always did underestimate the durability of their female counterparts. She forced herself to her pedes with an unseen, but scorching scowl directed towards the crowd. Her deep and threatening frown displayed her severe disappointment in their assessments. It seemed effective because the voices were soon muffled.

"Can you continue?" Guilt. There was guilt in his voice! It infuriated her as she barely repressed her desire to growl. She had minor systems damage. Of course she could continue! This was a war, not a sparklings' playground. Injuries happened! What kind of femme did they take her for?

She glared at the crowd again. "It should never have been in question. I am more than capable." The fury wasn't far from her tone. She didn't mind taking a physical blow, but she wouldn't allow for the insult to go without reprove. She turned her attention back to her assessor, retrieving her dropped swords. "Any damages incurred were minor and are inconsequential."

The brute calmed and she readied her swords, a clear indicator of her intent to attack. She wanted this last point to _make a point_.

She ran at the bot, faster than any other movement she had made before. She threw her blades forward, hard enough to lodge them into the concrete ground near the large mech's pedes before closing the distance and launching her servo-to-servo assaults. Ironhide tried valiantly to keep up with them, but each of her servos hit weak plating, and each strike he attempted was redirected, hitting only air. He tried to kick her away from him, but she fluidly dodged and launched her own. Finally he bulldozed his way away from her, turning to prepare for her next assault.

But she was already in the air above him, swords in servo once again. She bombarded him with enough force to knock him on his back, landing on his chassis with swords aimed at his chest plating, emulating the strike necessary to implant them into his spark chamber.

The bots in the crowd were quiet save for some surprised comments. None of them had expected such a frontal assault from the small femme. None of her previous attacks had been so direct. But Nova had specialized in swift take downs. Prowl was the first one to initiate the applause, followed by the humans and the rambunctious cheers of most the Autobots.

"Five." She smirked, moving off the large bot and holding out a servo for him, much like she once did on the Exodus. The smile faded.

Ironhide gratefully accepted it, and nearly toppled her over with his weight. "You move well for a little bot," he complimented, with a proud smirk.

"I move well for anybot," She replied cockily. She vented a deep breath to cool her systems, relieved it was over. Her assessment hadn't been much more intense than when she and her brother had exited the academy. But Ironhide hit hard, and apart from her brother, it had been a while since she had fought such a worthy opponent one-on-one without the intention of offlining them.

"Hmm," He rumbled, "if I had my cannons, it would have been a different battle entirely," He countered, attempting to save face.

"Indeed." She acknowledged, for it was true. "Although, I would have had my swords, and plenty of other tricks to show; however, I would be satisfied with being grateful we are on the same side," She smiled an empty smile that did not reach her optics but it was well meant, offering a truce.

One he accepted graciously. "Yes, it was a good fight. You will certainly be a worthy addition to our team. I will give Optimus my highest recommendations," he complimented.

"Thank you, sir." She nodded respectfully. One assessment down, now she only needed to convince the medic she was in fighting shape.

* * *

It wasn't long after her assessment with Ironhide that Nova left for a midday refuel. She had gained quiet the audience when she was fighting. After the fight, most of them had come to congratulate her. Even Prowl complimented her, and she got the sense he didn't do that much. It was strange. She had been working solo with Striker for so long, she wasn't used to all the attention now.

Yes, there were once a lot of neutrals who would come visit and thank her and Striker for their help. Others would admire them while they trained. She and Striker had even taken to helping some of the neutrals learn some of the more basic self defense skills, but it had been a long time since other warriors had taken such an interest in her fighting capabilities. At least, warriors of the Autobot variety.

She figured these bots were all still trying to assess her; determine if they were comfortable fighting next to her. That was why she wasn't surprised that the red 'terror' twin had come to witness it as well. She was disappointed in the golden brother who didn't seem to find her fighting capabilities worth exploring, but then maybe his red counterpart was streaming it over the bond to him anyways. She chucked weakly at the thought of the socially challenged twin not being able to escape her. Served him right. The aft.

As she walked to the Autobot refueling area, deemed the mess hall by the humans, she found she had quiet the group of followers behind her. It seemed as though most of the audience had filed out after her, and it wasn't lost on her that the medic seemed to be keeping a close optic on her as well. She did her best to ignore them, but most of the group seemed genuinely interested. It bothered her. She felt exposed in the light of so much attention, and in general she avoided social contact herself. She had Striker, and he was all she ever needed. He was a bit more outgoing than she was -okay, a lot more- and would occasionally invite friends to refuel with them, but she didn't really go out of her way to meet new bots. She didn't need them. Training neutrals was an exception. They needed a way to defend themselves. She felt sorry for them. She did not feel sorry for these other warriors. They were trained, and they weren't her responsibility. Only Striker.

When a duel colored black and yellow bot ran up to her she did her best to cover her flinch. A more observant bot would have noticed, but he didn't seem to care, let alone acknowledge it. "Hey!" It was accompanied by an energetic whirl. She couldn't stop the incredulous look, vaguely wondering who this bot was. He acted like a youngling, and he just kept going, practically bouncing with excitement. "My name is...Bumblebee!" Nova's brow ridges furrowed. It was certainly one of the oddest conversation she'd had in along time. Each pause led to a different voice speaking to her. She was mildly weirded out as he kept conversing while she processed the situation. His vocals must have been damaged.

As they strode into the mess hall she turned on her pedes to look down at the black and yellow bot, cutting him off. "You damaged your vocal processors." It was more of a statement than a question. Why else would a Cybertronian use human communication broadcasts? The young bot responded with a nod, a happy whirl and click of confirmation. "It's nice to meet you." She forced her best smile, but apparently it was the one thing she couldn't fake because he had responded with some concerned clicks before smiling brightly again.

His words then broke down to basic sparkling language. It had been so long since Nova had heard it, it took her a long moment to recall how to translate it. "I'm sure Sideswipe has already shown you around, but over here we have the energon distributors." He moved forward towards the large machines. "We have no problem synthesizing it so feel free to help yourself." That was good. She had been living off of stores for a while.

"It's been a long time since I've heard sparkling language." She mused with an upward twitch of her lips, while reaching out for a cube to fill.

"I can always go back to using the human radio." he clicked, laughing at her frowned response.

Any amusement she might have fostered died at the threat. "Oh, no. I think not." It was much quicker using their languages than having to form human words. It had actually been somewhat frustrating when she had spoken to Optimus. Honestly, she didn't really want to keep up a conversation with anyone right now. It was uncomfortable for her enough as it was, there was no need to make it worse with primitive communication methods. "Thanks for the help," she abruptly walked away, leaving a rather confused youngling in her wake.

It bothered her that they seemed to have a youngling on base. But then, there really were no safe places left for them anymore. The destruction of the colonies were proof enough of that. And after all, she and Striker were still technically younglings when they had joined in the beginning.

She moved to the farthest corner of the mess and sat at the table there silently observing the other bots trickling in. Even Ironhide had joined and she wondered if their session had ran past mid day fueling for the base. Maybe they weren't following her after all. It made her feel a little better, but also just a tad bit disappointed. It was better to be liked too much than not at all. Then again, she really didn't care if they liked her anyways. Her teammates would have been the only exceptions and she was sure at least one of them already had it out for her, probably both under the circumstances.

Nova slowly sipped from her cube as a small crowd gathered around the two toned youngling from before and she had no doubt they were grilling him for information from their previous interaction. It was amusing to her because they had only exchanged a handful of sentences. Hardly anything worth a second thought.

The group gathered their cubes and sat at a few tables as their loud conversations filled the room. Their camaraderie was almost endearing, like something somebot might have seen in an old vid file back when acting was still a thing on Cybertron.

The medic from before had taken a seat with the large weapons specialist, sending her occasional glances when he thought she wasn't looking. It was starting to get on her nerves. She knew he was concerned for whatever reason -probably the dream from before-, but it was clear he was making his assessment on second hand information. If he had a problem he should have just confronted her.

The anger fizzled out when she realized that she wouldn't have cooperated with the medic anyways. She just wanted out into the field and she would weave whatever tale she needed to in order for it to happen. So maybe it wasn't the dumbest thing he could do, assessing her though others' perceptions.

She relaxed when she recalled what an impression she seemed to have left of the large bot. Surely she had nothing to worry about there. As long as the medic didn't read into her lack of willingness to socialize, she would probably be fine. It was normal for her, but she didn't want to take any chances. She subtly stood up and did her best to leave the room when the onlookers weren't paying attention.

She still had half a cube of energon in her servo when she strolled over towards the rec room. With the number of bots in the mess, she hoped the popular congregation spot would be less occupied. And her wish was granted. There were the occasional humans passing through, but otherwise the rec room seemed to be abandoned. At least, for the moment.

She sat back on the large over-sized couch and curled up against one of the arms. She closed her optics and tried her best to imagine she was leaning against the firm chassis of her brother, sharing her victory with him as she told the story in detail. She vented deeply, trying to remember the smell of his polish. Her spark ached coldly, and she tried to keep the coolant from building behind her optics.

She was knocked out of her thoughts when she heard the large hanger door slide open. She sat up, quickly drained what was left of her cube and stood to leave. She hadn't been expecting the golden 'terror' twin, but once his optics caught her he immediately formed a scowl and turned away refusing to acknowledge her existence. That was fine for her. She wasn't above dishing out what she got.

She had deposited her cube on the table for someone else to clean up. She openly scowled back to make it known that she was not intimated by the insensitive bot, but left the room shortly after.

With her tanks satisfied and her mood officially ruined, she returned to the training hanger to beat the slag out of a defenseless decepti-bag.

* * *

**_A/N: This story broke 30,000 words! I think I'm keeping up rather well so far, disregarding the week I missed while on my trip. :)_**


	6. Breaking Point

_**A/N: This is probably my shortest chapter I've done so far, but honestly writing Nova's reactions were really difficult. I got stuck on one part for days even though the rest of the chapter was almost entirely complete.**_

_"_Ouch I have lost myself again._  
__Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,__  
Yeah I think that I might break.____  
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe.__"_

"_Be my friend,  
Hold me. Wrap me up,  
Unfold me. I am small,  
And needy. Warm me up, and breathe me."_

_**Breathe me – Sia**_

_'Thoughts'_

:Speaking through a Bond:

::Comm. Link::

_**Chapter 6: Everybot's got a Breaking Point**_

* * *

**[Day 9]**

"_Nova..."_

"Striker!" Nova jolted from her recharge with a strangled yelp for the second time that night cycle, the unbidden pain flaring to life once more. She vented deeply trying to calm her systems as a debilitating static rushed through them, threatening their integrity. She looked at her chronometer and sighed. She had only recharged for a two cycles this time, more than most. She was running on only a few human hours per night cycle these days, but it would just have to do.

The dreams hadn't slowed, not in the least. The first night cycle after the assessment she surprisingly didn't dream, but the next night she did, and ever night thereafter. She constantly felt low on energy and the need to recharge, but she just couldn't. She had almost reconsidered taking the sedative prescribed by the medic. But she wasn't that desperate yet.

Several days had passed after the assessment. She had gone to see Ratchet again, and requested additional sedatives for sake of appearances. However, upon scanning her and determining that the sedative was no longer in her system, Ratchet's temper had spiraled out of control. He refused to clear her, yelling at her as though she were his sparkling, and threatened to withhold her clearance. It was unquestionably ineffective in anything but aggravating her, as Nova began yelling back -insisting that the Medic didn't have the right to drug her without her permission, and that if they did not allow her to fight, they could not keep her prisoner- before she eventually stormed out.

She had avoided him entirely ever since, fixating him with a death glare anytime he had the audacity to enter the same room, a fiery tension all other bots had noticed immediately. The medic, by response, would growl irritably back at her before conceding to leave. Perhaps he knew better than to push her now. Or perhaps he didn't care anymore. It didn't matter. He had pushed the boundaries of acceptability. She was beyond caring for his assistance.

However, it had all still been so incredibly frustrating. She could feel the angry static building in her systems, restless and heated. So she took to taking that frustration out the only way she knew how, on her designated dicepti-bag in the training room. At this point, the humans had to reconstruct it at least several times over. Nova was sure they were starting to get frustrated with the pointless endeavor. _She_ -one the other servo- was this close to glitching out at the Prime for locking her down with the humans. She needed action. She needed a distraction. She needed off this pit forsaken base. Bots came and went, but she was a constant in the training hanger. She quiet literally had _nothing_ else to do.

At first, Mirage had come to visit her, a distraction she appreciated immensely. But the spy seemed acutely aware of her deteriorating mood. As time went on and nothing changed, his appearances in the hanger became fewer and shorter. She wondered if that meant they weren't friends anymore, or if they ever were in the first place. It didn't matter. It was just one more thing that frustrated her. Her social ineptitude only made things worse.

It was on the fifteenth day that Nova finally met a breaking point. Although, it wasn't with the medic, or the sedative.

* * *

**[15th Rotational Cycle on Diego Garcia.]**

It had been fifteen human days since she had arrived at the human base, and sixteen -in human terms- since she had landed on earth. Two and a half megacycles had passed since she last recharged a full sequence, and her systems were starting to glitch here and there. Most of her days had been spent in the training hanger, and as she became accustomed to the training hall, it wasn't so much Striker's death that haunted her, so much as his life.

It was well into the evening hours. Most of the bots and the humans on base were asleep or in recharge. Ever since her assessment with Ironhide and her fight with the CMO, Nova had continued to train excessively. She was obsessed by a need to be in fighting shape, to be ready. She was barely recharging and was only retrieving energon half as often as she should have been. Her circuits were fraying with the exhaustion, leaving her in a state of hyper-vigilance, every nerve circuit was constantly on edge.

She was safe now, here on the base. Logically she knew that. She didn't need to worry about being ambushed. The Decepticons posed no immediate threat. It had been relieving when she had first arrived. Unfortunately, the longer she was stuck on the base, the more she felt like an easy target.

The problem was she had time. Lots of it. Too much of it. She had time to herself. She had time to sit, to think, and to remember. Time to dream. Time to relive the nightmare. Time. So much time. Where she once had none, where Striker had fought so hard for just a scrap of a moment of it, now she was haunted by it. A cruel reality. It had become more dangerous now than ever before, because now she had no one to keep her helm on straight.

It was during the night cycles that she had really started cracking, when nobody or bot was around and she didn't feel so accountable for how they all might perceive her. As she stared into the training hanger her mind kept playing scenes from the Exodus. Her memory relays replayed an endless loop of her last training session with Groundstriker. Before long, she found herself acting out the movements, reliving them over and over again. She felt like such a glitch, as though she was on some mindless repeat, and -in this way- she was. She even found the words echoing in her processor. But at least it kept the more painful memories at bay.

Nod.

Dodge.

_This was the last good thing left._

Roll.

Stand.

_The only one that still felt recent enough to her to be real._

Parry right.

Left kick.

_The only one not yet overshadowed, ..._

Forward knee.

Servos slammed down.

Sword extended, placed where his cables should have been.

_...And she clung to it._

She would pause to relive the words in her helm, extend her servo... and then repeat.

It was really bad. She couldn't bring herself to stop. Every reenactment brought the coolant levels building behind her optics closer to spilling over. If anybot saw her they would think she was out of her processor, and to be honest, she really thought she was too.

She went on like this for what had to have been several cycles before she thought she heard someone approaching the hanger. She abruptly stopped mid kick, lowered her pede, and shifted smoothly to place her gaze on the intruder. She was uncomfortably surprised when she saw the front-liner, Sideswipe leaning against the door on the far side of the hanger. He watched her with a curious look. Dread set in and she unconsciously stiffened. It seemed he was there longer than she had realized.

"Hey..." She bristled underneath the awkwardness. She was bound to get caught eventually, but the disappointment brewing withing her was unyielding.

"Hey," he responded with a sympathetic gaze and sheepish smile. Analyzing her form, his optics shifted as concern replaced his previous features. "You look exhausted."

She couldn't lie, she didn't have the energy to. With a sigh her gaze fell, ashamed for having been caught, ashamed of acting in such a way in the first place. If she wasn't declared fit to leave the base before, she sure as pit wouldn't be now. "Yeah." Her vocals held in them a heavy, tired tone.

Sideswipe slowly pushed off of his place against the door and made his way to her. He knew she was hurting, and he couldn't blame her for trying to find someway back to her other half, even if it was trying to live in the past. His sheepish smile returned as he wound around her, placing an arm around her shoulders. "Let's go get you some energon, yeah?"

Nova's plating jolted, alerted by the action but she didn't resist the movement. Relaxing, she solemnly nodded, but not once did her optic meet his as he guided her out of the hanger and into the courtyard towards the Autobot mess hall.

"There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about." His voice was soft and curious. Her interest must have been peaked because her helm raised a few inches with a hum as she gave a sidelong glance to her left where he walked beside her; her semi-silent way of asking him to continue no doubt. "Well, I know what you said to Prime, and it seems to me that you're an amazing fighter and well... Me and Sunny, we were just wondering... How could you leave him there? Why didn't you go back?"

Nova froze, her plating tightening down in some sort of pre-programmed defensive response. Optics widened as the question set in. 'Why didn't she go back?' Like it was so simple.

Sideswipe stiffened as the words fell from his lip plates, but continued walking enough to let his arm fall from her shoulders before turning around to face her. He didn't mean it to come out so… accusatory.

Her optics darkened and lowered as she found herself once again rooted in the all too vivid memories replaying mercilessly in her processor, some that weren't even hers. That was what they thought she did, wasn't it? Did she really leave him there? Could she have done more? Should she have seen it coming, her brother's actions? He was acting strangely for some time. He was her twin, her other half, and yet they seemed separated by his secrecy for so long.

She could have shoved him into a pod, had she been thinking like him. But she wasn't, and that was the point. She didn't think like him. They were two halves of a whole, and by nature usually opposite. She was a different entity of a single being, a different processor with the same spark. She couldn't have -and yet, she should have- known.

It was all so paradoxical. Some days she believed that it was entirely her fault, and on others she had to bite down the bitterness and anger she held towards her twin for what he had done, the choices he had made. In the end she had decided that they were both of the same spark, and must both be equally responsible. It did nothing to cheer her up, because she should have done better. He needed her to do better. She failed him and now she was living with the consequences. Their being sacrificed a part of itself to save her part, and she couldn't bring herself to stop thinking that it was the wrong part, or that what was left just wasn't enough anymore.

Sideswipe shifted awkwardly and considered apologizing but his curiosity got the better of him. Even if he had, he wasn't even sure she would have heard him. She seemed so lost in thought as a flurry of emotions flashed over her features. Anger and sadness, bitterness and regret, finally settling on despair. It was a long and tense moment before she finally responded.

"He, didn't give me a choice." She started cautiously, making sure her vocalizer would actually allow her to form the words. Her optics locked on the tarmac. "I made sure we could get away. But he didn't even try." She whimpered, not once lifting her optics. She was sure he would be able to see the memory reel that played behind them. "When we made it into the contingency shuttle bay, Striker grabbed me. He sent the largest push of relief though our bond, than I had ever felt. I thought he was relieved we were going to make it. He tricked me." The whirl of cooling fans picked up, gently at first but incrementally speeding as she spoke.

"I cloaked the shuttle signatures. We could have launched another one without the cloak as a decoy. Or all of them. But he threw me into one of them before I knew what he was doing. He launched it, and I couldn't end the launch sequence or change the course. He disabled the controls from the main console. He did this." Her voice broke. "He did this to us on purpose." The anger seeped into her once again, but faded just as quickly. "I didn't know how to stop him," she whimpered weakly. The failure was immeasurable.

Sideswipe made to move towards her but she stepped back, stopping him with a servo.

She pulled her arms around her center in a futile attempt to keep herself together. She knew she shouldn't cry. She knew she shouldn't let herself break. She needed to be strong. She needed to pretend...to keep up the facade. She kept telling herself this...but she needed to. She needed to let it all down. Just this once. Just one more time. It was safe here. He asked. He was here. If anybot could understand, it was him. Without a beat she continued, assuring herself that it would just be this once. This one time. Then she could go back to pretending.

"I told him it would work, but he didn't believe me." As the emotions became more overwhelming, she could feel her plating begin to shake from her distress. "He sacrificed himself for a guarantee that I would live. He did it because the Cons only registered one spark beat. They thought we were one bot. And we were, but now I only feel like a broken piece of whatever we were." She was rambling desperately, trying to make her thoughts coherent when they felt anything but. She had to believe that '_this bot might understand.'_ "He did it to protect me, but now I can't help but hate him for it. I can't help but hate me for it. We were one. We were both responsible. I should have stopped him, seen it coming, predicted his actions. Found a way back." The pain she felt was audible. "Now my spark feels quiet. I feel empty and alone." She clutched painfully at the plating above her spark chamber. "I feel like I'm not even here anymore." She could hardly bring herself to keep standing anymore. The coolant tears had long since started to fall.

Sideswipe baulked at the sight but moved forward to wrap his arms around and steady her now violently shaking form. Her words reverberated within him, the implications shaking him to his very spark as she cried openly in his servos.

He was shocked. He hadn't meant for his questions to come out so harshly, and had flinched when he realized what he had said and what it implied. He just wanted to make sure what Sunny thought wasn't true. "I can't know how you feel because I still have Sunstreaker, but believe me when I say I understand the bond and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." It was all he could say, but it seemed to work some.

Nova lurched forward in his arms. Desperate for the comfort that would have once been given freely from her other half. She couldn't remember ever hurting for so long or so much. She couldn't remember ever feeling so alone, so empty, so lost.

Her voice trembled, muffled by his chassis as she continued. "Every cycle, every klik... it-it just gets worse," she sobbed loudly. Her cooling fans ran noisily as her erratic vents caused her vocalizer to hitch on her words. "The lo-onger I go without fe-feeling him, the less I feel li-like I can survi-ive this."

The arms around her held her tighter as the mech tried to provide her the strength and support she needed. Sideswipe had known this would be a delicate subject, but talking to the prime she merely teared up and Sunstreaker's words only elicited anger. He never imagined the femme would become so unwound. Then again, when he thought about Sunstreaker and if it had been them he had to silently admire the femme for lasting as long as she did with her strong front, because that's all that it was. Hearing her description, that's all it could possibly be. That was what Sunstreaker and he didn't understand. How could she still be so put together after loosing a bond so much like their own? This, _this_ was the truth, here in his arms. Sunny was wrong. She wasn't fine. She wasn't put together. She wasn't even okay. She was slowly dying inside, all alone without the other half of her spark.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again as soothingly and comfortingly as he could manage. "I'm so so sorry." They stood there for some time as he gently ran his servos across the back of her chassis, trying to provide what he knew she didn't have anymore. He knew it would never be enough, but he still had to try. He caused this. Not the spark-break, but this. He made her break. She was trying so hard to keep it all together -barely keeping herself on her pedes- and he threw the last stone to knock her down.

He could feel Sunny on the other side of his bond, pushing to know where he had went, but Sideswipe found himself unable to do anything other than push back the feelings of compassion and sympathy he felt for the small femme shaking in his arms. Sunstreaker's irritation came as a response but he couldn't bring himself to fight, not like this.

They stood there for what felt like cycles. As Nova's steady sobs began to die down Sideswipe could feel her lean more of her weight against him. Her right audio pressed firmly against where his spark beat as he droned soothing hushes and soft coos to calm her. He held her up with his arms as he delicately pulled back to gaze at her face. Her optics were barely online but still not meeting his own. She looked like she was quickly falling into a much needed recharge, so he carefully leaned down to pull her legs up into his arms, picking her up and holding her firmly against his chassis. She curled into him with a whimper as the dim light of her optics finally faded completely. As she relaxed there, the mech couldn't stop from noticing how peaceful she looked, like a weight had been lifted. One he had no doubt would return as soon as she woke, maybe even before.

It was in the early hours now and Sideswipe just couldn't bring himself to leave the broken little femme in his arms all alone again. He could feel his protective programing kicking in, demanding that he make sure she was alright. He vented a large breath, preparing himself. He knew it was probably a bad idea. He knew he would probably regret it, but he slowly made his way towards his shared quarters with his brother, careful not to jostle the femme too much as he went. Sunny certainly wouldn't like it but he would just have to suck it up. Eventually, -like it or not- he would need to start to get along with their new teammate.

The welcome he received went exactly as he expected.

:What the slag is _she_ doing here and why in all the pits of Kaon are you fragging _carrying_ her?: Sunstreaker roared angrily through the bond, glaring daggers at his red twin. '_What was he thinking?'_

Sideswipe ignored him completely, to preoccupied with caring for the femme. He gently placed Nova on his berth before he even considered responding to the fallout. Almost immediately after setting her down she started to shift in her sleep. Feint whimpers escaped her vocalizer and her brow ridges contorted from some unknown pain._ 'Her dreams must have shifted to something unpleasant.'_ His spark ached for her.

:Look, Sunny... we can fight about it later. Just, let her rest.: Sides begged weakly, watching Nova sadly. His previous interactions were already a drain on his strained emotions. :She cried herself into recharge. I don't want to leave her alone.: He paused, trying to carefully word his sentences to pacify his easily agitated twin but decided instead to replay his interactions with the femme over their bond.

Sideswipe could feel his yellow counterpart soften only slightly, -most likely a reaction to Sideswipe's own overwhelming concern- before hardening once again with strained indignation. Somewhere deep down Sunny felt sorry for her, -Sides knew that- but Sunstreaker would never admit to it. It would take his emotionally stunted twin time to deal with it all.

:She's suffering from spark break. I'm half tempted to recharge next to her so she can hear a spark beat. I'm worried she might not wake up otherwise.: His concern was flooding their bond and it was starting to effect his brother who growled with frustration but had remained silent to let his twin explain himself.

:You're being over dramatic! If your so worried, then take her to the med bay.: His golden brother resentfully argued half-sparked. :Let the Hatchet sparkling-sit her.:

The comment had elicited an angry emotion in the bond from the red twin. Sideswipe glared at his brother. :If it were you, would you want to wake up in a med bay?: Images of Sideswipe no where to be found, blinding medical lights and sterile white walls crossed between the two. Sunstreaker remained silent. :She stays.: The statement was final.

Sunstreaker growled again in annoyance, glaring before he finally laid down, turning away from the two of them.

Sideswipe sighed in relief. He had won. :Plus, would you want to wake up to the hatchet?: An overwhelming sensation of dread flew between them, and Sides smirked. :Didn't think so.:

The room was quiet, aside from Nova's occasional whimpers and Sunstreaker's occasional frustrated growls. Sideswipe was still standing above the femme, deciding on what he should do. Did he risk recharging next to her? If she woke up, she could take it all in entirely the wrong way. But he had heard of spark-break. He had heard once that listening to the spark of another was helpful for sparklings when they lost their creators, and after all, it seemed to work for her in the courtyard…

So did he risk it? He supposed he was the better candidate than Sunstreaker. That was a given. And if it helped her recharge, then it was the right thing to do. Right? Surely this would blow up in his face, but '_what the pit. Why not?'_

He carefully crawled his way onto the berth, as silently and as gently as he could so as not to stir her from her recharge. He turned on his side to accommodate them both and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her form towards his spark, all the while hoping beyond hope that he made the right call and that this would actually help her.

A snort sounded in the room. One that no doubt originated from the turned away golden mech if the continued irritation over the bond was anything to go by, but neither of them said anything. Uncertainty and mistrust were in the bond. It was likely Sunstreaker would not recharge this night cycle for fear of all that could go wrong, but Sideswipe was optimistic. He had to believe that this would help her.

* * *

As systems slowly rebooted, Nova felt still and lazy. Her processor was hazy and slow to reboot, nothing jolted her or demanded her attention as it normally did with the nightmares. She could hear the steady beating buzz of energy, a spark if she ever heard one. The sound brought a small innate joy with it. She instinctively moved closer, snuggling up to the comforting noise, only vaguely realizing as she did so that there seemed to be a large frame attached to it.

_Wait… What?_

Her servo experimentally reached out, confirming her conclusion as it ran across warm metal plating. The frame shifted, grabbed her servo and pulled her closer. Her optics popped online and she froze. Her spark hammered in her chassis as her processor set ablaze try to absorbing the optical sensory data. Everything came crashing back to reality, ever nerve circuit on edge once more. It was the red twin. The one she thought didn't like her. The one that held her in the courtyard when she cried. The one that took her back to his…. _Berthroom?_

_What..._

_The..._

_Frag?!_

She instantly launched herself up from the berth, pulling herself out from the mech's grasp. The force of her jolted movements sent her reeling as she not only knock him from the berth but herself as well. The loud crash sounded, echoing in the room as metal met metal causing a yelp from in front of her and an ominous growl from behind.

She quickly climbed to her pedes, spinning around so fast her helm her hurt. She froze as her panicked optics were met with the golden twin's glower. Her spark was erratic. Her optics narrowed. "What the pit is going on!" She angrily vented, falling into a defensive mental state. Anger was easier to deal with than embarrassment.

"Calm down femme," the golden twin growled warningly, but it sounded more like a threat to her; one she immediately tensed in response to.

Sideswipe cringed, just knowing this was going to go from bad to worse.

"Calm down?!" She snarled, _'Of all the bots…!' _"Don't you tell me to calm down!" She hissed, turning to find the red twin dragging himself over the berth to see what was happening. She immediately pointed a digit at him. "What did you do?" She questioned pointedly.

"Nothing! Nothing, I swear! Don't you remember? You fell into recharge. You were leaking!" His servos were in the air, trying to look as non-threatening as possible. "I just, I didn't want to leave you all alone!" His optics radiated sympathy, truth, honesty. She couldn't not believe him; not with that face, or those optics.

She vented heavily as her glare pierced him, unsure of what to do. She remembered. She had made a mistake. She caused this. She knew somewhere that she was just as responsible for being here as he was, if not more. She let her guard down. She was weak. This was her fault. And it wasn't something she could fix or undo.

"Why?" The word escaped her before she realized they had left her lip plates, optics minutely widened upon the realization.

"Why what?" He responded, honestly confused. His servos slowly lowered.

"Why!" She insisted again, not even sure herself what she was asking. The gold mech hated her, she was sure of that. So, why would the red one bother with her. "Why help me?" She didn't trust him. She didn't know him! Her guard was raised so high, she couldn't even fathom the answer. This had to be a trick, but she didn't want to believe that. He didn't seem that cruel. So why?

The red mech's optics softened as he raised to his pedes with a sad frown. "You needed somebot. I wanted to help."

The pure sincerity of his answer almost dissolved her anger right there. Her optics widened before hardening again. She didn't believe it. She couldn't. "Why?" She insisted again, it sounded angry and desperate, and she hated herself for it. The pressure was building behind her optics again. She needed to get a grip on her emotions.

The red bot looked passed her, optics glazing over for a moment before meeting her gaze again. "Because if it were me, I couldn't do it alone."

Nova's vents hitched, not expecting such an honest answer from a bot she didn't even know. It made sense, even if she didn't want it to. "You don't know me! I don't need your help!" Pain laced the crimson mech's features, stung by her words. She felt like scrap for saying them. He had made himself vulnerable with such a simple confession. She knew he meant well. She knew he tried to help her, and logically, she knew she shouldn't have been lashing out at him. But she wasn't acting on logic. Her emotions were overruling her. She needed her pride back. She would survive this. None of this mattered. She didn't matter. Revenge. Fighting. War. That was all that was left for her now. She didn't matter. She didn't do social. She didn't do help. She didn't need him, or anyone!

A loud scoff sounded behind her. She quickly spun around, leveling her glare on the golden mech, visually daring him to make a comment.

He wasn't deterred. "Like slag you didn't. When was the last time you recharged, or refueled?" The femme scowled, embarrassed. His tone quickly built into an heated yell, "The whole base has noticed!"

She growled weakly but didn't respond, she couldn't. The words had her physically stumbling back towards the door so she could see both bots at once. Anger simmered, replaced by general discomfort. What he said was true after all. How could she argue with the truth.

"Have you gone to see Ratchet yet? There has to be something he can do to help." Sides questioned her, the concern never leaving his face.

"Yeah," She scoffed bitterly. "I've seen that tyrant." The words were perhaps harsher than they should have been, but just the thought of the medic was enough to get her energon boiling. She was still mad at him for trying to force that drug on her, automatically assuming his opinion was infallible. The thought of him having an answer to any of her problems seemed like a ridiculous notion.

"And?" Nova was surprised out of her strewing anger by the golden bot who had grumbled for her to explain. It was such a strange thing. This golden bot -Sunstreaker- was so offended by her before, and now he seemed to be... _tolerating _her. She had to wonder if his hate before was exaggerated as Sideswipe tried to claim, or if his tolerance was all for the benefit of his brother, something she could entirely relate to on a few occasions. It was comforting -seeing their bond before her now- but also disconcerting.

Bitterness laced her words. Perhaps it _was_ just a self defense mechanism, but gone was the sad, vulnerable femme from the night before. "He only made things worse."

"What happened?" Sideswipe prodded softly.

"He prescribed a sedative." They met her with questioning optics, waiting for her to continue. It grated on her having to explain it, "Imagine, waking up and your spark doesn't even remember him." She glanced between the two bots. She didn't need to specify which she was speaking of, they both understood the implication. "Maybe that works for bots who knew what it was to be unbonded. For me it was like forgetting _we_ ever existed." Disgust and several other emotions registered over her plating. The thought of that feeling was appalling to her. "Could _you_ ever accept such a 'cure'?"

The brothers went rigid. Sunstreaker had growled lowly, angered that the medic had done such a thing, yet entirely unsurprised. It was Sideswipe who spoke in a disturbed tone resembling a troubled whisper, "No."

"I'm not going back to him." Her anger had -for the most part- fizzled out. Her logic processors were taking root again as the intensity of her confusion and anger faded, since replaced by a hollow emptiness, apathy and bitter acceptance. What happened happened. There was no changing it now. None of this mattered anyways. Not in the end.

"And we wouldn't make you," Sideswipe added worriedly. He would never dream of forcing that feeling on anybot and despite his lack of answer, Sides knew Sunny wouldn't either.

She stepped back towards the door. "Yeah. Well... Good…." It was an awkward goodbye, but Nova couldn't find a way to deal with the tension in that room any longer. She didn't want to wait until it all came down to pity. She didn't want them to see her as some weak femme who needed coddling. And so far, she was pretty sure she had made a mess of that.

* * *

As the femme bolted the rest of the way to the door Sideswipe instinctively reached out, stepping forward to go after her but froze when he could find no words to stop her with. What else could he say to her? He wanted to help. Even after everything that had happened this morning, he still wanted to help.

Pride would never allow either brother to admit it, but seeing her -a fellow twin- in such agony was frightening and upsetting. While Sunstreaker avoided her and pushed her away for the way it made him feel, Sideswipe couldn't help but want to stop her pain, anyways he could. Both of their responses were illogical. Sunstreaker couldn't make reality go away with cruel words, and Sideswipe could never repair the damage done; but their responses were just as innate as Nova's use of anger as a defense mechanism.

Sideswipe looked to his twin, hoping beyond reason for the answer.

Feeling his brother's optics on him, her leveled Sideswipe with a scowl. :What did you expect. I fragging told you so, dumbaft.:

The crimson twin deflated, sulking and accepting defeat for the time being. It didn't last long though as a thought surfaced. Perhaps he went about helping her in the wrong way. He had attempted to help her cope in the way typical bots reached out to one another, but perhaps that wasn't what she needed. He thought about what it was like to have his brother with him when he was troubled. Maybe she didn't need to talk about it or somebot to coddle her, but a bot to stand beside her. Just, keeping her company. Not acting on anything, not saying anything, just… there. He could try… _'What could possibly go wrong?'_

* * *

One thought was on Nova's processor as she left the Autobot's 'barracks;' to get as far away from the twin's berthroom as possible. Oddly enough this led her to wandering absentmindedly into one of the buildings she did not frequent nearly enough, the mess hall. She was surprisingly unaware of the strange looks her presence elicited, it even including some murmurs of approval.

It took a long while for her to become fully conscious of her lowered state of awareness, and only after did she realize that despite the awful discomfort of waking up in an unknown environment, she was… rested. Even more uncomfortable was the realization that the dominant factor that must have been responsible for her undisturbed recharge had to have been the red bot recharging beside her. She hadn't even been drugged.

It was perplexing. She was relieved that there was a solution to her inability to recharge that did not involve drugs, that didn't seek to destroy a part of her, an important part of her, debatably the most important part of her. At the same time, she knew she would never take another bot up on it willingly. Her pride would forbid it. But the thought... the thought was comforting.

The rest of her day had been fairly relaxed. However, she spent it staying as far from the 'terror' twins -as Mirage had so kindly referred to them- as possible. Her morning had all but redefined the 'terror' portion of their name in her optics.

However, the most prominent thing that came as a surprise and that had most of the bots on the base -and even the humans- wondering what happened was when Nova didn't turn up at the training hanger that day.

* * *

_**A/N: *Sigh* The more I write this story, the more I kind of wish it was a sides x OC x Sunny fic. Because Sideswipe just makes my spark melt sometimes. But, that wasn't the purpose of this fic, so I will resist the notion. Nova's even more prideful than I initially realized. I'm learning more about the characters as I write. :) Ever the fun experience.**_

_**Also, I'm think about including a time-line in the chapters to help clarify how much time has passed between and during the chapters. This I my first fic, but I think I've seen other writers use some kind of time line. What do you guys think? Would it help?**_

_**Also guy, feel free to point out any grammatical errors. I'll do my best to correct them as I have time, but I admit, I don't have much between writing each chapter. Any help you all provide is appreciated.**_

_**Hehehe, Sideswipe is a cuddler! :)**_


	7. First Steps

**A/N: To my wonderful reviewers, favs and followers, thank you all so much for your continued support! It means a lot to me, and helps keep me motivated to work through the harder portions of this story.**

**AshleyofChaos: Thanks so much for your super flattering review. It had me giddy that you enjoy more story so much. I will do my best to update a soon as possible to make up for this last chapter. **

**xVentressx: Thanks for your advice on the time-line idea. Your input motivated me to go ahead with it and I'm really happy with the results. I feel a lot more confident with the story progression now. I'll keep the Sunny x OC x Sides possibility in mind, but for the moment I'm still predicting it to be Sunny x Nova. We'll see though. This story has already evolved in ways I never imagined it would before. **

**6/17: A/N: I fell behind on writing this chapter because as I was writing I realized I lost sight of Nova's original characterization. This is another chapter I initially wrote, didn't feel right about, and deleted completely to rewrite. I went back and reread my previous chapters, editing spelling and grammatical mistakes as I went. I feel a lot more comfortable now. There were****_ very _****minor changes here or there, usually just to sentence wording, or adding a small thought. Other than that, nothing's really changed.**

**6/19: A/N: I did go back and make a time line. I tried to make it as accurate as possible, and adjusted bits of story to fit and make everything more realistic and cohesive. There was lots of math to get all the time zones right! . So that took a long time to do, and is another reason this chapter was later than expected. I'm also guilty of working ahead. I've written a lot for future chapters over the last two weeks because I didn't want to lose the ideas and motivations I had for them.**

**So again, sorry for the late update, but here we go:**

* * *

"_I haven't been all that you could've hoped for,  
But if you'd held on a little longer,  
You'd have had more reasons to be proud._

_So many questions, But I'm talking to myself.  
I know that you can't hear me any more, Not anymore.  
So much to tell you, And most of all goodbye,  
But I know that you can't hear me any more."_

_Words – Skylar Grey_

_'Thoughts'_

::Comm.::

:Bond:

Time increments: Refer to chapter 1.

Warning: Feels.

_**Chapter 7: First Steps  
**_

* * *

**[16****th**** Rotational Cycle on Diego Garcia]**

Nova spent much of the rest of the day on the other side of the island. She needed some space from all the other bots. It was all too much for her. The longer she stayed on this base, the more she came to realize it was more dangerous to her than the Decepticons. She had no focus here. The war was too slow here. It didn't feel real. This planet made everything not feel real. The only real thing she _was_ sure of, without a shadow of a doubt, was the empty pit left in her spark.

The bots here… they didn't _know him_. No one here knew him -not like her-, and that ate her up inside. She was mourning all alone and here she was standing on an empty beach, in the middle of an ocean, on an organic planet she and Striker had spoken so often of. The Prime her brother idolized, -far before the war ever started, before it corrupted him- her current commander. It felt like a dream, some strange sick twisted fantasy, everything _her brother_ ever wanted. He wanted to serve the Autobots. He wanted to be a hero for their race, work for the elite guard, the Prime. He wanted to live the dream that propaganda sold, be everything a 'true Autobot' was.

She didn't.

She wanted her brother back.

She felt tricked, like the universe had played some massive, depraved prank on her. Here she was, with everything Striker ever said he wanted -back when he still wanted things, before he became disillusioned after leaving her-. Here she was, living the life that _should have_ been his.

It all felt so empty.

So shallow.

So cruel.

She stayed on the beach for her privacy. Here she wasn't a solider. Here she was invisible, forgotten, if only for the moment. Here she could pretend it didn't exist, that none of it was real. Here she didn't have to say goodbye yet. So she stood there, imagining him standing next to her, picking the sand out from his pedes as he commented on how strange and interesting this planet was in all its organic glory, like he would have before everything went to the pit, before the Autobot's 'wreckers' ruined him, before the war tore them apart.

She didn't blame the wreckers, not really. She couldn't because she didn't know what happened. All she knew was that he left, and came back broken. He never told her what happened. At one time, that would have burned her up, but now, here, she felt too empty, and empty didn't feel angry. Empty just felt empty. She couldn't bring herself to be mad. He was gone, really gone. He wasn't coming back. He wasn't coming back _for her_ this time. The overwhelming realization brought tears to her optics, falling unimpeded. She had no need to pretend here. Here, she was invisible. For now.

_He's really gone. _Her spark shuttered in pain before hollowing itself again, hiding in the retreat that emptiness brought.

It hadn't really hit her before. The nightmares, the shock, none of it had really settled in. Maybe, somewhere, she thought none of it was really real. Maybe, she had thought she could still wake up from this excruciating ordeal. But he was gone, and she was alone; alone for the first time since she was sparked, since _they_ were sparked. He was gone. He was all she had left, everything she had, the last thing she fought for, lived for. He was her everything.

_He's really gone. _Her expression remained pained as she stared out into the sea, an expression she guardedly hid from all those who knew her. Even as her mind raged, trapped within herself, within her frame, her spark was assaulted by the pain, retreating back and forth between accepting the cataclysmic devastation that was the truth and escaping into the ignorance of the hollow feeling brought on with refusing reality.

She tried so hard to keep it together before, but in only a few mega-cycles she had come completely undone. A simple question. That was all it had taken. One, well meant, poorly-worded question.

If the other night had taught her anything, it was that she couldn't bottle it up. It was all too much. When reality collided with her illusion of being alright, she would fail. She would just come undone again, it was a matter of time. The sedative was not an option. Asking for help from the other bots was not an option. She was her. She was still her, even if part of her was missing. She had never accepted help from other bots. It had always been her and Striker against it all, and she refused to change that now, even without him, she was still her. He was the only one she ever had, and ever would completely rely on.

This base was dangerous, because here she had time to vent. She had time to grieve, and she didn't know if she could survive that process. The war wasn't raging here, there was nothing to fight save for the memories that assailed her every moment, memories she no longer wished to fight.

So she stood there, staring out into the Earth's bountiful ocean, on the furthest point on the north eastern end of the island, imagining her dead brother standing next to her, telling her how excited he was to be there, serving under _the Prime himself_, his dream come true. She imagined him trying to rile her up, telling her it would all be okay now, the war would end, peace would come, equality would come, everything they fought for, Cybertron would be saved. And she cried.

Because in the end, none of it mattered. None of it had ever mattered without him. She fought for it all, but ended up with nothing. Even as she tried -tried at his imagined beckons-, to envision it, all she saw was everything she ever care about, burning. Their planet, their peace, her dream of equality… her brother. There was nothing left. He was wrong. Everything was gone. _He_ was gone.

And so she cried.

It did not amaze her that it was the Prime who came to find her. She had heard enough, seen enough on this base to believe the rumors, despite how much time he spent holed up in his office. She might have expected the medic, but still, she wasn't surprised. Honestly, what could the medic really do but make her angry. Like this, she didn't even know if she _could_ be angry. It was all too empty. _She_ was too empty.

She didn't acknowledge him when the Prime walked up beside her, remaining silent as he watched the waves crashing against the shores with her. She didn't look at him, didn't say anything, didn't stop pretending that the presence next to her was shorter, redder, younger. The sun had long since fallen. He had to have been concerned to come all this way. No one had seen her since she left the mess hall in a trance-like state earlier that day. She had wandered aimlessly, -or so she had thought- until eventually she had found herself staring out into the ocean with nowhere else left to go.

He never broke the silence either as he stood beside her for cycles while the moon slowly rose. She sobbed quietly, but still she never faltered. She stood tall, stiff, strong in physicality, but empty underneath; a shell. The Prime remained silent, waiting for her to make the first move should there be one, and for that she was grateful. Because at that moment, she didn't feel like she had the strength to pretend anymore. She had broken, and she wasn't ready to pick the pieces back up yet. Not again. Not yet. It was too much. Too much to ask and too much to hope for.

Optimus stood there quietly staring out into the ocean with her, trying not to make her feel imposed upon, because really, what words of comfort could he offer her that he hadn't already said when she arrived. Groundstriker was undoubtedly brave. She was undoubtedly strong, but she was in shock, and he was afraid of upsetting her any further.

He hoped his presence was enough to show her she wasn't alone, that he stood by her, and that he wouldn't try to diminish the anguish she was suffering. So he stood there, guarding her, supporting her as she mourned her fallen brother, a soldier for his cause, his war.

Every casualty weighed upon him.

It was only in the early hours of the morning, when the sun began to rise that Nova's helm fell. A rotation had past. She had to pick herself up now. Put on the front. March to the drums, play the cards, and keep moving forward, even if it was just a crippled crawl. A human day. It wasn't enough. But she wasn't allowed anymore right now. She had to show them all she was strong. She had to _be_ strong, for Striker.

She didn't say anything, never once breaking their silence. The Prime had remained by her side through the night, ever attentive should she have need of him. He watched her with sorrowful optics now, and she found herself returning them with her own before letting them fall to the sand once more. She vented heavily, frame racked with emotion before shuffling slowly toward the road, walking back to the base, alt mode forgotten. _A little more time. _She just needed a little more time. What a cruel thing it had been to her.

He walked beside her, steadying her when she stumbled here or there. As they approached the base, she distanced herself from him, picked up her helm and replaced the sorrow in her optics with cold indifference, transforming herself from the spark-broken twin to the hardened and calculated warrior. She didn't need the bots on this base thinking she was going to fall down, or that she was some charity case. She didn't want their condolences. _They didn't know him,_ a mantra that both angered and saddened her.

With hardened optics, she met the gaze of the Prime with a nod of acknowledgment that said, 'she was okay now,' 'she would be okay now,' and perhaps even the barest form of a 'thanks' that would never be spoken aloud or acknowledged otherwise. To speak it aloud would make it real. Whether or not she would be okay would remain to be seen/. However, Optimus returned her acknowledgment with a small nod of his own and a smile of encouragement that did not reach his optics. An empty feeling of his own hollowed his spark, accompanied by a mutual feeling of understanding.

Eyes and optics watched them from afar, -matched with tiny whispers floating around- as they made their way towards the hangers, finally splitting up as she headed for her too-small-of-a-berth-room and he headed towards his office once more.

* * *

**[25****th**** Rotational Cycle]**

Over the next week and a half Nova wandered the base with little thought, occasionally ending up in the training room, but nowhere near to the extent of before. It was tempered, measured, calculated. She trained to keep herself in a combat effective state, but no more. She did nothing extreme. She refueled when her internal timers reminded her, always on time, the same time each day. She moved through her days with an optimally efficient routine, rarely deviating. That was her default, her function without thought, without motive or reason. It was her default to keep herself moving, keep herself online, and out of the med bay. The medic could do nothing to her without her permission, as long as she took proper care of herself.

She still didn't recharge much but the dreams weren't as bad. She could distance herself from them in her mind when they happened, an acquired skill she wish she never had the chance to acquire. She didn't dare to hope that it was indeed her brother she connected with in the dreams now. She didn't dare hope they would go away either. In fact, she just simply didn't dare to hope. There was nothing to hope for. Now she saw it all as just some cruel, perverse joke: the universe's attempt to continue to torment her more that she should've let it. So she distanced her mind from the events as they unfolded in her recharge to preserve what remained of her sanity.

Occasionally, during her routine, a few of the bots would try to strike up conversations with her over energon, trying to befriend her. She usually entertained them with idol, but empty conversation. However, anytime one of them made the mistake of mentioning her brother, she would immediately end the conversation. They quickly learned not to talk about him. She did her best to be polite, even friendly, but gone was the fire she had when she had arrived, smothered by lack of direction.

Few things elicited apparent emotions from her. The processes and subroutines were all activated but useless. She was too empty to use them. Her spark itself was quiet, depressed. It spark felt dark, cold, numb. The only things that did seem to elicited the tiniest fragment of emotion was when she saw the tell-tale flash of red or gold, -indicating the two bots she wished to avoid- moving about the base. It was uncomfortable.

They made her feel uncomfortable. Maybe because they could relate. Maybe because they were twins or because of what they had done for her that night. She didn't know. She didn't particularly care. They simply made her feel uncomfortable. But that was the problem for her. They made her feel, and feeling came with a price. Feeling came with pain.

_Numb?_ Numb was numb, but numb wasn't _gone. Gone_ was the sedative. Gone was when she felt more lost than broken. Gone was forgetting. The sedative was forgetting. She would never forget. She _could_ never forget. Numb was just numb. Numb still remembered. So numb is what she what was. Numb didn't have her ending up in the med bay. Numb was functioning. Numb could keep her promise. Numb could get her vengeance.

_One day._

Nova tried to pay no mind to it, but overtime the routine was steadily becoming a bore. She tried to relax, tried to cope, or whatever bots did when… things happened. But over time she found herself, once again, becoming restless. There was little to do on the base, and even less for a bot on inactivity.

Of course, even in war there were lulls. She'd spent several meta-cycles on the colonies, hoping the temporary peace would keep, but she was no longer on the colony and she was no longer responsible for protecting neutrals. Here there were tasks to be done, and at the Prime's request, human's to be protected. But an inactive bot was not allowed to act, even as she watched the humans coordinating missions, something new each day. Often a group of Autobots would accompany them, and Nova found herself wishing for the distraction brought by action.

* * *

Every so often, Sideswipe would occasionally make an appearance, and over time they slowly became more frequent. Nova had balked from his presence at first, but soon calmed towards it. He didn't press. Kind of like the Prime. It had surprised her, even had her on edge for a while. She had been sure he was trying to pull something. But, he didn't.

He never brought up that night or the following morning. He never tried to force a conversation, never tried to make her talk about it. He just kind of hung out around her. Every once in a while, when she was in the rec room he would watch television with her. Sometimes when she trained, he would train too. Here and there, when she got energon, he would sit on the far side of her table. He'd occasionally send her a companionable smile, like they were friends, but he never _said_ anything.

It was bizarre, because Nova found herself waiting for him to inevitably break the silence. He wasn't a silent bot. If she had learned anything about him since arriving at this base, it was that the red one liked to talk: about himself, about his twin, his Prime, the SIC and the other bots, anything. She met him with several odd looks on multiple occasions, even going so far as to ask what he thought he was doing.

He had answered with a shrug and a muttered, "Nothin," but other than that he never _said_ anything, and eventually, Nova found herself relaxing. The discomfort faded. '_He didn't say anything…' _and it was nice. He was just kind of there, and it was nice. No empty conversations. No prying stares. No pretending like anything was okay, or that there was a solution. No questions… Not even an excuse for his twin's behavior.

He was just there. And it was nice. Strange. Very strange. But kind of nice. Soon, -surprising even herself- she found herself rather welcoming to his presence.

_He_ was just happy she didn't yell at him to leave. She seemed to accept his presence with forced indifference, and that was all the encouragement he needed.

* * *

It was when Optimus had Prowl call her to his office that things started to get interesting again, a deviation from her routine. Optimus had seen a records of her physical exam and a recording of her combat assessment and had begun inquiring into her psychological evaluation. However, upon finding she was not meeting with Ratchet to attain clearance, he began wondering what was holding her from combat.

Or perhaps he was using it as an excuse to see how she was doing. Who could ever really know when it came to the mind of a Prime? But before she could even cross the hall to the door, she could hear the yelling from the medic on the other side.

"What do you think this is going to accomplish?" The shouted words were met with muffled replies, undecipherable from the distance as she approached. "Optimus! I know I said I'd trust you, but you are way off base here! She's unstable!"

Nearing the door, she could hear Optimus's response, one that gave her pause, and a bit of sympathy for the unpleasant job he led, "I believe you are underestimating her. I believe that she is capable."

Arguments of her incompetence had her cringing in disgust. It was one thing to care for the bots under his charge, to see them as his own and in need of his medical advice, but an entirely different thing to assume those bots were incapable of understanding their own heath and needs.

"You gave me your word that-" The sentence was cut off as she turned the handle and slid open the large door, effectively interrupting the 'conversation' in progress. The medic huffed irritably with a deep set scowl and sat ungracefully in the chair to her far left. The Prime had a stern expression on his plating as he too began to relax, but remained standing to greet her.

"Nova, please, have a seat." He gestured to the chair next to the medic, trying not to let his prior disapproval slip into his tone.

She moved into the room with Prowl ever silent but close behind, reluctantly taking her seat as Optimus finally took his own. Prowl nodded to the Prime and moved behind the larger bot with shadowed concern, but did not speak on the subject, merely observing.

"How are you doing Nova?" Optimus started. The question spoke volumes more than it's immediate intent.

In it were hidden questions, checking on her coping, asking about that night, feeling out her mental state. She locked down the pain, forcing herself into an indifferent mindset. She took a deep cycle of air, but answered truthfully, instead answering the unspoken question, what they all refused to ask or speak aloud. "He's not coming back. I will never be okay." She knew as well as them, the pain of loosing a bond never really faded. There would forever be a dark place in her spark where their bond had once been, and she would carry that loss with her until the day she rusted.

They didn't questioning her on it. "And how are you functioning?" The Prime added, trying to move away from the sensitive topic.

"My systems are optimal. I have remained combat effective. Fuel intake and recharge levels have remained at steady, acceptable levels. Would you like me to compile a report?" She offered the report as an assurance. She was fine, physically. That much she could prove with a systems analysis sent to him over the comm.

Optimus gave a faint smile, "That won't be necessary at this time, but thank you."

"And the nightmares?" Ratchet added crankily, yet a hint of fearful concern could be heard by his fellow officers. They understood that his aggression was indeed fueled by fear for her well being. However, Nova could not decipher what she did not recognize. She simply did not know the medic well enough to understand how he cared.

She answered categorically. "They persist, however," She considered lying for the briefest of moments before dismissing the thought, "I have adjusted and can now recharge through them."

"And your emotional functions?" He prodded, disbelievingly.

"Active." She'd responded.

The medic met her with a questioning sidelong glace. This wasn't the femme who appeared in his med bay. Or maybe she was, but she was acting more like she had the first day she'd arrived, before he was met with her hostility. Now she was calm, distant. He hardly recognized her from the fuming femme from days before. Which was the real one, he wondered? _Likely neither._

"Would you be willing to undergo another physical exam with Ratchet." Optimus had asked, tying to diffuse the medics unease.

A flicker of confusion crossed her plating as she considered what he was trying to achieve through this. "I would have no objections. It is your prerogative." She was unconcerned. Nothing could be taken from her as a result of an exam. She was still considered inactive, and since her systems were running optimally, the medic couldn't exercise his will over hers. A glimmer of hope did surface that perhaps the Prime wished to see her restored to active duty. She hoped that was indeed the case.

"Very well." The prime dismissed the topic, changing the subject and moving on. "Nova, what keeps you motivated?"

"I'm sorry?" She questioned back confusedly and unsure of where the conversation was now heading, but she was sure he had his reasons.

"What do you fight for?" He clarified, pointing her with a gaze that held her own.

_Retribution._ That single word clung to her, but remained trapped within. It sparked at her core as the burning flame for vengeance ignited within her once more, simmering in a dull ache. Although her answer had flashed through her processor, something entirely different found it way into her words. "We fought for equality. We wanted equality." The words felt like echos from the distant past, a grey memory, with any feeling that were once attached to them forgotten. It was still a partial truth, but that wasn't what she wanted any longer.

Still, they wouldn't be able to see the lie in it. No one could read her in the state she was in. She had no tells to speak of because she didn't care she was lying, and they didn't know her well enough to tell the difference. It was just what they needed to hear. Her motivations were her own, yet, part of it was also true, '_I wanted equality…' _She stared at the Prime sadly, selling the lie, but did not voice the thoughts that surfaced as she looked upon him, _'He wanted to be you.' _

Her gaze fell as she shook her head in despair, casting off the thoughts of what could never be. None of it mattered now.

"You still can, if you are up for it." He paused and his expression softened as his shoulders relaxed, "Are you? Is that a dream you still believe in?" He tilted his helm, trying to hold her gaze, to search her optics.

She thought about it for a moment. Was there even a dream left to be had with their planet gone, with Striker gone? _No._ "Yes," She breathed desperately, vocals emotionally laden. She met the Prime's gaze but thought only of her own initial answer, the one that would be forever left unspoken, "in his memory." Outward emotion faded into down-turned, hardened optics, optics that could not mask the pain just beneath the surface, no matter how hard they tried.

He graced her with his proud, full, but sorrowful grin that spoke volumes of the soldiers he's sent into battle. The CMO grumbled irritably from beside them as the Primes spoke again. "I am glad to hear that. I would like for you to see Ratchet once more for a Physical, after which, I would like to return you to light duty. Is that acceptable for you?" He'd asked.

Vents hitched, and optics shot open before surprise was rapidly replaced by an expression of unspoken confusion. Had it really been so simple? "Yes, sir." She answered in a soldier's tone, silently celebrating his intervention internally, but unsure as to what results it would yield. What did the Prime consider light duty?

She wasn't a participant in much of the rest of the conversation as she was excused from his office soon after, but not before she was scheduled for a physical the next morning. She could hear the slightly calmer voices discussing as she left. She wondered if Ratchet had brought up the sedative incident, and if so, why the Prime hadn't mentioned it. At the moment, she didn't care to question it. As she left the offices heading towards the second hanger, she couldn't help but think that Primus had finally done _something_ in her favor, however small it might have been.

As she wandered the base, she wasn't sure what to do. She'd gotten what she wanted. The medic couldn't hound her any longer. She would get to leave the base now. She felt a shred of optimism flickering within her. Perhaps that was what had her walking towards the berth room of a certain set of bots she had once thoroughly avoided.

She approached the door, shutting out all the thoughts that told her to turn around, go to recharge, Striker's recorded words: 'you don't do social', anything but start something she would regret later.

She knocked on the door, waiting with hints of anxiety that laced the unpracticed action. When it finally opened, she was met with the perturbed, and slightly stunned gaze of a certain golden bot. She didn't dwell on it. She honestly didn't care. She was happy. Today was the first good thing that had happened since she had arrived on the base. "Sideswipe?" She requested, learning her helm slightly to look passed the golden bot before her.

Piercing optics narrowed on her before he pushed opened the door further and walked back into the room. The crimson bot quickly leaped up from their over-sized couch in front of their personal television and raced to the door. "Nova?! What's up?" He chirped.

She flustered at the strange expression before dismissing it entirely, focusing instead on what she'd came for. His optimism faded as unexpressed concerns became apparent on his features. She wondered why he didn't voice them, but appreciated his sudden tact nonetheless. A tiny, grateful smile pulled at the corner of her lips as soft words in the form of a question left her before she cared to think of what they could result in.

"Want to spar?"

The red bot brightened cheerfully at the invitation, accepting readily as a splitting grin broke out across his feature. "Sure!"

* * *

**A/N:So this is a short chapter that spans a larger amount of time. I would have made it longer, but it would have defeated the chapter's purpose, so sorry.  
**

**I'm curious if anyone has any songs or artists who remind them of this story -or the other way around-, and if so, if you might recommend them in a review or PM. I'd greatly appreciate it. Music helps me write, and I literally cannot write for an extended period of time without something to listen to.**

**Also, I've been posting status updates of chapters when they are behind schedule on my profile. So if I ever don't update when I should, you can find out how things are going there. My schedule will be getting much busier from next week until December, but I'll try my best to update on time.**

**Thanks again for reading. Let me know what you think? Reviews make my days sparkle.**


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